Should I have children?

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Sure, yes, you probably should have children. That is, if you can take care of them on your own and promise not to eat any of them if they get on your nerves!

I am unsure of the implications of telling people with a mild condition that they should reproduce, and I am unsure that the mild autism condition could really be an evolutionary advantage or disadvantage. I can imagine, that back in the caveman days, the tribes that produced mildly autistic individuals might have had an advantage because of toolmaking even if the autistic individuals themselves saw a significant reproductive impairment due to social difficulties. The mildly autistic cave-people might have earned their keep with solitary pursuits that involve finding new uses for shiny things that pop and spin (these days we call it combustion engine research) while the others were busy smelling each others' asses and bashing each other over the head with clubs at the watering hole.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/games/play/126949/

But in general, it's probably a bad idea for any genotype to be too concentrated, which means finding a partner who is different. Mix things up. For example, math professors should probably have kids by people who are not other math professors, etc.

Last edited by sgrannel on 25 Apr 2010, 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Let's pretend...a clone of you raised by a stranger. Is your existence on this planet a good thing? Assuming you are not posting from a maximum security prison because you ate a bunch of children, I'll go with "yes".

Having an ASD doesn't mean dubious DNA. And even dubious DNA doesn't mean the child is doomed. I recently read an article in some magazine by a man who was wrestling with the sudden knowledge that he was Charles Manson's son. His mom put him up for adoption and he did not find out his genetic heritage until he tracked her down in his 30's. The magazine piece was all about him wrestling with whther or not he was doomed to be a Bad Person because of his DNA heritage. He decided...no. He had free will and just because he had this very dubious DNA did not mean he was any more likely to be a Bad Person than somebody with different heritage.

Bottom line? Stop worrying about it.

(Note: No, I am not saying that an ASD puts you on par with Charles Manson. I am saying that genetic heritage does not determine whether somebody's life is "good" or not.)

Not everybody born to someone on the spectrum will have it, so I see no problem in you being a parent.

Toss a coin?

I want a children but no one wants to co-operate in the matter.

If I were in a heated discussion with my family that objected to me reproducing, I would not fail to ask them if they had it to do over again would they have desisted and not conceived yourself. Then I would ask them what questions they asked themselves.

but that is just me.

Merle

It's totally your personal choice. I'm not too sure from your post if you have a partner or not. Just saying for me I'd never want children without a co-parent. Doesn't have to be a sexual partner, a friend or a sibling who's willing to share and help can work, too. Being a single parent is very hard, especially if both you and your child are autistic. I find that it takes all I have to take care of my two kids and old grandma. I am grateful that I don't have to work outside the home to earn a living as DH makes enough.

So I'd say it's OK to have children, but make sure you have enough help/support/income in place.

I have children. I love my children, but I admit that its hard, especially being a single parent and having zero family support.

My first child, once past the needy infant stage, is independent and fairly quiet. Happy to play near me without actually needing much from me. Ok! That works for me!

My second child, however, is the complete opposite. Extremely noisy and very physically needy. VERY difficult for me to handle. I do suspect autistic traits.

I can not imagine my life without my children, but I will say I would have worked harder to avoid single parenthood and tried to choose a better mate to help me raise them if I had known that I had AS.

I think it would be completely unethical to donate sperm *without disclosing* a condition that is known to have a genetic component. That doesn't mean I think it's unethical for autistic people to reproduce. They're two separate issues.

My 2 cents.

I'm not a fan of "eugenics" but now that I know that I likely have AS, I know if I ever did choose to father children, I'd want a process that could screen out any "bad" DNA code so that the child would have no risk of getting AS/Autism from my DNA.

I know the Hell I went through as a child being "different." I'd not wish that on anyone. The least I can do for a child of mine is give it every chance at as "normal" a life as possible. Now that it's possible to tell if a condition is genetic, it might be wise to avoid having kids if the odds of the kids having to cope with a similar condition is high enough.

After all, there are a lot of NT kids who need loving homes. Wanting "your own" child is a little selfish.

I learn from this past weekend that I probably won't make a great parent if I do have kids, especially if they are not like me.

A bit of background information. I think I have AS. My other half is very definitely an NT. We don't have kids.

On the weekend, my other half had a family gathering at his parents' place to celebrate his birthday. It was also an opportunity to give his favourite nephew the presents we bought for his 10th birthday a couple of weeks ago. Among the three presents, we have always included a Lego item every year since his 1st birthday. BUT this year, the boy that I thought to have more things in common with (as compared to the other nephews and nieces), told his grandfather after lunch that he didn't like the Lego but kept quiet about it because he didn't want to hurt his uncle's feelings. His uncle, my other half was OK about the news but I, on the other hand hit the roof! I wasn't at the family gathering but when I was told later on, I chucked a tantrum that lasted more than 24 hours!

I was convinced that the child's curiosity and his inate programme to create with his hands are completely ruined. A number of people were blamed for this. I am still pretty convinced that the sudden dislike for Lego has something to do with the child's dominant older brother. My other half reckoned that my allegations were wild and he said that I was upset mainly because I couldn't take it that this child turned out to be different than I expected. The other thing that got me so angry was that I have always predicted that this child is likely to go through a similar childhood as my other half and I didn't want that to happen but it seems to be happening as predicted.

This child is just a nephew, not our own and yet I get so affected by his choice and his upbringing. Imagine if I manage to give birth to a child who is completely opposite to me! Imagine that he or she is a social butterfly who devotes his entire brain to parties and looking cool from age 3 till he or she leaves the nest! URGH! I don't think that I can cope with that!

Bottom line: if you want children, have them. You can't guarantee they will/won't have an ASD, or any other problem for that matter. I have three, I have AS and ADHD and epilepsy, and my husband has ADHD, my oldest son is 16 and has ADHD but is at the top of his class, my 12 year old daughter has ADHD and I think AS as well, but she does great, and my 9 year old is NT, if a bit goofy from growing up with all of us I am very glad I had mine, and IMO no one should have children if they can't deal with them having "a problem" because there are no guarantees in life.

~Kate

My sister is completely unlike me, very social and into whatever's fashionable and so on, and I really kind of expected to have a child exactly like her; we joked in his babyhood about how he's be a football player and a frat boy. It just seemed like it would be some kind of perfect cosmic joke. Instead, I got a kid who's very much like me and you know what? We still have had all kinds of problems getting along.

But the other side of that is I would love him no matter what he was like.

He loves roughhousing and is huge and likes inappropriate humor, so he might still grow up to be a football player and a frat boy. And I will still adore him if he does. Though having to go to his football games would be a royal pain in the ass.

i dobt a bunch of strangers are more qualified to answaer then you

if you have a child, and the child is on the spectrum, it will be a gift that the child has someone in his/her life who can relate.

and if your child isn't on the spectrum, you will be able to provide an alternate view point that will have benefits - the child will grow up being tolerant of (and learning from!) someone who thinks differently.

i think the only question (aside from: is your partner going to be a good parent?) is whether or not that is something you are comfortable doing. if you can handle the responsibility and be sincere with your child about your weaknesses (which everyone has, AS or NT), you will have their respect.

follow your heart.

and .. i'll agree with this. verbatim.

not my place to say