Anyone else ever sometimes feel...

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Yeah, it's kind of overwhelming at times.
Sometimes i think i have a handle on things, but then other times it's just a losing battle with the situation simply seeming to further deteriorate with each step i make.

"One step forward, two steps back"

Well, as time passes, I think with people to talk with -- that are supportive -- it does get better, in some ways. Though it can get worse in other ways.

About 17 or so years ago (wow I feel old writing this), I know I was really lost - all kinds of issues. I would have to say at this point in my life, things are better in that way - I have much more confidence, I know who I am, I gave up questioning 'why the hell am I here', and I still dont know why I am here, but now I just dont give a crap, and do what I need to do each day.

However, I suppose my big issue at this point is that it is 17 years later. Lots of time has passed. Lots of things are better, but I still do not feel satisfied in life, or that I fit in anywhere -- I guess I do with my family, but I often beat myself up after raising my voice, or whatever.

I do think about the idea that maybe my mind is slowly falling apart. It is scary. I go to a therapist, and that helps a little, but honestly I think I know more than she does. It is like her techniques apply to the average (NT?) person that needs help. But I feel anything but average.

I feel like I'm getting madder every year or even every few months. Maybe I'm becoming more aware of how messed up I feel this world is. Years of being stuck at home most of the time, dealing with people who try to help me out but just end up doing the opposite, and feeling like people are actually getting less intelligent over time are factors in feeling like a day will come where I go completely wacko. It's like I take one step forward and two or more steps back. About five years ago, everything to me felt a lot less stressful and nice unlike nowadays where my life just seems to be getting darker and darker till I wonder if any color can be darker than black.

It sounds like you're putting the weight of the world and all its problems on yourself; and to that I say you're wasting your time and effort. As like as we're at the evolutionary point of "human", we're gonna have these problems; we've had them since Day 1, yet every 5 minutes people assume this is "something new" cause not only do they not learn from history, but their minds aren't yet capable of comprehending half these things without getting incredibly depressed. If they were to think "outside the box", or shown the "outside of the box", they may not be able to fully comprehend all the possibilities of it.

This is one thing I honestly think that we Autistic folk hold in our favor, if we chose to take advantage of what we've been born with. As long as most folk here insist on feeling like victims, there's not much I can do for you, but I am telling you: you're capable of it, and since you've been dealt the hand, y'might as well use what ya were given