Non-Aspieish signs...

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I would say that I have a very active and successful social life. Unlike NTs, I organize my social interactions almost entirely around activities, such as games. I talk about interesting topics and science and the arts rather than chit-chatting about nothing. I have friends that like to listen, and I do my level best to avoid monologue and listen to them too (though sometimes I fail at that). I think that almost all of my friends are on the broad autism spectrum, including people with signs of AS, Tourette's, ADHD, dyslexia, NVLD, and over-focussing. I'm a bit unusual in my peer group in that I love academic topics and did well in school, but in terms of temperment and interests we are very much alike.

I hate the stereotype that Aspies can't have friends and can't develop social skills. It's just not true, and it's depressing and insulting to suggest that it is.

-ck

Yes, it is possible for some Aspie's to make new friends and have a social life. Growing up was very difficult for me. There were only 2-3 friends that I really was close to and in thinking back on it, I think that they were most likely Aspie's too!

After high school, I began to learn some of the socializing skills by watching others and then trying to mimic their mannerisms. I can still do this, but it is still very taxing for me. Social events and prolonged (>10 minutes) contact with people are very draining for me emotionally and even when I was working, or in college, it was a very great strain on me. I would often need the whole weekend just to begin to "recharge my batteries" for the next week. Three day holiday weekends were VERY welcome! Time alone for me is a necessary part of my life.

Over the years, I have had relatively few friends. This is in part because it is so very difficult for me to keep any relationship going for more than a few months. I have often thought that I should have become a monk, or a hermit! Now that I am retired, I have perhaps 2-3 close friends and maybe a dozen or so with whom I keep in contact only a few times each year. I now live in a condo, but I generally avoid the social gatherings as they are just too draining.

Precludes social success.. what does that mean?

Very nice.. keep up the good work

It's called having interaction with each other. If writing letters is what you want to do, then go for it I prefer getting together with friends, as opposed to writing them. I need the human interaction. Society bases everything on perception, and that's just how it is. So, I have learned to get myself out there around people and develop friendships. Not the easiest thing to do sometimes, but friendships and network contacts can carry me a long way if I want them to and such.

Definitely nothing wrong with that at all. I find that works well for me, too. Again, everything goes back to perception and how we're perceived by others. How we perceive others.

Same here - most of my NT friends have been made through a shared interest in music, but I find it difficult to be in bands for a prolonged period of time due to a distaste for band politics and a reluctance to suppress my musical ideas in order to fit them in around those of other musicians. I still have a network of gig-going buddies though, most of whom are not aspies.

Last edited by Locustman on 30 Apr 2010, 11:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not an Aspie and I get social burn out. If I'm with good friends I'm Ok for a long time, but it's tiring to be with strangers or people I don't like or don't know well. My kids who are Aspies get it a lot more quickly than I do and they have a harder time finding people that don't burn them out than I do.

Kiley

There's always going to be politics in a lot of things. It's really all about how one goes about navigating the politics.

Yes those are problems. I usually ignore the politics and try instead to see things in terms of emotional interactions, when I spot them. Suppressing my own musical ideas is difficult.....I always try to keep some music time for developing my own stuff (I often perform solo with just my guitar and voice), which allows me to feel more generous when working with other people. Most of the musicians I've worked with have been pretty democratic, as I gravitate towards groups with a genuine ethos of fair play. Any sign of a pecking order and I'm out.

I made friends with bands, despite not having a friend in my own town.
I really started making friends with them when a bass player told me to say hi next time I was at a show, so I did and ended up having lunch with the band. Then they drove me to the gig and I met my favorite singer, then later that night I got to talk to the bass player. I was still kind of awkward but the more I saw them the easier it was to talk to them.
This was all before I was diagnosed with AS. I still wondered why I couldn't sit down and have a conversation with them.
I've only recently started to get back into it. A lot of the bands I was friendly with broke up and after my diagnosis it was hard to meet new bands. But I still haven't lost my charm 'could I have a set list? you guys from around here then? when's your next show - i'll take photos.' When I meet up with them at the 2nd, 3rd, 4th show it's easier to talk to them. Oh sure, alcohol helps.

Lately I've been making friends with older people that are more obsessed with one of those bands than I am. One of those friends is cool with my AS and we talk about it. She also has similar taste in music to me so we go to a lot of shows together.