Happy, sociable aspie?

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You must be talking about Donna Williams. I haven't met her but i've read four or so of her books and seen her reciting poetry on video. definitely sociable, happy, an extrovert. a very inspiring woman.

Thank you all for your replies and sharing your experiences.

I understand now I can be Asperger and still be sociable (with certain limits) and appear normal on the outside. The difference between male en female aspies is very interesting. I know statistics say only 1 in every 4 diagnosed persons is female, but I doubt that is true (also seeing the amount of females on here). When I look at my father's family, where Asperger traits seem very common (yet no-one diagnosed), I see an equal amount of men and women with these traits. Statistically, this would be an exception!

I have read 3 books now on Asperger and autism. One of them is about females with Asperger and basically the book said that women are underdiagnosed, and that 'we still know very little about females with Asperger'. There was very little information in this book! I assume that the information in the other books I read was mostly about males (and kids). I didn't recognise many things and started doubting about my diagnosis. I'm glad I found this forum, and I'm looking forward to learning more from other females (and males) with the same diagnosis. It seems better than any book I could order

LipstickKiller wrote:

Well I think people mean that I take time to listen to them and that I try to give them advice. I'm not really good at seeing the mood someone's in (I do hear things by the voice though). So when people talk to me about some sort of problem I listen very well and then I try to say what I would do in that sort of situation or just 'well, that sucks'. I'm also really not the hugging-type so I just talk.

Thank you bee33 for explaining some things to me. The personality disorders I was dx'ed with are borderline, paranoid and avoidant respectively. (And eventually Personality disorder NOS) But the PD's never explained the problems I already faced as a kid. My parents always said it was something else. When they heard Asperger it was a relieve for them.

Spazzergasm wrote:

Not sure what is considered aspie-like When I'm alone I tend to be way more relaxed and I can just do whatever I want, however I may be quiete obsessive-like with my interests. When I'm with family I guess they can see my aspie-side when I keep talking about certain things. When my parents are watching TV, I still keep talking to them (which annoys them) and I don't make a lof of eye-contact with my family either, but I doubt they still notice.

Willard wrote:


It could be that I also overestimate my acting skills. I have already noticed that people can sometimes see things I didn't intend them to see, such as my (crappy) mood. It's terrifying that people can just see what I feel while I don't want them to see
You're right about the unconscious effort that it takes from me. Perhaps I'll be a much less tired person if I learn to drop my mask. The diagnosis encourages me to act more like myself. Who knows where it will lead me too. Sometimes I spend so much time pretending to be someone else that I forget who I am and what *I* want.

anbuend, It's interesting to read about this person you know who is very outgoing and enthusiastic. This isn't the image that people in general have of an autistic person, and I wish persons like her would be described more often in books and articles.

wendigopsychosis wrote:

I'm glad you tell me this, because I was thinking I must be a weird or unique case, but it appears I'm not the only one. I hope more research will be done to the particular problems us female aspies face and the differences between men and women on the spectrum.


(I haven't replied to all of you individually, but your comments are appreciated!)

Not at all. Friend of hers. Kathy Grant.

Have you heard of Tony Attwood? He has a pretty good talk on women with AS that I found a couple weeks ago-> http://www.blogtalkradio.com/aspergerwomen

Happy and sociable Aspie sounds like oxymoron to me. Ok, Aspie can be happy, but happy and sociable?
Ochhhh well, maybe I'm too autistic.

Yes, he is a good author Thanks for the link, I'll check it out.

"Happy and sociable aspie" - In the title of the thread I was referring to how other people see me on the outside. I can act happy and not be so at all. And the word sociable can be interpreted by different people in several ways (what I consider sociable behavior, might be introverted behavior for someone else), but I'm not sure, English is not my first language.

This is one of the reasons I'm afraid of sharing my diagnosis with others. I don't act like what people think is a 'stereotype autist'. Autists are not sociable right? Yet I still got diagnosed by an experienced psychiatrist who didn't let herself get fooled by my outside presentation.

I am a very happy and sociable aspie.

What you and me have in common, in addition to autism, is a musical talent and a theatrical talent.
Many aspies who have musical talents and/or theatrical talents are more happy and sociable than aspies who lack musical talents and/or theatrical talents.

I was substituting for a gym teacher. Some of the special ed kids came in for their time in the gym. One boy came running up to me. Lightly put a hand on each shoulder and gazed into my eyes, examined my name tag and then gave me a hug. I think his teachers were embarassed because they didn't know that I'm comfortable with that kind of thing. He was adorable. He was a very happy and very social non verbal person with ASD. I told them I thought he was a neat kid, but was a little startled because he came at me pretty fast.

I think my youngest son is rather like you, but seems to not be faking liking the social stuff so much. He's never had trouble with eye contact but if he's tired or bored that's one of the first things to go. He didn't speak till he was five and initially had a dx of PDD-NOS. Recently he took a battery of tests and came out as not even close to being in the spectrum but VERY divergent with unique cognitive procesess. A lot of the time he acts like an Aspie. He has special interests and pontificates about them. He thinks it's an outrage when people get the facts wrong about any of his pet subjects...and that includes his teachers who are working with dumbed down information from textbooks. He also melts down when overstimulated.

Not everybody fits into a neat definition of NT or ASD. Just love yourself and find the best way you can to be yourself. If the labels don't fit, wait and try again if you feel they are helpful. It sounds like you are doing OK without a label and don't really need any special services that require them. You're uniqe.

Oh now see, that is really helpful. My little guy tests as highly divergent which means he is extremely creative. He hasn't found what Art he is really good at yet, but I know he will. My maternal grandmother was a musical prodigy. My sister is a talented artist. On his bio-dad's side there is a lot of mental illness but also some of prodigeous musical talent.

One of the tools they use to make an Aspie dx is the IQ test. If there is a lot of variation between highs and lows that's a sign of it. That wouldn't be apparent for someone who is divergent/artistically oriented because the IQ test only tests convergent thought, not divergent.

Hmmmm. Interesting.