The Aspie Glossary

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"Real" by whose definition?

So far as I'm concerned, if you live fifteen minutes away from someone, and you've shared your life's dreams and rites of passages with that person and that person makes no effort to reciprocate simply because you don't work together anymore, or "fit into their lives", when they are perfectly capable of maintaining some sort of contact, it didn't mean that much to them. Period. End of discussion.

And in the year 2010, with text messages, emails, the telephone, the post mail, web sites, instant messaging, etc., etc., then if you move 10,000 miles away from someone you have been friends with, and you have access to a computer, if you make no effort to at least wish them a happy birthday, it didn't mean that much to them. Period. End of discussion.

These scenarios-- not unusual, but the norm in human interaction-- are not "real" friendships. It's BS that I want no part of. I'd rather hang out with my cats.

If it enriches your life and makes you happier to believe that, more power to you.
I am different; I feel happier remembering the good times we had in the past and being glad that I shared a friendship for a time. I don't get much benefit out of erasing the good memories with a new interpretation that they were crap and didn't really mean anything. That way I've just lost the friend twice. My way I still have nice memories of a good time.



I do good to remember my own birthday, let alone someone else's. Does that make me not a real friend? I don't think so.



If that's what makes you happy, I'm certainly not going to try to change you. I wouldn't try to change you anyway -- it's not worth my time and effort and there are much more interesting and fun things in this world to do.

I'm just glad that I don't feel bitter about everyone who was once a pleasant part of my life. I have enough emotional burdens from bad social times to drag around without re-framing all my good social times into bad social memories as well.

Having this viewpoint doesn't enrich me or empower me at all. It just makes me sad.

You're not really disagreeing with anything I said, you're merely offering a different interpretation. If disingenuousness and disloyalty are okay with you, and you feel this is what constitutes a friendship, then by all means, make lots of "friends" and not care when they ditch you or aren't there for you, when you've been nothing but kind to them.

And the birthday analogy wasn't meant to be specific, I meant, just SOMETHING that proves you haven't totally forgotten the to other person and what they (supposedly) mean to you. It's not erasing memories as you put it, it's just the realization that the other person didn't really give a s**t about you all that much-- and that's pretty damn hurtful, as least to me.

I'm bitter and I admit it. I don't really let it get to me, I just find this forum as a place to "vent", where there are people who feel duped by the hordes of humanity that I do. I'm not bitter because I'm full of anger, I'm bitter because I'm lonely. And I'm lonely because pretty much 100% of the people I have thought were my friends throughout by life have either backstabbed me or at the very least pulled the Disappearing Act as defined in my glossary, and I know better than to try and make new "friends" because they'll likely just do the same thing.

I find this comment offensive. Please try to be more civil when interacting with me. Thank you.

With all due respect, Sparrowrose, and I mean this with no ill will, I likewise find many things you've said on here in response to my threads to be offensive or arrogant, so I guess we're even.

Case in point: I wrote in another thread, "Back in the day I did say and do some "inappropriate" things, and one time it cost me my job. I've just managed to discern them and learn what they are, maybe you haven't, it certainly doesn't make you unintelligent... "

and you wrote back,

"Of course it doesn't make me unintelligent. I'm autistic, duh. It makes me mindblind. "

But this is an anonymous Internet forum, so I don't take personally your expressions of anger to be offensive. We're all here to express opinions without being judged, opinions which aren't welcomed in the real world, and if these opinions clash, that's to be expected.

If you react this way to people who express a point of view that is not at all directed at you, these reactions are likely to be deemed "inappropriate" as we've discussed earlier and people aren't going to want to interact with you, much less work with you.

I'm not being judgmental, I'm only trying to help. If I have to walk on eggshells in our discussions like this then in the future I won't comment on your posts.

Please accept my apology for any offense my opinions may have caused you.