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auntblabby
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16 May 2010, 2:18 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I'm ignored, because of my accent.


english [i.e., of the british isles] accents are GREAT :)
as for me, i get the palpable impression from the bulk of my relatives that i make them uncomfortable at the least, and due to this they tend to not make eye contact with me nor include me in their discussions or social functions. most recently [today] i was at my sister's husband's brother's summer house, [now what is that called?] and i was in their backyard, and i walked by a table with sis's hubby's bro's children who were engaged in a typically animated adolescent discussion about whatever, and when i walked in front of their table at a rough distance of 15 feet, all their discussion stopped cold, until i was "safely" back inside the house, at which point i could see they started chatting again. in some ways, this is worse than just being ignored, as it pointedly made me feel like somebody to be feared. IOW, i would much prefer just being totally ignored than this treatment! if my sister weren't there, i'd have no reason to be there also, and when she leaves, i leave quickly behind her.
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Todesking
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16 May 2010, 3:09 am

I wish I was ignored people are always asking me of my opinion when I am in a group discussion or some kind team planning thing. 8O



CockneyRebel
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16 May 2010, 4:19 am

Being the quiet and unworldly person that I am, I'd rather be ignored, than asked 20 questions and expected to make small talk, and talk about my personal affairs. I speak on my own terms, and when I do, that's when I speak my share.


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katzefrau
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16 May 2010, 4:26 am

yes, i'm often ignored and baffled as to why, since i tend to have the most logical thing to say in most groups. and i'll often repeat myself, to no avail, and then eventually someone else will chime in with a similar statement and it will "stick" immediately.

it's nice to read this thread and some possible reasons for this, namely, not having the ability to recognize and seize the appropriate moment to interject.

these sorts of things have confused and frustrated me my whole life, but finally getting some answers is helping me to learn not to take it so personally.

if i have to ask a salesperson for help finding something at a store, or interrupt two people talking for some reason, i will stand there wondering how to make my presence known, whether they have become aware there is someone waiting, what constitutes a "break" in the conversation or whether i'm supposed to wait until it's finished ... etc .. etc.

all these little things add up to make day-to-day existence, and accomplishing simple tasks, a constant source of stress.


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Chronos
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16 May 2010, 5:28 am

addison wrote:
does anyone have a problem with being ignored in group discussions? i'm taking group dynamics at college. it's not a big class, only 7 so we can all have group discussions. most of the time though, i feel like i'm being ignored. i thought this was me interrupting everyone because i do that all the time but lately it sure doesn't seem that way. every time i try to say something, people talk over me and it'll seem like they don't care about what i have to say. it took me 10 minutes to give my opinion on one subject.


Next time, say "Excuse me, I was talking." If you're ignore again I think you are within your rights to say it louder.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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16 May 2010, 2:18 pm

addison wrote:
yea well a few times, one member of the group who is a friend must've sensed my frustration because a few times she told everyone to let me talk. but even those times, when i suggest a strategy for solving a problem for one example, the group pretty much ignored it and then like 30 minutes later, someone else suggests the same damn thing and the group goes along with it. ugh...i just feel so useless in these situations.
...and she took your idea :( . That same thing has happened to me. You can always try the direct way in situations like that, saying something like, "hey, I thought of that first..." Sometimes the only choice I have had is to let it go because even when I say something like that I go unacknowledged. It's not fair, but what can I do? All I can suggest is to keep trying until you succeed and don't give up. Oh, one thing I used to tell myself in these situations, ie, a class I didn't like, is that it's only one semester out of many semesters and it won't last forever.



Popsicle
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16 May 2010, 4:06 pm

katzefrau wrote:
all these little things add up to make day-to-day existence, and accomplishing simple tasks, a constant source of stress.


It would be a lot easier if most people were nicer.

For instance, it would've been good manners/polite/even nice, of the other people to look up at some point when they saw you waiting nearby.



Sedaka
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16 May 2010, 4:08 pm

It's the perpetual dichotomy of being ignored or people being annoyed with me for interrupting....

I prefer to just shut up.


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katzefrau
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16 May 2010, 4:41 pm

Popsicle wrote:
katzefrau wrote:
all these little things add up to make day-to-day existence, and accomplishing simple tasks, a constant source of stress.


It would be a lot easier if most people were nicer.

For instance, it would've been good manners/polite/even nice, of the other people to look up at some point when they saw you waiting nearby.


yes, that's true.

but as i can't change other people, i'm just trying to understand better so i don't let these things upset me so much ..
:(


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Joe90
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05 Dec 2010, 11:55 am

I'm always ignored too. But I don't get it - sometimes other people mumble something quietly, and the whole crowd stops and listens to them, whether they're popular or not.

And I thought NTs would always be aware of voices - so whenever anyone speaks loudly or quietly, they still hear and automatically listen because their brains are built for social cues. I don't get it, and I'll never rest 'til I do get it.


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liveandletdie
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05 Dec 2010, 1:22 pm

Ya I am just bad at communicating in groups though..

i had a class and sometimes the teacher would pass out these puzzle things that the groups were supposed to come up solutions for. I would usually not have a lot of input, they were usually like word scramble/phrase type puzzles that I am not good at. But one day he passed out a triangle thing that you were supposed to count the number of triangles. This is something that I am good at, so I told them the answer two or three times but since they weren't listening I stopped trying and let them get the wrong answer, the other group eventually got it 5-10 minutes later.


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