Mosaicofminds wrote:
Yeah, when you say you're lonely and having a bad day he might be taking it as information rather than an implication that he should do something. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just the idea "I can/should do something about this" doesn't occur to him
yes, i'll second this. "i'm having a lonely day" means "i'm having a lonely day" .. you are simply relating that information.
when people speak to me in an emotional language, it can sometimes begin this sort of feedback loop of attempted comprehension and it escalates quickly to frustration and anger. i'm guessing not everyone recognizes this. i'm learning it the hard way, in therapy. i told my therapist today if i hear "how do you feel" one more time, i will throw something across the room.
i agree with Willard that by communicating to him in this fashion you may be unwittingly instigating a shutdown reaction. this doesn't mean he doesn't care; it means he doesn't understand. you are asking him to climb Mt. Everest.
think of it as a language barrier. try to speak in his language when you desire a response.
if what you mean is "please finish your chess game. i'd like to go somewhere with you" you must say
precisely that.
it's good that you are trying to understand him. i think that will help a lot.
_________________
Now a penguin may look very strange in a living room, but a living room looks very strange to a penguin.
22 May 2010, 7:16 pm
