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Ending an interaction with another human without offending

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DenvrDave
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31 May 2010, 12:11 pm

From my own experience, ending conversations on the phone or in person can be awkward for NTs also. Sometimes awkward endings can be a source of amusement. And, awkward endings don't mean the interaction was a disaster or that the relationship has failed.



Kiley
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31 May 2010, 12:28 pm

This can be hard for NTs too. Some people just don't pick up on hints that you are done even when you do it very well, and that includes NTs. As a last resort I'll say "This is very interesting but I have to go. I hope you feel better/things work out...(if they were sharing a problem)"

If the person is sharing a really huge problem and it's really hard for them to get it out and I really have to go (maybe I have a child waiting for me somewhere). I'll say "This is a really important problem and it must be really hard for you to tell me. I totally want to listen and help but Xchild is waiting for me at X place and I have to go right now. Can I call you, or can we get together at X time." People tend to tell me their deepest problems because they know I won't blab, even if I don't like the person. I do tend to talk to much but not about other people, just about stuff that interests me.



marshall
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31 May 2010, 12:33 pm

Maybe this will give you some ideas....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyWsFfd9pqE (language warning)

:lol:



PunkyKat
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31 May 2010, 5:01 pm

Tell them you left something in the oven and that that you smell smoke. Tell them someone is at the door or that you have another call.


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ToughDiamond
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01 Jun 2010, 8:39 am

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
. . . When the sound is clear enough to do it, I like the idea of citing the next pressing task.......maybe it's worth giving a bit of detail though, as a trust exercise . . .

This one I might respectfully disagree with you on. Okay, the fact that I hang out in the libraries long hours, or the fact that I might read a novel, skim a biology textbook, read more of the novel, skim more of the biology textas a preferred study method is highly personal, and may be completely out of left field.

If someone shares 'I really struggle with lab work,' I might share 'I know I really struggled with high school labs. In fact, I didn't take any labs in college,' then I'm sharing the same category. What I'm planning to do later in the day is probably not the same category, and the person may be being overly forward if they want to know.

Well, I guess if the thing you'd rather do (than continuing to talk with your friend) is hard for people to understand as being particularly important, it's probably better to just say "I'm up to my eyes right now." But if it's a well-recognised important thing, like going to work, then I reckon it's better to divulge it.



ToughDiamond
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01 Jun 2010, 8:45 am

StuartN wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
So my main question is, does anybody else have trouble with social endings, and I'm also interested in people's reactions to bad sound on the coms. Coping strategies welcome.


On the phone, just start a sentence and cut yourself off in the middle of it. Nobody ever believes you would cut yourself off.


Brilliant.......as used by Blackadder while receiving orders to go over the top in World War I. I wouldn't want to use that trick on friends, though it could be useful if used on authority figures.



Blindspot149
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01 Jun 2010, 9:54 am

I tend to speak my mind, which some people find offensive.

Fortunately I don't have enough 'relationships' to allow me to cause offense to those that I end 'relationships' or friendships with.

The last time I had enough of someone, I sent an email explaining how totally unbearable they had become and how absolutely destructive our 'relationship' had become.

He had said more or less the same thing several months before (with somewhat less finality)

I'm pretty sure he's an Apsie (talk about eye contact.........he made me look like an NT) :lol: :arrow:


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b9
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01 Jun 2010, 10:10 am

i just tell people that i am tired of talking to them and i say goodbye.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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04 Jun 2010, 2:34 pm

Kiley wrote:
. . . If the person is sharing a really huge problem and it's really hard for them to get it out and I really have to go (maybe I have a child waiting for me somewhere). I'll say "This is a really important problem and it must be really hard for you to tell me. I totally want to listen and help but Xchild is waiting for me at X place and I have to go right now. Can I call you, or can we get together at X time." People tend to tell me their deepest problems because they know I won't blab, even if I don't like the person. I do tend to talk to much but not about other people, just about stuff that interests me.

Yes, when it's this serious, you kind of have to go formal and cover all the bases, as Kiley skillful lays out. Yes, I can tell this is important, I do want to listen, I have to [this specific activity and this other person is counting on], Can we pick a time later on to continue?

Something not this serious, you can be much more casual [and much less perfect!]



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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04 Jun 2010, 3:03 pm

And so, for more run-of-the-mill situations . . .

'Okay, it's been good talking to you. I'm going to need to get going.'

And like so many social things, this is far more about context, than it is about content. The conversation is just winding to a close, in that inherently vague way social interactions have. Now, sometimes this isn't enough. Sometimes the person is highly motivated to tell you one more thing. And that's fine. You just let them go ahead and tell you one more thing. And then you just repeat the closing statement in abbreviated form, still good-natured and accepting, for the person is trying in the conversation according to the best of his or her lights.