Do friends have bigger lives outside of you?

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I have very few friends, but I'm apparently very important to them. However, they have lives outside me, I have a life outside of them, and I like it that way. I don't want my life to revolve around the social world.

The way I see it, for what it's worth, is that people have all kinds of layers of friends. Over time people move in and out of each others lives through those layers. Friends in college who you saw every day and knew the most intimate details about become old friends with great memories that you've lost touch with, while new friends may arise as circumstances allow. Some people never have friends like they did in college again.

Not everybody has the same social needs. If you're comfortable being more on the outside without closer friends for yourself then I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I find it's a bit of a balancing act as my life changes. People are always coming and going and there have been times I've been lonely and times I've felt a bit too connected to too many people. I think it's natural that there are feast/famine times with friends.

It's always like that for me. I was even like that at my own first wedding... second time round I was sensible and only invited three.

But just so you know... it's normal.

I have a really hard time understanding those levels of friendship. I have two categories, acquaintance and friend, both with their separate boundaries, which makes it difficult to go from one to the other. I either tell people very little or very much about myself. I can't seem to do the intermediate levels of intimacy, I'm an all or nothing person, but I know I have to work on it. That's a big cause for anxiety for me; when I reveal to little I don't make friends, when I reveal too much (whatever that is) I feel exposed and frighten people off. I stick with the former nowadays. It's safe but it makes me lonely.

I'm working on makingh friends though. Luckily my city is large enough that there are regular aspie-gatherings and I'm gonna dive in and see what happens

There's one who tours the world playing music and meeting celebrities but I would think the novelty would wear off quickly enough.

I have one close friend, and she definitely has a bigger life outside of myself. She's really my only good friend, but I hear stories of her doing this and that with so and so and I realize she has other friends. What's weirder is that she seems to act differently with her other friends. I hear stories of what they've done and we'd never do that sort of thing together. So she really does have a life outside myself and sometimes I feel left out, though in reality I'd rather not have loads of friends because I wouldn't be able to handle that.

I'm not really bothered by it so much anymore as I am thinking about it solely because I have a feeling in the next few years I'll be going to friends' weddings and whatnot, and I expect to either know virtually nobody there, or be surrounded by loads of people who don't like me.

Naturally in thinking about it, it reminded me of my past experiences.

Heh, it's like past experiences seem to have been little more than bad memories. The plus side is most of that was more than 10 years ago now.

In a way thou I prefer having few friends cuz most of the few friends I do have are only friends when they need something like they need info looked-up, they need to borrow money or they need to talk about relationship problem ects yet when I want something they barely pay attention to me. What really sux is that my parents particularly my mom keeps insisting that I should make friends & do stuff with others cuz apparently having few friends makes someone a potential serial killer or something; she keeps saying how not being around people is "unhealthy". I think being used, abuses & unaccepted by others is what's "unhealthy" but I don't watch Dr.Phil & she does. Anyways my point is that people shouldn't be pressured into having friends & socializing. I'd rather be close to one or two people than have a big group who doesn't really notice me

Friends? What are friends?

I can't related. Mainly because I don't have friends. However, I can certainly see the possibility of this happening.

It's not the size of your life that counts, it's the quality of your life, that counts.

Yeah, definitely everyone I know juggles way more than I do. Feels like I'm spinning my wheels.

IF that was directed at me, I've come to terms with it overall as you may already know, but I'm just wondering if it's like this for anyone else. I just wonder what the hell I'll do at future weddings of friends and whatnot.

As someone else mention I also read on FB about my one friend doing this/that with her other friends/boyfriend etc. Although I've asked her to do stuff and it's always (I'm busy) Sometimes I feel she's avoiding me. I also feel me not being able to drive limits things (Come on do you REALLY want to have to pick me up?) So I can totally relate to this topic.

You could try to find someone you feel somewhat comfortable with(or less awkward around) & talk to em. I usually hang with my cousin's husband at family things. He's kind of an outsider at family functions sense he's married into it & there aren't any guys around his age he can hang with at em(he's a bit older than me) & he usually ends up being the one to watch his 4kids so he ends up watching the other kids as well. He commented at the last thing about how I'm the man one who talks to him there. If he wasn't there; I wouldn't hang with anyone except maybe for annoying my parents to leave. My point is hanging with an outsider may be better than being by yourself

a few years ago i went to a birthday party for a friend and realized i knew almost everybody there, but he had made them all into friends over the years and i had not.

this sort of thing used to trouble me a lot, but eventually i realized i prefer it that way anyhow. most of my friends live in other places. if i see very little of someone, i can enjoy it instead of finding it stressful. it's hard to screw up a friendship you only have to maintain once a year.

i do have a lot of acquaintances. too many.