Self DX vs. real DX -a new perspective for me!

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Yea, I agree with that too because my traits can easily surface depending on my environment and lots of other things. I was taking Claritin for almost 6 months last year, failing to see that it was really turning me into a different person, or just the person I usually don't show people. I had constant RAGE and had some pretty embarrassing melt downs with my ex boyfriend, I know he thinks I'm a loon now. Anyway, I was DXd with Generalized Anxiety disorder but I didn't tell them about how obsessive and ritualistic I was at the time. I didn't think about it, didn't know much about AS but I was screaming AS then. The upside is that I was actually doing great at work , METICULOUS attention to detail, but I was NOT pleasant to be around.

Uh...

Any treatment available for AS? If AS is the problem, why not seek treatment geared toward AS? If a counselor is struggling to understand people with AS, that counselor obviously doesn't specialize in AS. The kind of social skills and relationship problems that AS causes are not your standard social skills problems. If AS is the cause of the problems, a counselor with little to no training in AS, would more than likely not be able to help as well as a counselor with proper AS training.

Trust me, I've been there, and it does more harm than good sometimes. I've seen treatments used on Aspies that were not geared toward Autism backfire and cause even more problems than they were trying to solve. With a DX and properly designed treatment, things go much more smoothly. That I have seen with my own eyes.

Interesting. This is not what I've learned from my experience at all. There most certainly are treatments for Asperger's social impairments. It's long term, to be sure, but it does exist. Not sure why you haven't found any yet, but I will say it's not easy to locate those who practice it. But they do exist.

yes, but I got a whole year of counselling from the counsellor who was referred to me by the local Autism centre back at my home city.

I didnt have a DX then but had many good sessions with her. I did get a DX in December but I dont see how this opens up extra counsellng for me.. all the counselling services that I will get now were available back then before my dx.

Well then, it looks to me like you got what you needed without the DX, so you didn't need one. For most of us though, who can't pay for the long term stuff for ourselves, the DX is critical. I, as well as many others cannot get the support we need for the long term without it.

I never said YOU specifically needed one. I don't (or didn't) know your particular circumstances. Like I have been saying all along, this isn't about telling anyone what they should or should not do, or should or should not think. It's about me trying to understand BOTH sides of this issue. I do now. And the first post is simply an explanation of how I came to see a side I did not see before. It's not about convincing you or anyone else anything. It's about what I've learned. That's all.

I want to add that I had to pay for that counselling I got, and now that I have the DX, I still have to pay for counselling. Perhaps you are in a country where a AS DX can get you cut-price counselllng but my country this isnt the case.

As I have been saying all along, perhaps not very well, "Everyone's circumstances are different." I'm not judging you or anyone else. I'm in the same boat as you were not long ago. I am firmly convinced I have AS, but do not have the money for long term counseling or therapy. I can't even get a DX, which would open the doors for at least some funding for that counseling, without first opening those doors by paying for the DX myself. Then, yes, there would be at least some support available for me. It may not be everything I need, but it's sure beats doing nothing. I'm lucky to have the cash to get things started at least, and it probably won't last long, but at least I can get the ball rolling. Where I am, this is what I need to do.

I think it's great that you were able to get your counseling. I think it's too bad you can't get any help to pay for it, but if you are able to pay for it, you are clearly better off than I am to begin with. From the looks of your responses, you seem to think I'm saying you should get a diagnosis, or that a DX would open doors for you that wouldn't otherwise be open to you. I'm not saying that at all. I am saying only that for the vast majority of us, it would. Everyone's circumstances are different.

More - I doubt about the possibility of having some kind support for social impairment: you can have special programs to find jobs (or give SSI) to autistic people; but wat can you do for social impairment? A program to find "friends" (or lovers) for autistic people (sounds weird)?

There are therapies available to help Aspies learn to deal with social situations. Social impairment isn't just about making friends or finding a date. Social impairments also affect how effectively or non-effectively we perform at our jobs. "Social" doesn't just apply to parties, friends and dating, it also applies to ANY work related activity we might engage in with other people. Some of us might be perfectly happy to work in isolated situations like a file room alone, but many of us, myself included, wouldn't last a month working alone. I hate working alone. I need interaction with other people, but I'm just not very good at it. There are counseling and therapeutic techniques available to help us learn to cope and adapt to social situations AT WORK, or even running our own businesses. Is it easy to find people that specialize in it? Probably not, but they are out there, and they do exist.

Well I spent a good few years wishing I could break into county mental health and burn my files.

Of course that would never work, and if they caught me, then I'd have more files.

I certainly empathize with those who went much of their lives incurring bad experiences because they had AS and didn't have a name for it, knowing in their mind something was amiss with them only to have their problems minimized, often in the form of putdowns and ridicule, when they tried to express them, or could not cope with something.

It is nice to know that you are not crazy, or a born loser. That much, I can empathize with.

However the label does not protect you from bad experiences, and just because one feels validated in obtaining an official diagnosis does not mean it is ok to regard those without one as "fakes".

In doing so you subject them to the same minimization and negativity I mentioned above, much like the slave enslaving others.

Possibly the differences may be related to location. In the UK, people go to get help for disabilities through the NHS, where the help is free for people who are diagnosed with a disability, but at the moment, the NHS does not provide social help for people with Aspergers. It is not seen as a priority. There is private help available, but it's incredibly expensive. A diagnosis does not give you free access to private help. I was actually told by my GP that my diagnosis won't be useful to me, because there is practically no support available and so few healthcare professionals understand Aspergers.

In my area, there is a woman who has set up her own charity and provides a group for people on the spectrum, so I am part of that, but that is not something that is available throughout the UK, nor is there even room in the group for many people to join. And I didn't even have to show my diagnosis to become a member of the group. But it's very much a one-off thing - a one-woman show, as it were. And I found out about it quite by chance, because it's not advertised. That could be an example of support that is hard to locate - but to me, if support is hard to locate, that is limiting access in itself. Ideally, there should be support readily available and accessible to everyone with Aspergers, which GPs know about and can point you towards.

There were so many quotes within quotes, I'm not sure who this actually came out of... zen_mistress I think.

I'm totally agreeing with the original post in this thread. I have had trouble keeping jobs, I have horrible odd relationships with people, and the problem I see is that all my coping skills tend to mask the honest me underneath. I am actually terrified that because I don't present like I did when I was a child (which, of course, is the classic Aspie we have all mentioned) I will be misdiagnosed once again (I've been pinned and unpinned things like schizophrenic, then bipolar II, then hypomanic, then nothing at all) and I can't handle it. I can't handle if they are wrong again, but I assume that just means I won't accept anything other than a DX of Aspergers.

I guess I should just take a deep breath and go in, since I totally see Mr. Xxx's point.

There are differences depending on where you are, I'm sure, especially in what you can get paid for, and what you can't. I'm sure there are differences in what might be considered therapy for "social difficulties" and "job related" therapy. I do know where I am (New England) a lot is left up to the doctors and how debilitating they feel your impairments are, and often even their say so is not enough. Sometimes you've got to "fight city hall" to get what you need. In my particular state, people are routinely told "no" by the state agency administering the programs available. Frequently, simply demanding a hearing changes their minds.

Sometimes I think a lot of people when told "no" the first time, just accept the answer and assume there's nothing more they can do. They are sometimes even told verbally there is nothing more the agency can do, even though that is NOT what the written denial says. Don't get me started!

I guess I just question whether we push hard enough to get the help we need. AS, for me, has been a great help in wasting a lot of time because I'll bring up my needs to the wrong people (people who don't have access to the resources I need), and they'll nod and say, "Yeah, that's a great idea!" but months later I haven't heard a thing. It's taken me a long time, even though it should not have taken me so long, to realize I can't just ask one or two people, then hope they'll get something happening for me. I forget that if the questions or suggestions that I bring up aren't extremely direct, those I speak to often miss what I'm really asking, which is, "What can YOU do for me?" I just realized I made that same mistake just a week ago, with a new person involved with our kids, but paid for by the schools. Self advocacy isn't exactly our strong suit. It's really hard to self-advocate when your communication skills suck.

I KNOW I'm going to have a really hard time getting the help I need. I KNOW the process will be long, drawn out, and exhausting. But I doubt it will be any more exhausting than it is to "fake it in the real world," at jobs that will never get me anywhere I want or need to be. Been there, done that. Doesn't work. If I'm going to do any more "fake it 'til I make it," it's going to be for the help I need.

To my view, and I really don't think any reasonable doctor would disagree, "social" does not just mean "making friends, finding a lover, and being a good party attendee." All jobs require interpersonal relationships to some extent. All jobs require some level of social skills. The frustration, for me, comes from being fairly intelligent, yet constantly ending up in jobs that don't utilize that intelligence. The one skill I do have that I've actually used on the job is "baker." I can bake a mean french bread. I spent six years at two different jobs, and became very good at it. Trouble is, I HATE baking! It's fine at home, but I can't do that for work anymore, for a number of reasons. I'm allergic to flour dust, the heat exhausts me, the hours are messed up so I sleep all day, which leads to debilitating situational depression. For the stuff I AM good at, and actually ENJOY doing, I need to learn some better social skills.

Problem is, society unfortunately measures value with money. That basically means when a program is developed to help the disabled, the main goal is simply to get them back to work. Period. Nobody really cares what you do, as long as you get a check. And that is what I think you and others are saying. And you are right. The challenge for me is to find a doctor that understands that simply getting "plugged into" a "job" isn't necessarily going to benefit society in the long run if I'm not happy with the job. The challenge for me is to find a doctor that understands that the same things that prevent me from forming and maintaining long term friendships and functioning well in trivial social situations are the same things that prevent me from finding and sticking with professional work that does benefit society as a whole, because the work not only allows me to demonstrate my full potential, but I also LOVE the work.

I'm not delusional in thinking it will be easy. I know it will be hard. I know I'll be told "no" because I already have numerous times. I won't accept "no." I refuse to. I don't care if I have to got through a thousand "no's" to get to a "yes." Somewhere out there is a doctor who gets that simply plugging me back into a job that either doesn't utilize my potential, or only uses it a little will do nothing more than further perpetuates the same vicious cycles that have until now led to nothing more than short term work that wastes my time, ignores what I can really do, and ultimately, repeatedly leads to stress that costs society money because it actually leads to real debilitating poor physical health that prevents me from working ANY job.

My challenge now is to convince the system that repeating the past will only lead to me being right back where I am now in short order. Something different HAS to be done. And that something is leaning to apply and adapt social strategies in the work place. I know full well that without that, any program I enter will be a total waste of money and time.

I have been through many "no's" over the past few years. I refused to accept "no." I kept looking. Last week, I found, for the first time, a doctor with a daughter who has AS, who "gets it." She can't personally help, but it's a start. She's been through it. She knows. She's the key at this point to finding another doctor who not only "gets it" but can actually DO something about it.

It's easy to give up. It's easy to assume that all one has to do is talk to one or two doctors, then when nothing happens, just give up. I've done it! Numerous times! It's exhausting, frustrating, and tiring, but I refuse to believe it can't be done. I won't "settle" for failure! Each failure is just one step closer to success. If I die before ever finding a solution, I don't care. I'd rather die trying, because giving up will only put me right back where I was, and trying, fighting, scratching and struggling to get what I need is not exactly what I want to be doing, but it's more rewarding than doing the same old thing. The same old think is no longer an option I will accept. PERIOD!

But, that's me. I'm not you. I'm not anyone else. I see the possibilities. That doesn't mean you do, can, or that the same possibilities are even available to you. I don't honestly know if they are for me. But I see them anyway. If they aren't there, they SHOULD BE! But if they aren't there, they'll NEVER be there if all we do is give up the first time we're told "no." Things don't change if no on does anything to change them.

Either what I seek is out there, or it isn't. If it is, I won't quit until I find it. If it isn't I will kick and scream until it is. If enough of us kick and scream, maybe one day not so many of us will be routinely told no.

I am currently unDX ed and i'm going for one.

As others have mentioned, its more of a "staying afloat" problem thing for me than "just a cash handout". I have a job, i live on my own and i can manage pretty well on my own, but reality has shown its face and there are some things that i have missed out of from life and i'm now way behind everyone else.

So, if i'm going to be able to keep my job and stay in my own place, i need a DX which will give me the help i need. I do not need anyone to hold my hand and such, but i do need a push forward to get an "even playing field".

I actually stopped from getting a proper DX about a year ago, at the time i thought "hey, who needs it?", but reality decided otherwise.

Oh, I totally agree. I had to push really hard, for a couple of years, at college to finally get the support I needed. But that is tangible support, and I could specify exactly what I needed. I suppose I could push for support with social skills, but thinking about it, I would doubt the ability of the 'experts' to know exactly what would benefit me, as there are so many stereotypes and myths surrounding Aspergers, and the 'experts' don't fully understand it. I have taught myself a lot regarding social/communication skills (and yes, definitely, it's about far more than making friends) from reading, observing, experimenting. My main difficulty - that is, what impacts my life the most - is with organisational skills (executive dysfunction) and sensory difficulties. And from what I read, there is not a lot known about how to compensate for executive dysfunction.

But with regard to people taking 'no' at face value, and not pushing, well, taking things literally does tend to be a characteristic of a lot of people on the spectrum. It's taken me many years to realise that 'no' isn't necessarily the final answer. Also, with regard to fighting, sometimes the fight is so exhausting in itself that the cost is not worth the result. At college, the fight was worth it, because I had a very specific goal in mind, and it was very important to me, but I don't want to spend my entire life fighting, because the fight more exhausting and traumatic than the difficulties that Aspergers brings. I am forever weighing up cost and benefits, and making whatever trade-off works out the best for me.

Further treatment? What further treatment? What treatment is there for a 30 year old who has trouble with friendships, and who absolutely cannot talk about out loud about personal stuff? (Me 10 years ago, when I maybe did qualify for a diagnosis.) I don't see that the psychiatric profession had much to offer me then. Not to mention, getting a diagnosis, of whatever they might have decided, would have required, like, being about to see "I have an issue".

And, yeah, I know you did go on, after what I quoted, to talk about getting treatment. But it doesn't for me make the case.

Psychiatric treatment isn't always the answer. And, even when it is, doesn't really require a diagnostic label as much as it requires an understanding therapist you takes you as an individual and helps you based on your own traits and needs.

Having relationship issues, complete lack of friendship other than my husband, did not mean that the only way to change that was to see a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis.

I really don't see that there are helps that require a diagnosis for those where the issues are social/interpersonal, rather than work-related.