People minimizing your desire for social experiences.

Post Reply New Topic

I've been to clubs, etc with friends and found the entire time I was wishing I was at home, in my room, playing video games...

Mostly I feel sad that I didn't waste my youth the way I should have. I really wish I'd been out boozing it up, making out w/random strangers, having sex and doing things that could have gotten me arrested instead of staying at home by myself. I feel like I just can't relate to most people and I'm like 15 years behind my peers socially.

I had friends but not that many. I never went to a Prom which seemed like a big deal at the time.

There is no way to go back and redo the past, but can you get out and have some social fun now? Maybe if some of you who feel that way are close enough to do a meet-up you could pick a central and neutral location to hang out. It doesn't fix the past, but it's not too late to have fun now.

My parents always put my social life last on their priority list.

It's a weird thing for an Aspie to want to do, grubbing about in crowds and all, but if you want to give it a go then I'd just go and do it if I were you.

I never went to a prom - don't even know what they are, I guess you don't get them unless you go to university or something. But is anybody actually stopping you with force, or are they just recommending that you don't go? When I was young there was always this thing with parents where they'd stop us doing anything they didn't feel was properly controlled....mostly they didn't want us to get laid too soon. They were doing us a favour in a way but they took it much too far and didn't win our hearts and minds, so we started calling our own shots, and just didn't tell them what we were really up to. It was a pity because then we had no limits and we made all kinds of stupid mistakes that we'd have avoided if only we'd listened, but at least they were our mistakes, and generally speaking it didn't kill us.

The opposite actually. People tend to treat my AS as little more then a personality trait, mocking my shyness when I won't go with them :(.

It's seems the understanding of AS in the states is quite different that it is in most places around the world.



Edit: Not that I don't need a little social chaos every now and again.

Last edited by Darkword on 05 Jul 2010, 10:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Actually I was recently invited to a large "trendy" party at a night club, but I'm unable to go because of the part of town it's in. Otherwise, I'd stop by at least to be polite.

I'd like to make clear, I don't like loud trendy night clubs. They are sesspools. It's not those I really care to go to, but it would have been nice to go to some of the smaller, more quite venues with a close group of friends.

I am one of the rare people with AS who likes social interaction, but it has to be a low key events such as a church get together, or a one on one lunch with a friend.

I never attended my prom, I didn't have a girlfriend plus I had to work that evening. No big loss!

I can count on one hand the number of times that I have been in a drinking establishment the last 10 years. Do not like the drunkeness or the fact that it is hard to socialize when people are in such states.

Lastly, in order for an event to be successful, there has to be at least a person or two that I know there.

I never went to any of those parties and proms and what have you either.

And I do not miss it either. Its just not my life and back in my school years I was only too happy that no one would bother me when I was not actually required to be there.
After school I'd get on my bike and race right back home.

That was me before I met my husband at age 30; I spent my childhood and young adulthood reading on my bed. I managed a little bit of friendship, some concerts, sometimes a boyfriend, but never had people I saw more than occasionally once I was out of school, never had anyone to just hang out with, much less in a group, never did any of the normal young-person stuff. I'm just now, in my mid-40's, starting to get involved at the edges of a group, and it's HARD work, and has literally taken YEARS to get to the point of finally being at someone's house other than the person's I've known for over 20 years (who was my way into the group). {sigh}

I missed out on a lot of social experiences in my life and will probably miss out on many more. I hate autism, especially the fact that it reduces me to that. Instead of being out with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I'm either sitting home in front of the computer bored, or I drive to the gym and work out.

I think the people who tell you that you are not missing anything are NOT trying to make you feel better. They are trying to make themselves feel better.

They may genuinely wish you well, but if they can't see any way to help you to socialize better, they will likely feel bad for having these common social experiences when you have been unable to. They tell you that you aren't missing anything so they don't have to feel bad that you were left out while they were having fun.

I regret not having these social experiences even though I'd likely not enjoy them mostly because without them I sink deeper and deeper into my isolated life. It's not the party I miss, but the ability to make real human connections. I think this is something most NTs have little comprehension of.

Anyway, that's how I see it.

Lars