Communicating with the deaf when you do not make eye contact

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She sounds incredibally rude. I think the problem is that some disabled people think that they are somehow entitled to more than what other people get because of their disability. This isn't always true. Not everyone is going to be able to give them what they need, in the op's case because of his own disability (I know not everyone sees ASD as a disability but this is not a debate about that!). This is my personal opinion however so don't take it as the 100% truth.

I personally am starting to force myself to use eye contact at times. Not everyone can do this and it is very difficult for me even though I am 'VERY high functioning' as the psychologist put it. Don't take this one situation to mean that ALL deaf people are like her. I have met many deaf, blind or physically disabled people and they are all different. Just because one or two of them are jerks doesn't mean they all are.

I'm curious, was she an older person? (apologies if you have already explained)

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I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )

I am careful now these days when I use the R word. People take that word so offensively by assuming I am putting down a mentally ret*d person if I used it. They take the word so literally. So I am careful to not use it to anyone else or out in public where anyone can overhear and they but in and scream at me just because they have a child with it or know someone who has it or they have students with it.

Okay, so her saying "ret*d" was not cool.

That said, if she did not know you're not NT, then I can understand why she might have gotten upset about the pen and paper. I would get pissed if an NT did that to me because it would seem like they were making assumptions about what I can and cannot do. Hearing people constantly do annoying stuff like that so your attempt to communicate may have come across as patronizing.

we have couple deaf people in your school even i cant sing with em fast enough i can still keep up a jokes

im deaf so i look at people mouth most of time and face when someone is upset so i look at them because when they are upset i look at their eyes see if they crying and i got worried quickly and came up cuddle to them and i most of time read lips while listening

I have a terrible time communicating via Deaf interpreter. The polite thing is to focus on the Deaf person, not the interpreter. But I need to look in the direction of the speech in order to process what is being said. Its not a volume issue, but it is a hearing issue. Most Deaf people are understanding when I explain that I have hearing problem too and need to look at the speaker. But its a bummer that I have to do this. I just chalk it up to reaching the limits of what we can do for each other. Also, the added volume that many Deaf people use so that they can hear through their skin (for example, the bass in music) is really painful to me. It makes me sad, but my sensory needs really put up a barrier to my relating to Deaf people.