Anyone ever get the "I'm not normal either" commen

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After trying to explain to my NT partner just how much the Asperger's actually affects me and being upset due to being so different to the NTs and about how i need to "fake myself and act" just to fit in and how much I have to work at doing so... he goes but you are normal.

He seems completely unable to comprehend that im so different (thou he is aware and believes i do have Aspergers).. i keep telling him that what goes in inside my head isnt "NT normal" but he thinks cause I can so often (i cant always).. manage to blend in (with a heap of stress inside me thou..its unbearable at times) .. He thinks im not much different to a NT.

Maybe he thought it was a compliment--his way of saying that you do a really good job of APPEARING to blend in.

He CAN'T understand what it's like because he's not experiencing it.

Not an excuse--just a possible explanation.

This is the worst part. You can act only so normal, so that everyone can tell something is 'off', yet you act normal enough that no one really believes anything is wrong. BLARGH!

Though I'm not Diagnosed but currently being assessed, everyone who has asked why I am getting help as taken that attitude towards my possible AS, except my mother, yet when I mention my Diabetes they are very sincere and mention how difficult that must be, but to me my Type 1 diabetes is much less of a disability than my Psychological / neurological issue's.

I don't get that comment because I don't tell anyone about my AS unless they really need to know.

When I told the boss about it, he said "you will feel more comfortable once you get used to things here"

I've heard that one too. Also the "what is normal" question. But do we really have to invent the deep plate every time we use a word? I use to answer: normal is what most people are like, and it's always compared to another thing. Eg. compared to an NT, I'm not normal, but he may be not normal in another way, I mean in case of NT vs. aspie I am not.
But I would be normal compared to a blind or deaf person.

They think they make us feel better with the "you're not the only one" thing. But I get annoyed instead.
I mean, what does it help in itself that I'm not the only one, unless it's exactly what is my problem?
If I'm not the only one, then there are so many more people who have that problem too - shouldn't that rather be worse than better?
It's like they think everything is automatically solved if you're not the only one. Like the majority is God or something: it's a comfort by its mere being, and no other arguments are needed.
That said, it can be good to know at times. If you can support each other. But it's not the universal cure every time.

Eg. when I tell others about my executive dysfunction, I get the one: Oh, it's hard for everyone to get things done! Even when I've told them on beforehand that I have more than usual difficulties. It's like I have to give a looong lecture before they understand just a little bit. Like they don't trust that I should be the one to know.
Sometimes the "you're not the only one" apparently is used to make you "feel better". At other times it's apparently like "don't think you're special" or "don't worry, it's not an AS thing, so maybe you don't have it as much as you believe." Even if it wasn't an AS thing, I would be an aspie anyway. The problem in itself still makes trouble. It's like they think that I must find AS issues worse than other issues. But it's not necessarily so.

Should I also tell a blind person: "don't worry, I don't see perfectly either, I wear glasses"? That would be ridiculous. (Or just say "you're not the only one who is blind? I guess most NTs would find it rude or out of context... but then again, blindness is more "visible" than AS).
Or I may ask the NTs who tell me that they're "lazy" too: would you also tell a dyslexic: Oh, I can't spell everything either!?
Not everything can be compared.

"Having a million dollars is such a pain in the a**. You have to carry it around and... it's so heavy! You can put it in a backpack, but then the straps dig into your shoulders... you're lucky, you have no idea what a schlep it is!"

yes and i hate it. why do they say it IDK.

I get it all the time. I can't stand the "Its easy to talk to people" "Just tell them why you're upset" "Nobody's as messy as you are" ect.

People listen when they are frustrated I can't act right or do something. There are very few 'ah ha' moments in the real world. Most people are only interested in things that directly (e)affect their own life. I think it is why forums like these are important. We can relate, compare, and understand. The rest of the world has to try to care and if there is no motivation (personal) the majority of the people we encounter couldn't care less. They have their struggles and relate to the people that share their perspective. That is not to say there aren't people who are naturally interested, or who care but honestly how many do you find that do care who are free of any personal motive? Well I have found very very few. They appear to care because they want something, (a kiss lol)(money) but real true interest and compassion is not there. They may listen but only because they want knowledge for a purpose. This world is under the false impression that everyone wants to know every little thing each of us are doing. Life is personal, struggles are personal, we are all on our own. Test it. The next time you feel the need to explain after saying 'no' or 'I would rather not' or 'I cannot' see how much of an explanation someone is interested in hearing? I find once they get the answer 'no' their level of interest in the explanation is directly porportional to what are their motives for asking? Sorry if I sound negative but honestly it is the truth.

Nope, but that's just because so few people know that I'm diagnosed.

TeeHee
Great stuff!

I am starting to re enter the "real" world and any time I tell someone "I can't go clubbing" or "if that place is loud I can't go in" the other always responds "that's okay I don't like loud sounds as well. That's why I find a good table"

NT have an answer for every thing. Almost none of them are helpful or good.

Yep, that has been my experience as well. I find it rather annoying, if I take the time to bring up Asperger's then it is because I want to know the others persons opinion of it etc. so when they just sit there being quiet or rattle off a few of those ridiculous comments that mean nothing it is like they are just brushing it aside.

My co-workers and I got him fired for sneaking out of machine shop when the boss and his brother were out of the shop so he could play with his laptop in his car so he could sit in air-conditioning, His CNC lathe crashed while he was enjoying his car's aircon and no one hit the emergancy stop button for him. When the boss and his brother came back there was a crowd around his machine all 10 of us. The boss freaked out asking where he was and I told him I saw him sitting in his car. The boss walked up to him and told him to go home. When boss ran out to fire him there was much giggling. He rubbed everyone the wrong way in the two days he worked with us. One of the machine operators is gay. On the first day he told the gay machine operator his theory on why some people are gay, he did not know the machine operator was gay. When we were all in the break room the gay machine operator kept asking everyone if we put him up to it as a joke and he was shocked when we said no.

People find it easier to have sympathy/empathy for a "physical" condition. Although AS is neurological and not something you can "help" having, anything that manifests psychologically often is looked upon as "odd" or "an excuse" or...well, you get the idea.



I wrote a paper about this once. Good answers.



I think that maybe they really have no idea what you're talking about because it is outside of their experience, but they don't want to sound ignorant. Ironically, they end up sounding even MORE ignorant than if they had just nodded and said nothing!



Exactly.