Do you get ANGRY when people think you are "dumb"?

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Basperger
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17 Jul 2010, 8:33 am

Extremely narrow minded, on the one hand they accuse us 'not seeing the forest through the trees' (I hope I get the expression/metaphor right), but when It comes to social skills, they only see their tree and not our tree, metaphorically speaking.



johnnydangerous
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17 Jul 2010, 8:41 am

Basperger wrote:
Extremely narrow minded, on the one hand they accuse us 'not seeing the forest through the trees' (I hope I get the expression/metaphor right), but when It comes to social skills, they only see their tree and not our tree, metaphorically speaking.


In school, unlike a lot of Aspies, I was always horrible at math and extremely gifted at grammar and reading. If a classmate was terrible at reading, but great at math, he was more gifted in a different area than I was. That's all. I NEVER thought of him or her as "dumb".

So why is it so hard for NT's to understand that just because we are not "gifted" socially, we are in fact, gifted in many OTHER areas?

Nope. They just say "well he can't socialize to my standards. He's dumb". I'd like to pull that person to the side, find out what they are bad at, and then say "oh you can't do math? You must be 'slow' right?"

It's the height of ignorance, in my opinion.



b9
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17 Jul 2010, 8:51 am

johnnydangerous wrote:
b9 wrote:
blah......


See I wish I could say that, and I wish I could think the way you do. But I have to be honest, it hurts me when people see me this way when in fact THE OPPOSITE is the truth. Not only am I not "dumb" I have in fact ABOVE AVERAGE intelligence.

your intelligence is your gift. you are lucky to have it, and it does not have to be shared in order for it to be real.
i care less for people than you do, so i do not feel the "short changedness" that you feel.
for example, i like to sit on a rock in the bush (when i go for a walk) and think, and i am so happy that in my own being i find joy in seeing things in the way i do.
the only person i want to think for is me. others can labor in their misapprehensions, and their shortness of perception all happens "over there" in my mind.
it is fun to think things that please me to have thought, and if what i try to say bounces off blank faces, then i turn away and resume my own reverie.



johnnydangerous
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17 Jul 2010, 9:19 am

b9 wrote:
johnnydangerous wrote:
b9 wrote:
blah......


See I wish I could say that, and I wish I could think the way you do. But I have to be honest, it hurts me when people see me this way when in fact THE OPPOSITE is the truth. Not only am I not "dumb" I have in fact ABOVE AVERAGE intelligence.

your intelligence is your gift. you are lucky to have it, and it does not have to be shared in order for it to be real.
i care less for people than you do, so i do not feel the "short changedness" that you feel.
for example, i like to sit on a rock in the bush (when i go for a walk) and think, and i am so happy that in my own being i find joy in seeing things in the way i do.
the only person i want to think for is me. others can labor in their misapprehensions, and their shortness of perception all happens "over there" in my mind.
it is fun to think things that please me to have thought, and if what i try to say bounces off blank faces, then i turn away and resume my own reverie.


I think a big part of the problem for me is that I haven't found a woman to share my life with yet. I am intelligent, and phsyically I am handsome and in good shape. Yet I have noone ALL because I am "different" socially.

If ONE person (woman) would love me for who I am, I think I would then be able to shut the rest of the world out, and share your attitude towards people in general. But...I haven't found her yet, or she hasn't found me. I get approached by gorgeous women ALL THE TIME because of the way I look, but when they see how I ACT, they flee. This saddens me. I do not wish to die alone.

How do I deal with this? Also, are you married or with someone? Thanks.



Basperger
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17 Jul 2010, 9:21 am

@johnnydangerous: I can really relate to that, if they see one shortcoming, they seem to think you're full of shortcomings.
@b9: I admire your positive point of view, you should indeed be happy with who you are, but on the other hand, I would like people to be more understanding and open minded to all deviates of society (not only Aspies)



SmilerOnline
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17 Jul 2010, 9:29 am

@Johnny:

Hey mate, I know how you feel, I used to find it to be difficult like that, but I know that I have had a few girls interested in me for my personality lately, and thats primarilly because since I've gone through this big change of how I am around other people, I have developed quite a cheezy sence of humour... my sence of humour is different from most lads but girls find it funny so they enjoy having me around!,

I'd just suggest that you try your hardest not to take offence to anything, its difficult at first, but if you feel offended, then just hold it in... if someone says sumit like "you look like a tit" you just reply with... aahhhh... thats why you were looking at me in that way then! but smirk at the end of the joke so they know your joking (don't do the obviously fake laugh... just a simple smirk will do!)


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rmctagg09
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17 Jul 2010, 9:57 am

Yeah, I hate that most emphatically. Just because my social skills aren't that great does not mean I am mentally impaired.



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17 Jul 2010, 10:36 am

b9 wrote:
johnnydangerous wrote:
b9 wrote:
blah......


See I wish I could say that, and I wish I could think the way you do. But I have to be honest, it hurts me when people see me this way when in fact THE OPPOSITE is the truth. Not only am I not "dumb" I have in fact ABOVE AVERAGE intelligence.

your intelligence is your gift. you are lucky to have it, and it does not have to be shared in order for it to be real.
i care less for people than you do, so i do not feel the "short changedness" that you feel.
for example, i like to sit on a rock in the bush (when i go for a walk) and think, and i am so happy that in my own being i find joy in seeing things in the way i do.
the only person i want to think for is me. others can labor in their misapprehensions, and their shortness of perception all happens "over there" in my mind.
it is fun to think things that please me to have thought, and if what i try to say bounces off blank faces, then i turn away and resume my own reverie.

I wish I had your self possession b9, but I seem to need that kind of approval. Perhaps because intelligence and academic achievement were the currency of approval in my family. I guess it also frustrates me that there are things I understand visually but can't express verbally. But I am like you in that I am happy in my own thoughts just watching nature.



Willard
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17 Jul 2010, 11:48 am

johnnydangerous wrote:
the usage of language I perform when speaking, coupled with the content of my words, should CLEARLY demonstrate to the other said person involved that I am, in fact, NOT DUMB but rather just a little "odd" or "weird"' if you will.

However it would seem NT's cannot "seperate" someone who acts "weird" from someone who is, lets say, mentally ret*d.


Then that would indicate a mental deficiency on the part of the querent. If you're clearly displaying an above-average vocabulary and they ask if you're 'slow', then I'd say its them who's a little thick in the thinker.

Maybe they think because you're using so many words they don't understand that you're just making them up. :wink:



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17 Jul 2010, 11:56 am

I think most people do...
But, yes, I tend to be furious after someone utters such an immature insult.



clumsybee
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17 Jul 2010, 12:19 pm

It definitely bothers me some when people assume I'm stupid. I had this happen a couple of years ago when I was briefly in a chemistry class, and the teacher was beloved by most of the students. I thought she was crazy. Anyways, after the first test, I was the only one who scored in the 90's while most people failed. She commented on how she thought that I would do the worst on the test because I looked slow and dull, and she got the rest of the class to agree. It infuriated me so much that I dropped the class.



Andre_br
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17 Jul 2010, 12:34 pm

clumsybee wrote:
It definitely bothers me some when people assume I'm stupid. I had this happen a couple of years ago when I was briefly in a chemistry class, and the teacher was beloved by most of the students. I thought she was crazy. Anyways, after the first test, I was the only one who scored in the 90's while most people failed. She commented on how she thought that I would do the worst on the test because I looked slow and dull, and she got the rest of the class to agree. It infuriated me so much that I dropped the class.


I'd have just replied something like: Well, what a relief... anyway, then I guess we even. <smile>



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17 Jul 2010, 12:38 pm

No, it makes me really happy when people think I'm an idiot. Note the sarcasm. I am slow when it comes to some things (math, chemistry, and so many other things.. :lol: ) so I guess I can understand why some might labor under the misapprehension that I am a moron.
Hell, they might even be correct. It's like Holden Caulfield says: "All morons hate it when you call them a moron."


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17 Jul 2010, 12:53 pm

clumsybee wrote:
It definitely bothers me some when people assume I'm stupid. I had this happen a couple of years ago when I was briefly in a chemistry class, and the teacher was beloved by most of the students. I thought she was crazy. Anyways, after the first test, I was the only one who scored in the 90's while most people failed. She commented on how she thought that I would do the worst on the test because I looked slow and dull, and she got the rest of the class to agree. It infuriated me so much that I dropped the class.

You should have said, "Yes, well it takes intellect to recognise intellect".



thegreatpretender
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17 Jul 2010, 1:32 pm

Strangely enough, I realised playing dumb sometimes made people like me better. I guess the usual AS behaviour (e.g. questioning assumptions etc.) may occasionally seem threatening and playing dumb leads to more (condescending) indulgence.

This is useful in everyday interactions, but I haven't convinced myself to do it at work, even though it would smooth things out a lot.



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17 Jul 2010, 2:02 pm

I get so angry, I go into meltdowns but people more often than not think I am somekind of genius.


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