Do you ever appear to be a "warm" person?

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DonDud
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26 Jul 2010, 12:30 pm

KaiG wrote:
MotownDangerPants wrote:
BriannaBee wrote:
Warm? Do you mean nice or friendly? I act like that to people I like. But around people I don't like or don't know I'm just like "Yeah hi."


Just seeming like you genuinely care.

If I genuinely care, I seem like I genuinely care. If I don't geniunely care, I wouldn't want to appear to genuinely care.


I do hate how people insist on saying something to you just because you're there. I mostly hate it because I respond so poorly to it. I guess the downside to improperly reciprocating social pleasantries is that people will give up on you before you ever get the chance to know whether they're someone you could get along with. I mean, I may not care now but it's possible I could care if I got to know you.



SmallFruitSong
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26 Jul 2010, 12:35 pm

How I perceive myself as appearing towards others: shy but friendly.

How others generally perceive me: cold, distant, arrogant, aloof... 8O

I remember having a conversation with a good friend of mine and she said, "You appear cold and distant when people first meet you..." and that baffled me quite a bit because I never thought I would come across that way.

I've have people come up to me and say, "Do you think you're hot s**t?" and others tell me that I ought to smile more...I'm not sure why.

Once I do get comfortable with people, I think I can be warm - or, at least, it's my version of "warm' :lol:


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Surreal
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26 Jul 2010, 12:41 pm

starquake wrote:
Yes, I regularly get compliments like "I thought you're an a**hole, but in fact you can be very kind". Then some weeks later the same folks call me an a**hole again.


Ditto.

I am often said to appear angry or depressed. One woman I work with says she doesn't get warmth from my personality. She can be a $#!+ disturber, so a part of me DOESN'T CARE. But her sentiments are the same ones echoed by others in that I do not exude warmth or approachability.

Flattened affect I guess.



Fiz
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26 Jul 2010, 3:25 pm

If I care enough about someone's wellbeing, then yes I think the person in question can see that I care. I will never put it on to please people, I have to actually feel concern etc before I can display it.


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marshall
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26 Jul 2010, 3:57 pm

DonDud wrote:
KaiG wrote:
MotownDangerPants wrote:
BriannaBee wrote:
Warm? Do you mean nice or friendly? I act like that to people I like. But around people I don't like or don't know I'm just like "Yeah hi."


Just seeming like you genuinely care.

If I genuinely care, I seem like I genuinely care. If I don't geniunely care, I wouldn't want to appear to genuinely care.


I do hate how people insist on saying something to you just because you're there. I mostly hate it because I respond so poorly to it. I guess the downside to improperly reciprocating social pleasantries is that people will give up on you before you ever get the chance to know whether they're someone you could get along with. I mean, I may not care now but it's possible I could care if I got to know you.

I know what you mean. I think I've gotten better at reciprocating social pleasantries in terms of just smiling and acting polite. The issue is that I always feel scripted. This is probably alright for the first time you meet someone new, but if there's no progression from that nothing meaningful will ever come of it. If I can't find common ground early on it's pretty tough to keep a conversation going or even have the motivation to initiate a new conversation at a later time. Some kind of common interest is really my only chance.

I'm probably never going be able to naturally carry on a conversation with someone who is completely and wholly different from me. It takes some kind of emotional energy supply that isn't available to me. I'm always energized by the topic of conversation first, not the other person's physical presence. Joint enthusiasm for a topic or a common experience is what feeds me socially. Without that I can't help but feel wooden and contrived. I can't quite enter a certain "zone" where I can express myself in any kind of novel or engaging way. Instead I feel like wilting flower.



thechadmaster
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26 Jul 2010, 4:02 pm

you could say im warm, ive been running about 98.6 for the past 23 years. :lol:


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marshall
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26 Jul 2010, 4:17 pm

I can't honestly say whether I appear to be a "warm" person or not. Nobody has ever commented one way or the other. I feel cold though.

Often I care on the inside but I don't have the mental energy to show it. When I'm not feeling well I really dread situations where I'm expected to put on a happier mood for the sake of others. I feel like an emotional leper sometimes.