autism and obsession with "showing"

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I never seem to spontaneously point out or share other peoples objects of interest. I make a conscious effort to do so only because I want to show I care about their feelings. It seems natural to share my own interests though.

I think you might be putting the cart before the horse. I think the reason you were shy, was because you didn't feel an innate desire to to share those things. Instead you felt "neurological anxiety" towards sharing, opining, pointing out, and showing... And this is why you were (and I was) shy. Not the other way around... I know it's somewhat semantics, but there is a real issue there too.


Well put! I think you really hit it on the head there...

I long ago gave up thinking that others would be interested in "my obsessions" so I keep them to myself, unless someone actually shows an interest in them. Friends have learned NOT to do that too... cause I can drive them nuts when they do show that interest.
The feigning interest... I know what it's like... and it may not be very aspie to take this stance, but why would I make someone else pretend to be interested in something if I know they aren't. Most of my obsessions are extremely abstract and esoteric, so I'd also have to give them a whole course in the background material just to explain a single point to them... it's not worth it, and they don't want to do it, and I'll just alienate the few friends I do have, if I try.

One coping mechanism I do have is that I try to always maintain one obsession that at least SOME people will be able to share... Right now it's amassing a massive collection of movies. Here's the kicker though... I constantly need input from others, because the only movies I think of are ones that are... well, out there... But I like to pad it with movies that fit with a wider audience too, because I can enjoy those movies too, they just wouldn't be the ones I'd ever pick to watch if i was the only one watching.... And as most of my life i've been a loner, those movies don't come to mind when I'm looking for movies to download.

I think there is another reason as well, why I don't "share" my interests, (or as MathGirl mentioned, point out things of interest to other people) that much. For me to "share" the interest, I have to translate it into words. Words are great for extroverts, they're a bane for introverts. My ideas don't always convert to words very well, and putting them into words sometimes even messes me up, and things don't come out as they're meant to, and people misunderstand... often BADLY! NTs also read too much into things too... and I'm always afraid they're going to take offense when I talk about something. Words for ideas also don't come fast enough to me... I take too long to make that translation in my head, and people get bored for yet another reason. Plus I have to keep going back and correcting fine points that they miss or misunderstand. They want to see the whole picture... and they're too impatient to wait for the details to bring it all together. I get taken off on tangents by them, and by myself as well, long before I can put the whole picture together... and they're already off thinking about other things.

Also, lots of the things that others would find of interest, I would NEVER NOTICE IN A MILLION YEARS! The colour of a person's shirt, they model of a car, there are many things that most people notice, that just means nothing to me. Even when I watch for them, they usually go right by!

The whole issue just boils down to.... It's too difficult to share an obsession with someone who doesn't share that obsession. So why bother? My version of empathy would be that I would expect NT's to more or less take similar views... they don't though.

Hrm... ever wonder if the things we "aren't interested in" .... we're "OBSESSIVELY" not interested in? That would explain a bit too.

I've just remembered another thing I would do in my late teens/early twenties - I was notorious for telling people how to listen to songs I loved, what parts or phrases to look out for, what to imagine to go along with a certain sound or tone. Same thing in a different medium I guess

I'm not sure what you see from the NT perspective is exactly what I and other people on the spectrum experience. I don't think lack of theory of mind in the literal sense of understanding can explain my experience. That is an NT hypothesis derived from an NT perspective on observing autistic people. It isn't that we don't know or can't infer that other people have different interests than us. That describes a purely cognitive function. Emotional investment is not needed to infer the beliefs and interests of others. Emotional investment however is needed to share in someone else's interest. That's where the difficulty arises.

I HAD to show a bunch of my friends a couple episodes of "The IT Crowd". Thankfully, the episode had them laughing hysterically, and the next day, they downloaded the entire series and enjoyed all of it. One night, they just let the entire series run, as they also had other friends over, whom THEY showed the series. The interest was spreading like a virus!
When your friends DO respond positively to your interests, it's a GREAT feeling.

Yep. That would be the kind of thing I might do. I don't actually try to force my tastes on other people because I'm too self-conscious. However, the thoughts and feelings of wanting them to experience what I experience is there. I tend to get down on myself for being so egocentric this way but it feels like it's the only way I can relate. I have trouble related to people who experience things so differently from me.

actually, that was my point. Of course you want others to like what you like. I'm talking about sharing something or talking about something with someone else just because THEY like it, and getting into a convo with them about something they like just to be polite or "share" in their joy about a subject that is of no interest to you.

For example, my brother LOVES car engines. He tries to talk to me about them ALL the time. It clearly interests him and makes him happy. But I really do not care. And I tell him so. No matter how happy it makes him to talk about cars I just cannot get into it. Even if it makes him happy to talk about it. I can't even sit there and pretend to care and say, "Oh really? Interesting? What about that part? What does it do?" Nope. Not happening.

But if there's a Bollywood movie he'd like to see with me and discuss I LOVE that. When I find someone else is interested in what I'm interested in I'm over the freaking MOON. You cannot get me to shut up

It can in fact cause problems because a lot of the time I get people telling me I'm a bad listener or that I'm selfish because I won't talk about them unless it's involving something of interest to me.

I've never had an overwhelming desire to share experiences. Unless it's through my poetry and short stories. I used to randomly hand people I liked poems.

If I have a particularly pleasant experience, I might mention it if asked.

No one seems to have my interests. I get "oh that's nice" monotone responses or me repeating about something I find interesting and they are like you just said that now 3 times.

What are your interests, if you don't mind me asking?

But wanting others to like what you like IS a desire to share. Maybe it's an egocentric kind of desire, but nonetheless it's still a desire to connect with another human being. If one were completely lacking a desire to connect/share one would be just as happy talking about their interests to a toaster oven.

Yes. But I don't think this is what the DSM IV is talking about in the criteria I mentioned. It doesn't make any stipulation about spontaneous seeking to share other people's enjoyment, interest, achievements etc. It seems to imply total aloofness and disinterest in what other people think, which is misleading. AS is more egocentric than disinterested.

I guess I'm more interested to know if most people on the spectrum will have desire to "show" if fear and self-consciousness were removed from the equation. Ever since my teens I've been highly self-consciousness and reluctant to share my interests out of fear of being rejected, appearing weird, or just not eliciting the response I desire. Yet there's always a part of me deep down that wants to share and be heard, seen, appreciated etc... To many people on the spectrum, special interests are the most important part of thier identity, so it's impossible to just go through life keeping everything to oneself. Even those that don't have special interests seem to have a preference for talking at length and depth about their ideas rather than casually skimming the surface as is common in most NT social settings.

I know exactly what you're talking about. I never the first to comment when someone gets a new haircut or is wearing a new outfit because without prompting I will never take notice. It's not that I don't care enough about people to notice those kinds of things, it's just that without a concerted effort to pay attention those kinds of things are far too trivial for my mind to take notice. Yet looks are extremely important to a lot of people.

I wouldn't. It's just not something that crosses my mind much.

Same here. But although I don't have much of a natural desire to show, I know one aspie who talks about her special interests non-stop.

I'm sure many do have a desire to 'show'. It's only natural for humans to seek companionship, and things we find interesting tend to be a good catalyst. I share sometimes, but it has to be in the right context and I have to be in the right mood for it. My lack of sharing really has nothing to do with anxiety or my fear of being socially awkward.

I've long since accepted that most people find me too odd to really get to know. It doesn't bother me.