I was diagnosed at 8, but I've found that as I got older I've shown symptoms of Dyspraxia, and I was debating to myself whether I should go up the doctors again and get diagnosed with something what might be half Aspergers and half Dyspraxia - if there is such a thing. I'm somewhere on the Autism spectrum because I have high anxieties, mood swings, sensitivity to loud noise, upset at change, and other little problems like that.
But there are a few AS symptoms what does NOT show when it comes to social and communication techniques - therefore it makes people in the workplace think there is nothing wrong with me. The only thing I have shown was my high anxieties - but having high anxiety can be a seperate condition altogether. It doesn't make anyone think, ''oh, she gets nervous about lots of things - so she must have AS.'' No - that is not what they think. If I turned around and told all my collegues that I officially have AS, they will all look at me as if I've gone mad or something. I keep on thinking I might get into trouble if I suddenly told everyone I had it, because I act so normal they might think I'm trying to pretend I've got things just to get me out of doing much work or something.
Anyway - let's cut to the chase here. I'm not being sexist, but I think females can hide AS more so than males can. So it's because I'm female is why I have more AS symptoms in other areas than the social area. I seem to have AS on the inside, more than on the outside. Let me tell you what I mean:-
When, say, I'm sitting on the bus and there's a kid screaming it's head off and hurting my ears, I'm sitting there feeling angry and frustrated inside - but I try not to show it to other people. Well, I have glared at one before, and even huffed and puffed to myself - but nothing to draw everyone's attention to me. In other words, I wouldn't start having a meltdown in the middle of a public environment, involving screaming, stamping, swearing, ect (as much as I feel like it!! !), but I wouldn't. So, in a way, my AS stays inside me.
Other ways is, for example, my eye-contact. I know that it's natural for me to look at people's eyes when making conversation or even greeting them. I don't stare into their eyes, but I do look at their eyes. I've never been afraid to do that, so that's another symptom that doesn't show. Also, I don't take every single thing literally. And I'm good with knowing and ''reading'' other people's moods, emotions, facial expressions, tone of voice, and ect. And I'm good with using all that myself too - I don't speak in monotone or I don't hold just one mood all day. If I'm pissed off about something, I will say. If I'm happy about something, I will say. So - that's another symptom what I don't have. I can show my emotions.
I can struggle with dealing with people, but I seem to get most of the social rules right. If I do show that I struggle, it's usually in the same way a really shy NT would act - so people wouldn't see there's anything wrong with me in that. They will just assume I'm a shy person. I know I'm not the best socializer in the world, and I hate going to parties, weddings, and other social events, because I don't quite know what to say to people I don't know - but once I'm in a good conversation with someone, I think I do pretty well.
So, the bit what's confusing me is the main part of AS is social skills, but mine seem pretty good for a fully-diagnosed Aspie. I don't know if it's because I'm female, or if it's because it may overlap with Dyapraxia.
Thing is - I only have 4 friends, (not including my collegues at work). I don't quite know how that is to be, since I don't do bad with social skills............ahh, forget it! My AS just seems to go round and round in circles LOL
28 Jul 2010, 4:39 pm
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