Have you been accused of interrupting a lot?

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jagatai
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01 Aug 2010, 1:59 am

I have learned to stop interupting, but the downside is I feel I never get a word in. And then when people notice and suggest I say something (particularly in meetings at work) I get flustered and can't gather my thoughts.

Apropos of this, I was visiting my parents many years ago and we were having a lively conversation. At one point I interrupted my mother and she blew up, saying everybody interrupted her over and over. The irony is that it is impossible to finish a sentence within 20 feet of my mother. She finishes people's sentences, interrupts constantly, often with topics that have nothing to do with the subject under discussion. I guess it was from this that I learned to try to make sure others get a chance to speak, but I feel it is stifling to my own need to say what is on my mind.

I think it is best to suppress some tendency to interrupt, but to try to feel free to interrupt some of the time. It can be hard to know when it is appropriate and when it is not. Maybe a good rule of thumb would be to interrupt about one time in three or four. That way you don't completely stifle yourself, but you reduce the frequency of interruptions.


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niggasanders
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01 Aug 2010, 2:48 am

yeah i do this as well because i want to cover everything that im thinking and wont wait for the other person to reply with there answer. i get too excited sometimes and as mentioned before my brains like going 100mph and i get caught up in my own thoughts and i dont take the time to process the information in my head to speak it into words.and i think that has something to do with being absent minded because if im thinking ahead i cant say everything right. my brain has to be at the same beat with my mouth



hale_bopp
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01 Aug 2010, 3:29 am

At least 20 times per day usually.



Celoneth
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01 Aug 2010, 7:12 am

I can never get the timing right - somehow the second I decide to say something, someone else does too, or someone's just taking a pause and I think they're done talking, it's not like I intend to interrupt them though.



Keeno
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01 Aug 2010, 10:05 am

I wouldn't say a lot. For me it's usually the other way round and it's the other person who interrupts me. I know one or two other Aspies who are really bad for interrupting.



b9
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01 Aug 2010, 10:21 am

i do not interrupt people.
i do not engage normally in conversation.
i can not hear anyone speak when i am talking, and i will say what i think until i am finished talking, and then when other people start talking i usually get up and go. they can talk to their hearts content, but i lose interest after i have said what i want to say and i do not listen to whatever is said by others much.
there are exceptions but they are rare.

i can not really correspond in conversation because if the thought being said does not come from my mind, then it is like a foreign object that is of not much interest to me.

i know that is bad, but i am the way i am and i understand why i have no friends.



conundrum
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01 Aug 2010, 11:43 am

jagatai wrote:
At one point I interrupted my mother and she blew up, saying everybody interrupted her over and over. The irony is that it is impossible to finish a sentence within 20 feet of my mother. She finishes people's sentences, interrupts constantly, often with topics that have nothing to do with the subject under discussion.


:roll: :lol:

Pot...kettle...black.

I know some people who are like this, too. When I try to tell them "You do the same thing" it's like they don't even hear me.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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01 Aug 2010, 1:04 pm

I interrupt and talk over people, both, or I don't say anything at all. My listening skills aren't so great, either.



marshall
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01 Aug 2010, 1:04 pm

Usually someone will say something that I can relate to and then I'll try and wait for the first pause to get my own 2 cents out. However, the pause is never long enough and another person usually starts saying something, after I decide it's my turn to speak but a split second before it actually gets out of my mouth. I have no way to avoid interrupting this way because if I immediatly cease talking every time this happens I'll never get a word in, ever.

It seems like NT's never have to actually THINK when they're talking so they're always going to be faster on the draw than me. I get irritated with conversations when it always feels like a competition.



Epiphany
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01 Aug 2010, 5:08 pm

It's never easy learning how to deal with or understand NT's. Doesn't mean you can't, doesn't mean you shouldn't try. We have the same onus, to explain to them as they have to explain to us.



Hodor
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01 Aug 2010, 5:32 pm

Sometimes I interrupt because otherwise I cannot get a word in edgeways in a conversation. it's an inherent problem with timing, and knowing when it's your turn - or when you have an opportunity - to speak. I wasn't aware how much I interrupted people until a 'friend' pointed it out to be a couple of months ago. :?


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WillMcC
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01 Aug 2010, 5:51 pm

I have the complete opposite problem, as I am frequently interrupted by others. This can be a problem, as when I am interrupted, I will immediately stop talking, and then lose my train of thought, which means I need to go back and try and remember what it was that I was trying to say.



Hodor
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01 Aug 2010, 6:05 pm

WillMcC wrote:
I have the complete opposite problem, as I am frequently interrupted by others. This can be a problem, as when I am interrupted, I will immediately stop talking, and then lose my train of thought, which means I need to go back and try and remember what it was that I was trying to say.


The two problems definitely aren't mutually exclusive, though. It's possible that someone with AS regularly gets interrupted by other people because their body language and tone of voice might indicate that they're about to finish speaking, even though they're nowhere near finishing. To overcompensate for being frequently interrupted, they might interrupt other people just so's they can get a word in edgeways.

That person I described in the above paragraph is me.

PS. I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes I completely forget what I was going to say before I was interrupted, which adds to the confusion...


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MrLoony
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01 Aug 2010, 6:09 pm

Whenever there'd be 3 or more people in a conversation, I used to never be able to say anything. When there's just another person and I, however, I always end up interrupting. At least once per conversation.

The people I know have grown used to this and accept it as one of the strange things about me. Well, most of them. I knew a guy who would get out his cane every time I would interrupt. Strangely enough, I think he's autistic as well.

Edit: As far as the 3 or more people thing... I rarely put myself in those situations these days, so I wouldn't know how I am now.


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Capper7
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01 Aug 2010, 11:10 pm

While there's often something that I want to say as part of a conversation, I'm normally the one who gets interrupted. It will happen that the other people go off in a different direction and I'm still looking to say something about what we were talking about before. My mind is very active in the conversation, but it doesn't look that way because I start to say something and then stop.



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29 Mar 2011, 7:45 pm

DonDud wrote:
And then, after the conversation has moved on, if I thought of something that I really wanted to say but managed to not interrupt, I'm debating to myself whether this thought I spent the time to work out in my head is worth mentioning after the moment has passed, or if I should just let it die.


I know a lot of social cues are highly subjective and vary from situation to situation, but this one isn't. Don't try to go back and shoehorn a point into a conversation that has ended. I have done this numerous times, and it NEVER works, and it always blows up in your face. Even if you are 100% right, and they are 110% wrong, you will be the one to come off looking stupid, trust me on this.
I don't mean to lecture you or anything (and I hope this doesn't come across as such), but what few social skills I possess I have come by at great personal cost, and I feel it would be wrong for me not to share them with other Aspies.