How to deal with lonliness

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The thing is I want someone to talk to and I always wanted to prove the bullies wrong in high school (and some adults) who told me I would never get married. In fact, I considered suicide back in high school but thought things would get better. Now as I take a look back over 20 years later, I know I should have committed suicide back then. My life wasn't going to get any better and even though I didn't want to be alone or an outcast, I will be one for the rest of my life. Nothing will change! Back then I didn't have the knowledge that I have a disease that simply cannot be fixed and my bullies were absolutely right and I was wrong to think my life would get better as I made several attempts to develop social skills. Back then I had the guts to carry out such a plan but these days I think too much of my parents and what they will go through. It's hard, I have nobody to talk to and simply cannot enjoy anything that I use to enjoy. Basically my life is over but I'm still alive for several more years. Other people have friends to talk or a supportive wife, unfortunately I have nobody. My parents don't know anything about Aspergers and when I do talk to them they always discount what I have to say because they don't buy the fact I was bullied in high school to the point I claim. My life has always been one big hellhole and there really isn't a way to dull the pain I am going through. Even going to a grocery store when I hear love songs, especially ones I listened to in high school makes me depressed. I just can't take this pain anymore! In Utah there isn't any support groups for Adults with Aspergers so I am facing this alone other than weekly talks with a psychologist who diagnosed me but I don't think understands what I am truly going through. I just wish Aspergers was a disease you can die from such as cancer.

Aw, I'm sorry to hear you feel so lonely. I think you'll have better chance if you relax your ideals a bit. I don't mean to depress you, but having a partner and being married isn't all dreams come true, and has the potential of creating more problems than solving them. You must know that divorce rate for average people is like 50%? I heard for aspies it's about 80%. Many people who went through that anguish wished they never married in the first place. Try something small first, like casual friendship and hang out with some other people who don't fit in for various reasons. To date all my friends are "different" in some ways, a couple of them are aspies (and they are divorced). I think it's just easier to relate to each other. There are many lonely women and men out there, if you don't scare them off by your eagerness for long-term relationship, sex or commitment, they might be willing to listen and accept your friendship. You can work from there and see if you want a closer relationship. Trying to prove your bullies wrong is not a good reason to get married. Step back a bit and relax. Figure out what you really need and set up a plan to work towards it. Don't be blinded by feeling of despair. Good luck!