Trouble Handling Constructive Criticism

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At first I tend to take "constructive criticism" a little too personally and also tend to believe that the people who are offering me their criticism are getting more satisfaction out of their telling me about my imperfections than I am hearing about them. But after a time I usually can begin to see, appreciate, and accept where they're coming from.

I am fine with it just as long as people are nice about it. If someone decided to comment on my work and said something like "What a piece of s**t" I wouldn't like it but I would figure it's maybe a troll and he maybe likes looking for work to flame and wanted to see my reaction. I don't let negative comments get to me too much. I just move on and ignore it. I also try and not respond to those comments or else I had just given them what they wanted.

I can take constructive criticism, but it does have to be constructive. Criticism or negative comments for no reason just annoy.

'Constructive Criticism' is an oxymoron. You cannot build something up by tearing it down. 'Constructive criticism' is just another way of saying 'You're weak and you suck but you can't get upset with me for telling you so, because I'm pretending to mean well by telling you you're a schmuck.'

Even if the critic does have the best of intentions it only shows weak communication skills on their part to resort to bashing something in an attempt to improve it.

Positive suggestion is the appropriate alternative.

That's not the kind of thing I mean when I say constructive criticism--it's not meant to tear down but to offer advice for improvement. Here's an example of something which I'd consider "constructive criticism" (the short story reviewed doesn't actually exist; this is just an example):

"Your story has a great deal of potential, but I think it still needs some work. It starts out with very good pacing; but then you seem to get a little lost in the details. I think some of the extra scenes with Kathy and her daughter could be cut without losing the plot, or else summarized later on (maybe insert the important bits into her conversation with Gerald?). You also have a tendency to use very long, complex sentences, which can be a little confusing to the reader. Breaking some of those up might make the story flow better. I really liked that last paragraph, though; you've got a way of implying what's happening and letting the reader picture it without hitting him over the head with the details. I wouldn't touch the ending at all; it's really the last third or so that needs a bit of editing."

That's the kind of thing I'm talking about when I say "constructive criticism".

Unsolicited? If so, whether it ends up being constructive has yet to be known.

I remember once being told I am not good at taking criticism, and my immediate response was 'Oh yes I am!' - thus proving their point!

However, I actually do really value constructive criticism, and I actively seek for it. And although I do sometimes react badly initially, I make myself listen to it, and to ask questions about how I can improve. For me, it very much depends on who's giving the criticism, the situation in which it's being given, and what their motivation is. I have a good friend who has given me constructive criticism which I've really appreciated and taken very well, but she put a lot of effort into forming a friendship with me and doing all kinds of positive things, and she said lots of positive things about me before ever bringing up a criticism. And when she brought up criticisms, it was in a friendly, quiet way when we were alone together in a restaurant or coffee shop, relaxed and happy - and she would always bring it up in relation to something I'd said, rather than out of the blue.

'Constructive criticism' still suggests an ideal or goal that is being set by the critic. I have a hard time with any criticism unless I specifically ask for it, and I will not ask for it unless I value the opinion of the person I ask with relation to the specific subject I require their thoughts on.

I often have a problem when asked for my own opinion or criticism. I have learned that people tend not to respond well to blunt honesty, yet it is almost impossible for me to respond to a direct question about my opinions without being bluntly honest.

Learning how to tell 'white lies' consistently is high on my to-do list.

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Assorted ideas

A book by Dale Carnegie, How To Win Friends And Influence People, explains how common criticism is in society (it's everywhere) and ways to handle it.

Regarding art, that's a big field.

The following art instructor gives classes where there is a rule no one can comment about any art done at the studio at all by anyone.

They cannot say they like the art or dislike the art or are neutral toward it.

http://creativejuicesarts.com/

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Simple drawings - simple stories

http://www.schulzmuseum.org/

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Enjoy.

I've always seen any kind of criticism as a personal attack on me, even if it's a piece of advice that could benefit me. All criticism does is remind me that I'm not a normal human being...in my mind, that means being perfect.

But since no human being is perfect, that pretty much spells out that I'm miserable all the time, eh?

I used to have a hard time with criticism or perceived criticism (and, let's face it, I think we tend to see ourselves through a very self-critical lens, and assume others do as well). I find that I have to prepare myself for constructive criticism (tell myself it is beneficial, prepare myself for the sting of the feedback), that I have to respect the person offering the feedback, that they must offer the feedback because I requested it (part of the preparation process) and that I have to trust that they do not, indeed, have an axe to grind or personal ego issue to resolve through criticism of me. When this list happens, I can be quite good at accepting the feedback as constructive. Put one thing out of whack, though, and things can get ugly.

Yes, I have a problem with criticism, and react badly. I get prickly, defensive and obstinate. But I do think it through later, when I stop being huffy. Very little criticism is constructive, and rarely addresses whatever the real problem is or offers solutions.

I don't have a problem with opinion, but criticism has an expectation that you should change to meet someone else's requirements, rather than just being a point of view, or offering suggestions which you can accept or reject.

I appreciate constructive comments, given and received, but useful supportive advice is hard to come by. Criticism implies that what is already done is wrong, constructive advice accepts and offers new thinking upon what is already done, or planned.


I joined an art class precisely because I wanted to learn new ideas and techniques, and to get advice on how to improve, only to find that no comment of any kind was made, even when I asked. I couldn't see what I was paying for. I can draw on my own, and prefer not to have the company of a dozen people humming, scratching and whistling, while I do so.

I know exactly what you mean.

A well-meaning person starts a sentence with "Why don't you try..." and I immediately become defensive or aloof.

I couldn't agree more. To me, constructive criticism is the most useful form of communication. I find flattery and praise very difficult, because I don't know what to do with it. It goes nowhere. You're supposed to return one of those equally meaningless socially expected responses, too, like "thankyou, that's so nice of you."
With constructive criticism, there is meat in it, so to speak. If there is a problem, such a response may aid finding a solution - identifying problem areas and seeking to rectify them. It's a point to work forward from.
I'll only accept it though based on my assessment of if the critic is qualified to give that advice. Take a pistol coach - if he tells me I'm snatching the trigger and that's why my shots are tending left and that's why I'm missing the target, then I accept that he knows more about shooting than I do, and his advice could aid my marksmanship. If he were to simply pad my ego and tell me I'm doing everything right, I'd continue to be a poor shot. I also find either keeping silent about a problem or praising someone where it isn't due to be a form of deception.

I really don't like being criticised about what I like doing, but I find it hard to tell someone not to criticise in a polite way.

My uncle is someone who would really criticise you. He is one of those people who think once you're 18 years old, you are able to do everything and anything, no matter what the circumstances are. I am 21, but I suffer with a lot of anxiety and I struggle with certain things, and I need support and encouragement, and sometimes a little push. But my uncle just sits back and thinks that ''I don't need my parents any more to help me with anything, I am a fully-grown adult, I am capable of everything, end of story.'' And I think those words are harsh on me. Sure I like encouragement, but I prefer it in an understanding, helpful way - not a criticising way. There is a difference between helping someone and lecturing someone.

It may sound horrible, but I try to avoid my uncle nowadays, and it makes me feel so guilty that I could cry. When I was very little (about 3), I used to think he was the most perfect person in the world, and I was so fond with him. I still love him now, but I seem to have developed this kind of phobia about being judged or criticised, and now I just can't be in his company for too long, especially when he's in one of those moods where he criticises. He even says things like, ''oh you should go abroad on your own,'' and starts lecturing and having an answer for everything I say. And he knows that going on holiday abroad on your own isn't really ideal for someone with zero confidence. Well, not many people I know would want to be on holiday on their own anyway.

I know that having AS encourages criticism, since everything I like doing is ''wrong'', or everything I want to do involves confidence, in which I lack and always will lack. I really badly want to go clubbing, but in another way I don't, because of my lack of confidence (oh, and friends).