Ugh... Relationships

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Maybe it would be interesting to interrogate the source of the advice - just by saying "sure, but how exactly do I go about that?" might bring something out. If they're stuck, then they might stop being so glib in future. If they're not stuck, they might be able to tell you a bit more detail. Just telling somebody you like them seems like it should be easy, but you need to have feelers out to find a good time to say it.

In my case I couldn't do that for decades, but I think the problem was that I was in the habit of hiding such ideas, in fact I was barely aware of such feelings......I'd just get crushes which were full of longing and suffering, and I never felt safe enough to reveal them (probably quite wise!). There was never that middle ground where I felt I just liked somebody and I couldn't idly reveal my liking as if it wouldn't matter awfully. It mattered more than anything else in my life. It took ages for me to get to the point where I could convey that kind of compliment lightly, and it was often just an act when I began. I had to play down the weight of my feelings so as not to scare them off....later on, after I'd had more experience, I found the crushes stopped happening. I still don't tell people often enough that I like them, but the idea of doing that feels more worthy than scary...I've accepted it as a positive thing, I actually feel pride when I say it, and I'm ready for whatever happens as a result of saying it.

That's probably not much like your own experiences....but maybe it does show how complicated the "how to" can be, and how long it can take, and why I wouldn't have stood a chance of acting on such advice. Sometimes a person is just not ready yet.

Great. Hope you don't focus too much on whether or not you're good enough for him. If you do, you might forget to check out whether or not he's good enough for you. But if he's taking the idea of shared interests seriously, he can't be all bad.

Something I find really difficult is asking questions. I don't know why, but often the course of conversations take me by surprise and I don't seem to have control over the direction of the conversation, especially if it's about something I feel uncomfortable talking about like how much I like someone. I just would never think to ask for help or more info. This means I don't often even understand what I'm being told. Like my sister told me that our friends had been teasing this guy about me. Not sure what that meant. Not sure if they were teasing him because he liked me or teasing him because I liked him. I never thought to ask. It was only later on that the question came to mind.

My problem is once I have been honest and told the guy I like him, I'm not sure what to do after that. I've been on my own a long time now and i am used to it. Including someone else in my life now seems extremely unreal and hard to imagine. I'm not sure I know what to do or how to behave as a girlfriend. I feel like I've hit a dead end.

That's what I'm thinking. If anything, I'll have another friend at least and you can never have too many of those.

Yeah, I don't get it either. It's like you are some lesser person if you're not. I have never been in a relationship in my life and I can't even imagine it. The people I know tell me I'm cute and funny and nice etc. and I'm like wasting myself for not being able to share that with someone Huh? How is it a waste?

I'm still poor at asking questions, though it baffles me as to why. I'm sure I need to know about the people I'm dealing with, but it just doesn't occur to me to ask much. Even the obvious "how about you?" after answering a question about myself, still feels strange. It definitely helps if I'm feeling relaxed with the company. And just appreciating the importance of questions has led me to apply that sometimes - when I've got time to prepare I might ponder about the people I'm going to meet, and see if any questions occure while I'm in the safety of my home. It takes time but it's all in there. I had a good question session when I was at a music club - there was an "ethos" of everybody being quiet during the songs, so I realised I could use that time to dream up my next question, which I'd ask just after the song was ended. And if I become curious about something, it's sometimes hard not to ask about it.

I suppose if the guy doesn't respond to your saying that you like him, then the only thing you could do would be to be even more explicit and say that you like the idea of a relationship but have reservations about how it would pan out after so long alone. But if he doesn't throw you something, I don't see there's much you can do once you've spelled out how you feel. How to behave as a girlfriend is I guess mostly about what he might want and what you're happy to give. I think everybody has their own ideas about what they want from a relationship.

I am sick to death of being told by my mother and sister to get out there and get a girlfriend, if I wanted one so badly. I had to explain to them that being AS, my body chemistry was missing an important substance that showed the opposite sex that I am even interested in being with them. As I explained to them, they looked at me like I was stupid. Well, thats because I am superior then they are, my AS makes me a superhuman and these pathetic NT's are just so finished as a species!

I'm nervous with the whole meeting anyone for anything. I don't even like social situations even if I know everyone. People in general exhaust me. The meet and greet type events bore me and the stress getting ready is unbearable. If I have an appointment, any appointment I think about it all week long. It is there on the 'schedule' and although the schedule is empty I can't stop thinking about it is coming up. I have to extra want to do something to even go. I start thinking and planning what to wear about a week before and all my clothes are basically the same. I plan when to start getting ready because if I don't then time gets away. It is too annoying for anyone close to me to take me with very often. They have to start reminding me the morning of, down to what I have planned and when I need to start getting ready. If I don't plan I could be in the middle of something, probably getting dirty doing some project, and I won't be ready. All my 'intimate' relationships the person has pushed it, refusing to be ignored. I don't think I'd have any EXs if it was up to me.

best to just not plan and if it is supposed to happen it will