"Look for the Best in People"- very dangerous ment

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Shadwell
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07 Sep 2010, 10:32 am

I honestly try to like people, but sometimes they make it very hard. I'm not exactly a peach to be around either.



primaloath
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07 Sep 2010, 10:42 am

Being nice isn't about wanting yourself to develop in a certain way, it's about wanting other things / people to develop in that certain way.

I also agree that one should judge people accurately. If one sees evil, they are evil. Simple as that.



anbuend
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07 Sep 2010, 2:44 pm

b9 wrote:
sometimes when i hear "hero's" recount their deeds, they start to get choked up as they say things like "well i saw that i could have lost my life but i...i...ya know? i just couldn't errr...excuse me....i just couldn't give up on em ya know?". it seems like they are getting choked with pride and self admiration thinking of their heroic effort sometimes. if the victim is now safe and the emergency is over, then what is the reason they have to choke off tears?


Er... because they are reliving the thought of the other person possibly dying? That'd be enough to choke most people up.

Really the urge to rescue others is likely an instinct that exists because humans are a social species and need each other to survive. We're programmed to help each other, and even though some of us also happen to hurt each other, it doesn't mean that this programming (to help each other) is just based on some sort of complex selfish desire for recognition. I mean sure, some people do that, but really an instinct because of being a social species is a much simpler explanation for why someone would risk themselves to save others.

Some people really do have a desire to do what is right, just because it is right, not because of some kind of convoluted psychological reason for personal gain, nor because of being a "do-gooder" who feels all fuzzy inside with self-congratulation. And sometimes when you're just sitting there trying to do the right thing, people notice you, and you can't change that, so you try to use their notice to do more of the right thing. But then people think that you were noticed because you want to be noticed. (And yeah, I know this from personal experience, so I'm quite aware of my motivations, better than anyone else is aware of them.) Most people like this, whether we get noticed or not, would rather not be noticed unless we have to be. Because when people notice you they project all kinds of images onto you that aren't real, and that creates more problems than it solves. And it also brings you to the attention of people who very much do not want you to do the right thing, and will do a whole lot of nasty stuff to try and stop you. There are people all the time trying their hardest to do the right thing, just because it's right, and you won't even notice because most of them aren't recognized by others as doing so.


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ladyrain
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07 Sep 2010, 7:07 pm

TheDoctor82 wrote:
Society preaches that overall most people are basically good, decent people.

Mysty wrote:
Others of us, though, are plenty good at seeing the good in others, and what we more need is a warning to be more skeptical.

Yes. I think that is what is wrong with the mythology. Society might preach what it would like to be, but a myth that everyone is good and decent only protects those who are the least good and the least decent.

A society which looks for the best in itself, recognises flaws and weaknesses, and protects its innocent.



MrXxx
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08 Sep 2010, 12:06 am

I'm really not seeing the difficulty with seeing or assuming the best of people. It's not about whether or not there is good in them. It's about assuming the best being the right thing to do to begin with. Assuming the worst before you know a person starts everything off on the wrong foot, which is bad for me, and that's why I assume the best instead. But there is also a great truth:

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Or, in the words of Chief Gillespie:

"A man is a fool to pat the dog that once bit him."

Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt from me right off the bat, just because it's right. Period.

Family and close friends get three strikes. Everyone else is gone after the first, unless I'm feeling mighty generous.


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hale_bopp
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08 Sep 2010, 12:18 am

I would rather look for the worst in people.



MrXxx
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08 Sep 2010, 12:30 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I would rather look for the worst in people.


The problem with doing that is that the worst is what you will tend to see, and you're far more likely to miss the good that might be there. Every single person on earth has bad qualities. Nobody is perfect. If you look for the good, will you be disappointed? Of course! But you will also find what good there is. If you begin every relationship assuming the worst, that's probably what you will get, and you have no one but yourself to blame for that.

If you assume the best first, you are more likely to see the best, and you and the person you see it in are equally responsible for that.

If you assume the best, and get the worst, it isn't your fault at all. I refuse to accept responsibility for the evil in others when I've given them every opportunity to show me their good side by assuming there is one.

I've lived with this philosophy now for many years, and tough I've been taken advantage of on occasion, never more than once by any one person. I've also received a great deal of good in return, that I may never have seen if I hadn't been looking for it.


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auntblabby
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08 Sep 2010, 12:44 am

LabPet wrote:
I wish there was a way to gauge their mood (?). If only NTs all came equipped with mood rings...dang.


plain ol' mind reading would be better.



auntblabby
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08 Sep 2010, 12:47 am

anbuend wrote:
Most people like this, whether we get noticed or not, would rather not be noticed unless we have to be. Because when people notice you they project all kinds of images onto you that aren't real, and that creates more problems than it solves. And it also brings you to the attention of people who very much do not want you to do the right thing, and will do a whole lot of nasty stuff to try and stop you. There are people all the time trying their hardest to do the right thing, just because it's right, and you won't even notice because most of them aren't recognized by others as doing so.


:idea: QFT.
this is solid gold wisdom.



auntblabby
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08 Sep 2010, 1:00 am

b9 wrote:
it is possible that mother teresa's motive was purely to obtain gratitude. maybe she had an addiction to being thanked and lauded and knew how to achieve it in a very convincing way. maybe she did have true concern for the people she helped. i would not ever be able to know for sure. some may say "well she went without and placed herself in hardship, so that proves she was selfless". but miners for example go without their families and work in unbearable conditions for most of the year to get money. they want the money than they want the luxuries. maybe she was the same with gratitude.


there is the kernel of a theory there. all sentient beings work towards some kind of reward, whether it is at the base of maslow's hierarchical pyramid in terms of food or sex or security, or higher up the pyramid in terms of self-actualization and eventual ultimate transcendance of this world's rewards to the next world. the miners per se would seem to be closer to the former category while Mother Teresa would be closer to the latter category. Mother Teresa graciously accepted plaudits, but otherwise she wasn't really interested in mere human esteem but in GOD's own gratitude, and for that she suffered dark nights of the soul and worked herself to the bone. it is these sorts of people widely perceived to be lacking in earthly reward, that the rest of humanity terms "selfless."



jman
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08 Sep 2010, 6:20 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I would rather look for the worst in people.


why?



auntblabby
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09 Sep 2010, 12:27 am

jman wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I would rather look for the worst in people.


why?


expect the worst, then when one is confronted with something better, it will just be a pleasant surprise.