Wondering what women with autism think of this.

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14 Sep 2010, 5:23 pm

Wow... That sounds like a seriously bad relationship. I'm glad you are out of it now. Can only hope she'll gain maturity eventually.

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primaloath
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14 Sep 2010, 5:25 pm

Callista, I am grateful for your reply, but I was wondering why people with autism chose to engage in ridicule (i.e. the bouncing lol graphics you skipped), and whether their behaviour had to do with the "intensity" of their autism.

Having read your blog, I can't quite picture you ridiculing people, for instance. If so, there must be some reason why you don't, whereas other people do.

As regards abuse, I know there are women's domestic abuse shelters in quite a few cities in the UK. That said, to my knowledge, abusers attempt to socially isolate their victims.

hyperlexian
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14 Sep 2010, 5:31 pm

bee33 wrote:

I agree with Lene that opinions need to be presented without making broad accusations. Anytime you say "women are this" or "women are responsible for that" you will get negative responses because you are making unfair generalizations. In point of fact all women are not "this" or "that" or whatever your gripe may be.

Having said that, I find the post with the giant laughing faces in response to your comments rather offensive. You do make some valid points in the post that is quoted, even though you derail yourself by making broad generalizations that can be seen as offensive. When you say "There are good reasons to blame certain problems on women when the causes of these problems relate to behaviours characteristic of women rather than men," I can't in good conscience come to your defense.

But when you say "I will illustrate an example in which predominantly women, rather than men, cause problems to men: the loss of one's children, property and income following malicious no-fault divorce," I completely agree with you and I find that to be tragic, because it happens a lot. My ex-boyfriend lost seven years of almost no contact with his son after his divorce because his ex wife wanted it that way and the courts just shrugged.

I also think that we should be supportive of the particular problems that men with AS face when trying to form a relationship, but it needs to be done without implying that AS women have it easy, though some may have it easier than some men in that particular arena.

Personally, I feel for all the lonely people here on WP, both men and women, and I would like the discussion on the topic to be more supportive and less divisive.

on average, men walk away from divorce with significantly higher income than women, even after accounting for alimony and child support. the idea that women come out ahead is a myth in most cases. one source of this information:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/ ... n-research

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bee33
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14 Sep 2010, 6:28 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

I should have specified that the part I agree with primaloath on is the loss of contact with their children. I've seen feminist blogs where people actually laughed at this with glee, like they were pleased that men were getting shut out from their families. And it's something I've seen first hand so I am sensitive to it. (The income part I don't know anything about, so thanks for the link.)

primaloath wrote:

what made me wonder is that people with autism have been making such replies in the first place. I cannot see why autistics would gang together to ridicule someone using non-verbal comments, as I assume this goes against the nature of autism. I myself am incapable of ridicule,

I don't understand this either. I was quite surprised at this behavior, which is common in internet forums, but I that didn't expect here. I agree with you that this does not seem like something that people with AS would engage in.

primaloath wrote:

One thing I don't understand is why people become offended when I mention bad character traits that women generally have.

This is where you get in trouble, What you are saying about women in general is both offensive and in point of fact untrue. That's the reason for the bad reactions.

MotherKnowsBest
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14 Sep 2010, 6:34 pm

bee33 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

And yet the country with the strongest feminism movement on the planet has children who spend equal amounts of time with both parents.

hyperlexian
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14 Sep 2010, 6:38 pm

MotherKnowsBest wrote:

bee33 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

And yet the country with the strongest feminism movement on the planet has children who spend equal amounts of time with both parents.

yes. women's rights and men's rights seem to go well together.

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Peko
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14 Sep 2010, 6:54 pm

I think both aspie/autie men & women are vulnerable emotionally. But the main difference I see is females are more likely to deal with sexual harassment issues b/c they are female & I'm pretty sure most predators/harrassers predominately pick female victims. If men and women were generally viewed as equals (cut out sexual components when viewing someone that is) this would be much easier to determine & help cut out biases.

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primaloath
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14 Sep 2010, 7:06 pm

Bee33, thanks. I'll try to meet up with some autistic people in real life and see whether they're good-natured.

As a side note, I briefly looked at the description of INFPs, which seems to describe what I have alawys thought "my people" were like. Intriguingly, the male:female ratio of INFPs is 1:3. I think I'll delay further comments while I read more about this.

menintights
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14 Sep 2010, 7:09 pm

Surfman wrote:

She had major issues, but because she was 20 years younger and attractive I put up with her sh**.

Even if your ex was as terrible as you think she was, this sentence makes it really hard for me to sympathize with you.

(I had to said that, yes.)

bee33
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14 Sep 2010, 7:25 pm

MotherKnowsBest wrote:

And yet the country with the strongest feminism movement on the planet has children who spend equal amounts of time with both parents.

That's very interesting. What country are you referring to?

I also want to point out that I don't blame women in general and certainly not feminists for the inequity in male/female contact with children after a divorce. I blame the court system and the individual women who take advantage of that system and intentionally shut out their ex husbands..

hyperlexian
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14 Sep 2010, 7:31 pm

bee33 wrote:

MotherKnowsBest wrote:

And yet the country with the strongest feminism movement on the planet has children who spend equal amounts of time with both parents.

yes, that is not acceptable, and equally not acceptable for the men who choose not to be involved in their children's lives. both men and women can be horrible after a divorce, and in those cases the children often suffer.

i was guessing the country was iceland, sweden or norway.

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Mr_Sensitive
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14 Sep 2010, 8:13 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

i don't understand the tendency of some members to try to undiagnose other members based on their disagreements on an online forum. even accusing someone else of being less intensely autistic is not fair to them.

perhaps women band together against you because you insult masses of people from said group?

This is something I find particularly annoying, although it's never happened to me. Who is anyone on this forum to judge anyone else's conditions? I wasn't aware we were all magical internet doctors. On a related note, 'accusing someone else of being less intensely autistic' as if it were some badge of honor to have AS or be autistic. I wish with all my heart that I was the kind of guy that could go out with people to bars and things and socialize or whatever it is that regular people do. I can't do that and I feel it makes me miss out on a lot of good things in life. I feel glad for somebody who's 'less intensely autistic'

hyperlexian
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14 Sep 2010, 8:35 pm

Mr_Sensitive wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

maybe 'accusing' was the wrong word. how about 'painting', 'assuming', 'concluding'?

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XFilesGeek
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14 Sep 2010, 9:32 pm

Mr_Sensitive wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

I don't understand why certain people post offensive things in a public forum and then whine, cry, and hide behind their autism diagnosis when they're criticized.

If you're going to make broad negative generalizations about a group of people, you can expect to be mocked. More than that, you deserve to be mocked. I have no "compassion" for illogical, mean-spirited people who use the internet as a soapbox from which to anonymously spew venom, which includes the current infestation of males on WP who use this website primarily as a means to yell at women for imaginary insults. Seriously, people need to take responsibility for the crap they post.

Asking, "Why do black people use crack and refuse to get jobs?" is going to garner negative replies. Blubbering a bunch of nonsense like, "Aw shucks, guys! I thought autistics were suppossed to be ultra-compassionate and never criticize anyone!" doesn't cut it. That's just being cowardly. If you want to take a dump in the middle of the pool, you can expect other people to be less than pleased.

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bee33
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14 Sep 2010, 9:38 pm

I'm wondering if a lot of this has to do with autistic people not always realizing when they're crossing the line and being insulting? I know that's happened to me with other issues on other forums. I thought I was just stating a fact, when I was actually inadvertently pissing all over someone.

Meadow
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14 Sep 2010, 9:45 pm

heh-heh

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