Does putting on a ''NT front'' in public cause tiredness?

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I wouldnt know, because I dont try and act normal. i just behave weirdly wherever I go. What exhausts me is coordinating the physical tasks in my day, and working, if it is not something creative like writing or art and involves organising maintenance and physical work, it is exhausting.

Strangely I have discovered that I find loading firewood on a crate to be far more comfortable than say weeding or cooking, it is because it is an activity with far fewer steps.

I do okay, until the moment I'm required to speak and at that point everything falls apart pretty quickly, most of the time. I tend to want to avoid this and try to keep my distance so I don't have to cope with it. Altogether it is very distressing. Coupled with sensory overload, I can only cope or maintain for short periods. Being socially inept has a way of wearing down one's self esteem. It's all bad.

aww I hear you

I can speak about 5 min before I have to start thinking about what I'm saying. Out in the world I am faking it all the time. Walking around a store (my only real contact with the world) I try to not make any eye contact so I can avoid even a smile or head nod. When it is unavoidable I have to consciously say to my brain; smile, or say excuse me. Strange kids extra bug me, especially when they are bold and say Hi, and then a couple more Hi Hi. I wanna say get the f**k away from me kid, freakish little alien being. They are kind of like pets that talk to me. If I had my way, acted like I want to act, I'd wear a hoodie pulled around my face and not speak or acknowledge anyone and jump up and run away if someone touched me. Every other way I am in the world I'm acting. Prolonged contact in a social setting is torture for me and takes days, weeks to get over. Most people just think I can't be bothered and don't know the torture.

I used to be downright horrible at this. I couldn't even take half an hour interacting with someone to be burnt out, as I got so anxious that I was coming across as weird, even at times when my social skills are fine. Today, I can go for a few days or a weekend being with people (as long as there's a period where we are zoning out/watching tv/sleeping). There were some rare exceptions to this though: my ex and I were so comfortable with each other that we could talk for hours and hours, and we'd often talk as we were in bed until one of us passed out! After 2 days though, I've had it, and need time to zone out.

Thanks all your comments, often I read the forums and can relate, but this time I really was able to use the knowing that I'm not the only one like this. If only important people in my life could see, I'm not trying to be mean, interacting does take more for us. Really wears me down more than physically. Even if Im fake smiling enough, well, before my face muscles would be so tired and feel wierd. No longer playing the game, I'll be compliant and robotic. Stressed, I meltdown mid convo when its unexpected.

I am quite skilled at putting up an NT front but it exhausts me pretty quickly. I can manage it for hours though, especially if I can have some minutes to myself per every hour I need to spend in social interaction (I might even make unnecessary detours to the bathroom to get some private time). Pretending to be NT can make me overexcitable though, when I finally get out of public's attention I can't unwind and may get very irritable or tearful.
And I do have agoraphobia, at some time it did really interfere with my functioning but now I can manage it pretty well (that is, I am quite able to keep panic in check).

Sometimes it gets to be a drag. But one must live in the presence of others so we carry the burden.

ruveyn

I can relate to this as well. I think there's a schizoid element going here – I put on a show in public to avoid looking too aspie. It's hard work, and often gives me a stress headache. It's different when I'm interacting with other aspies – I find I can be more myself and not have to put on a performance. This is far less stressful.

One thing I've found is if I do give a good “performance”, I get a buzz out of it afterwards. It's like I'm thinking “I've just done something difficult, and made a good job of it” - a bit like passing an exam or driving test.

Yes. Putting on an NT front makes me extremely tired.

Not quiet on the NT Front topic

Perhaps this is why I have been erroneously labelled "schizophrenic."

I do rehearse my NT lines, and I pull it off well.

+10 It's like playing a giant game--successfully.

Who needs "reality shows" when real life offers all the drama we'll ever want/need (and then some)?

What tires me out more is not what I say, but what I do. I'm on the shy side, but I don't hink my verbal skills do too badly. It's more so my coping skills of events around me. I try and try to act as normal as I can without any unpleasent reactions to any noise, and it tires me out keeping panic stations at bay. It's because I've got a lot of anger and jealousy inside me, and when there's some kid near me, or some loud engine, or any other irritating racket, it drives me insane and seems to press the ''Frustration'' button in me, and so I have to use all the strength inside me to stop it. It works, but it tires me out afterwards. So when I'm at the charity shop, instead of telling all customers to piss off away from me (which I desire to), I just have to act normal and friendly and ''behave'' near them.

I haven't lashed out in public before, and I don't ever want to. As long as I get enough rest from people, there shouldn't be a problem with it.

Beyond tired, it makes my body hurt physically.

Joe90: I can identify! I was at the grocery yesterday and every aisle had squeaky, screaming babies. By the time I left, my shoulders hurt from all the times I involuntarily cringed at the sudden air-siren blast of a child next to me setting off into a wail. Someone else might not really notice all the screaming babies, I don't know. But I felt like I'd been dropped into the nursery ward of a hospital! Any other situation, I would have just walked out, but when you need to put food in your house and there's only one place to get it from . . .

At least I made it out of there okay. I've actually been verbally attacked by parents before, just for cringing or putting my hands over my ears when their baby started screaming. Not saying a word to them or the baby. Not even *looking* at them or the baby. And I get attacked because I can't hide how much the screaming hurts me. My pain triggers some kind of defensive, attacking reaction in some kinds of parents, apparently. After reflecting on it, I decided it must be guilt -- the parents who can't stand the screaming and are sitting around wishing they hadn't become parents and then they see the screaming hurting someone else and think, "how dare you make visible signs of pain? *I'm* the one who has to live with this. Let me give you a piece of my mind!" That's the only logical or semi-logical reason I can think of why my instinctual cringing would offend someone that much.

Also in the "what I do, not what I say" category of things that exhaust me: walking around where there are other people. I never know where to put my eyes when there are so many people because I don't want to look at them. Sometimes I can get away with looking at the trees or the squirrels or my feet but I have to move my eyes around a little bit to remain safe in public so I'm not hit by a bicycle or wheelchair or attacked by some general nutcase (it can happen) and so sometimes when I'm scanning the area for safety my eyes accidentally brush across someone else's eyes. And sometimes someone is walking right into my path so I have to look at the to decide which of us is going to yield (if no one decides, it's invariably me, if only by instinct) and then someone will smile at me and because I have face-blindness and have absolutely no idea who they are or if I know them or not, I have to smile back just in case (I've *really* pissed people off before when, according tot hem, I gave them a "dirty look" -- which I asssume is my default look when I don't make a smile for them.)

And then there are the people who approach me. Every time I leave my house I have at least one conversation with someone who approache dme, knew my name, obviously knows me, and I have no bloody idea who they are. So I don't know what they expect from me and I just try to keep the conversation as light and neutral as possible while I'm racking my brain, trying to figure out who the hell I'm talking to. Just that alone is exhausting!

Sometimes. Most of the time I'm with my friends (who are considered misfits themselves) so I don't have to put a front up.

I have to put a front up just to *get* friends, misfits or otherwise.