Are Aspergians really rude and inconsiderate?

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I thought the article was good, even funny at times, and I relate to it very well. I think people can be holier than thou and judgmental sometimes, but when the shoe is on the other foot so to speak, they want any measure of allowance made for them.

Great article you put up Alex!! !! I tend to be rude. I've been called a "rude b***h" before by my mom just a few weeks ago.

I'm sometimes rude/inconsiderate, but not purposely.

I would hesitate to call us inconsiderate. I think a better way to phrase it would be 'disconnected.' Because we lack the ability to naturally understand most non-verbal communication, and the various issues regarding empathy towards others, it often creates a major communication barrier between us and NTs.

I also would be cautious in using the blindness comparison; our disability is not one that can be readily perceived by most people. And, just to add some irony to the conversation; (although I suspect most blind people themselves would take no objection) I am sure that there are quite a few hotheads out there who would take grave offense at your lack of empathy in comparing yourself to truly 'disabled' people.

I have a "real" disability. It's called Autism. And I do not lack empathy.

In some very real sense, yes. If you do not fit the stereotypical norm and express yourself in unemotional ways, there will always be misunderstandings on a social level. I have simply come to accept that I do not have alot of empathy for others, and live with it. At least if someone is rude back to me, it has much less of an impact on me than it does on a normal person.

I am definitely rude and have been since childhood. The fear of punishment, negative reactions, and rejection are what causes the social anxiety I have.

I care very much about being rude and wish that I was not, but I am not conscious of it until it is pointed out, and then I am mortified and the shame eats me up inside. I find it very hard to learn the parameters of rudeness, so I seem destined to go on repeating the same mistakes, which are all the worse because they then seem to be deliberate.

Before I was diagnosed with AS, I thought that I was extremely compassionate, empathetic and socially conscious. Since becoming aware that I do not perceive emotions clearly, and have a poor sense of my own emotions, I have become much more aware of the circumstances where I fail and far less rude.

Yes, I am rude and I am insensitive (I do not sense the emotions of others), but no, I am not inconsiderate because I try hard to consider and avoid rudeness.

Blind people are insensitive to light.

Aspies are "mind blind" in a certain sense.

ruveyn

I've spent a good part of my life observing people from a detached perspective and so now it's fairly easy for me to recognize what and when something should be said. However sometimes it's hard for me to disengage from that detached mode to appropriately respond in time. Also, if I stumbled and someone made a big drama about it I would feel embarrassed and creeped out. Ask me if I'm OK, If I am, lets continue, if I'm not, lets take care of it.

I'm just realising this, at times I'm aware of talking a lot at others, that is certainly rude.

some interesting responses. I would have to agree that it really depends on your culture and your peers or people you come into contact with. I am kinda lucky then that i live in scotland and most of my peers are friends who have known me for a while.

i think i am very good at reading people or atleast the negative non verbal cues. I tend to get ahead of myself and assume things are going bad when in reality negative body language is pretty common. From what i have read, to get a true sense of the persons attitude towards a situation you have to look at clusters of body language rather individual movements. even then they could be responding like such due to insecurities or whatever.

I too have real difficulty applying this though when i am actually involved. I can be here and now in the present and having fun or i can be analysing what is going on. There is very little in between.

What is a b***h?

ruveyn

i think that "rudeness" and "inconsideration" are in the mind of the beholder.

i do not ever intend to be rude or inconsiderate, but often i hear that i was rude or inconsiderate after the fact.

in my case, i am usually oblivious to the floor on which i walk, and when i am tapped on the shoulder and asked to turn around, i see that i was walking on eggshells and they were crushed under my feet.

i have a certain momentum in my progress through my dealings with everything i encounter in my life, and that includes people.

i can not suddenly sidestep and alter the direction in which i am headed, and there is often damage incurred because my path cuts a swathe through the delicate fronds of the groups of sensitive people in which i am forced to navigate.

it is like trying not to step on ants when you are forced to walk rapidly through a path infested by ants. i can not walk on my toenails, and so my heels and soles fall flat on the ground, but i am urged by external necessities to move at a certain speed through my day, and my mind is not fast enough to perceive delicate obstacles that may be damaged by my progress.

i am not as quick witted as a social ballerina, and i inevitably roll heavily over places where fragile sensitivities are resident, and i am accused of deliberately walking on the ants that i was not quick enough to see that were in my path.

i am not well in the head at the moment so i will leave it there.

I believe that we with Asperger's are often perceived as rude/arrogant/inconsiderate, etc. partially due to our strict adherence to our personal beliefs. For example, I can remember speaking endlessly about roller coasters to not only family, but to the students in my classroom (back when I was an English teacher). In my mind, I did not understand how others could not be amazed and fascinated by the things that fascinated me. How could they not be interested in what I found interesting?

After my official diagnosis of Asperger's and then receiving therapy for certain issues including empathy, I now am more considerate of other's feelings. Although my therapist tried to work with me in trying to feel what other's feel---I found it terribly difficult to do and have come to the understanding that people have their own views that may not be my views. But I still have a hard time understanding how a person cannot be amazed at the sights and sounds of a wicked roller coaster zooming high overhead.

Now...when it comes to religious, political, etc. beliefs...yes, we often strongly adhere to our beliefs and will fight for those beliefs if we feel we are being attacked (but are we really being attacked?). I will stand up for what I believe, but if I feel the other person is still trying to make a point against my belief, I try to give more explanation as to why I feel the way I do. Some people can perceive this as arrogance or being rude. But I feel for me, I just want people to understand that I believe in my belief---and I want you to know that belief.

I believe in respect, and I do try to be respectful. I try to state that a certain belief is my opinion (and that it may not be everyone's opinion). But if someone downs one of my beliefs with a comment like, "that's stupid/ or illogical," I will fight in as respectful a manner as I can until I am heard.

Let me explain how I was, and how I am now. In the past if I believed something was fascinating, I believed everyone else found it fascinating too. Today, if I believe something is fascinating, I understand others may not find it fascinating also, but I don't understand why you don't find it fascinating. But I do understand everyone has their own personal tastes for things.

Something I noticed about dialect. I'll hear someone say "Not meaning to be rude but...." Then the person says something that is insulting. Is that some strange way of getting out of trouble for being rude? If so, does it really work? It doesn't work on me when someone else tries to say it to me because I usually call the person out but maybe can try it. Everything I say for now on will start off with "Not trying to be rude but..." Even when saying hello.

Maybe it does! Sets people up for it, prepares the ground. If you tell someone you are going to insult them by using universal code for 'now I'm going to be insulting', perhaps it lessens the shock.

It would be more fun and honest if people instead said '"let me be rude for a minute..."