28 Sep 2010, 8:17 am
Horus wrote:
Invader wrote:
Horus wrote:
zeldapsychology wrote:
I saw my friends FB pics. with her/her boyfriend and think it sure does suck I've never had a boyfriend/kissed a guy/dated and I'm going on 25!! ! NT's make friends easily and have relationships easily. Sometimes I think what are the joys of Aspieness? The main ONE THING! IMO is my special interest of college. As an NT she might have a paper due next week and class ends next week IMO this is PREPOSTEROUS!! ! Sure my parents HATE my obsessive college behavior but I hope I can try to have this behavior still and maybe in the future move out etc. (as other WP members advice have been). Does anyone else feel bad in some way when viewing others FB posts or what have you? (I've made topics like this before so sorry) 
No.....the one and only "joys of Aspieness" (or schizoid/schizotypal personality disorder, NLD or whatever my neuropsychological problem is this month
) to me is my indifference to relationships, (romantic or otherwise) friends and socializing just for the sake of socializing in general. I realize not all people with AS/ASD's don't exhibit this indifference it appears you're one of them. Thus....I feel lucky in this respect and this one alone.If you were truly indifferent to having social or romantic relationships, it seems unlikely that you would view your disinterest in them as "lucky". In order to view that disinterest as "lucky" you would surely need to already have a sense of the loss which you claim not to experience, otherwise there would be nothing for that "disinterest" to save you from and you couldn't view it as lucky or positive.
I can't speak for other aspies but personally I do despise the pointlessness of much social interaction, mainly the parts involving "socializing for the sake of socializing", as you said, but that doesn't mean there are no desirable aspects of socializing, and I couldn't think of it as being true to say I'd better off without any of it. Certainly, when things go wrong I feel that way, but those are just bitter and resentful emotions which would wish to "cut off my nose to spite my face", and while these feelings may try to lie to me and convince me that no one is worth the trouble, and that I don't need any of them, really the only reason that those unpleasant feelings exist in the first place is because things didn't go the way I wanted them to. So, that resentment only actually exists because I do want to reap social benefits, and problems get in my way, and I get pissed off and want to "throw my toys out of my pram".
There'd be no need to see these social things in such a negative light, if they weren't hindrances to what we actually do want to do. So, pretending we don't want to do anything, just because things get in the way, and acting like we're so lucky to not want to do anything anyway, is pretty much just self-deceit.
Again, I can only speak for myself...
I view myself as lucky in this respect (and this alone mind you) because I see the suffering that lack of friends, romantic relationships, etc....causes many people. That would include many people on this forum. Quite a few contemplate suicide and claim they're doing so because they can't find a girlfriend or something. It's quite simple to me really, if one lacks desire for a given thing, one does not suffer from a lack of that thing.
Still...it is very plain to see how much others suffer because THEY desire this given thing when they cannot obtain it. A human being simply can't long for, and suffer because, they lack something they never really desired in the first place.
Aside from this....I suffer greatly for want of things I desire very much. Things that billions of other people in this world seem to take for granted. I do not feel like elaborating on these things as i've done so before in many of my posts on WP.
Half way through your post I began to think "but wait, if he hasn't experienced this suffering personally, how can he empathize with others who feel it?" Since I have found that people find it impossible to understand the pain of others without feeling it themselves.
But, then I saw that you do suffer want of other things, of course. Yet you have no intention of elaborating, hmm. I think I've read enough of your posts to have a fair idea what those things may be, I also know you have sought help from others in regard to these problems, and at times they have even doubted that these problems are real. I wonder if having fruitful social connections to others (who are more supportive and less dismissive of your problems) would actually help in those troubled areas of yours.
You talk of a problem with memory, yet you appear to be very capable when it comes to remembering how language works, and are very capable of remembering all of the complicated things which are required in order to put your thoughts into words so eloquently. I realize you have encountered people who disbelieve you can have such memory problems, while being so capable in language, and I'm not more prone to side with them rather than you, as I don't have all the details, but I find it puzzling, as no you no doubt find it yourself.
It makes me wonder, if you had a strong social connection with someone who was willing to teach you the skills which you can't remember, and they were willing to believe in your problems and still continue to work with you, trying to teach you a certain skill, day after day relentlessly going over the same techniques, if perhaps those rehearsed techniques may become more strongly embedded in your mind due to the same social connections which necessitate the ingraining of language into the mind.
It's a crackpot theory, sure, but I can't help wondering. I assume you have tried such things before though, with no results? Although, the difficulty in building such a strong social relationship beforehand may have made it impossible to try before, properly. Someone who only has as much patience with you as you can afford to pay for, isn't really the same thing. Hmm.
28 Sep 2010, 10:47 am
