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Dr_Horrible
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12 Oct 2010, 3:31 pm

No, seriously.

I'm quite good at "acting NT", mostly from studying how people behave and then develop mannerisms which are disarming. When I'm out in society, I tend to go into that mood by myself. It is less tirening today than before, and it is quite easy to tune in NT's and make them believe that they are relating to me. I think it has to do with my particular field of education, which is partially touching what people is taking an affection of. The only thing "strange" about my behaviour is my mannerisms, which are more fitting to a person twice my age, but that's a part of the charm of my personality, which I intentionally have kept intact since it actually has helped me in my interactions.



Erisad
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12 Oct 2010, 3:58 pm

Think before I talk. There are times where I have difficulty with this like when I'm having a meltdown or after I had a few drinks but most of the time I'm okay at this. I let everyone talk and only interject when I have something to say that I think they'd be interested in. :)



Dr_Horrible
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12 Oct 2010, 4:01 pm

A good tips: If you fail at something (except in the social life of course), smile warmly and tell people about it. That would be both a sign of good self-confidence and that you are a human being, and that would disarm them. *to everyone and no one in particular in general*



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12 Oct 2010, 4:10 pm

I at least attempt to make eye contact. I also talk to people once in a while, without being paranoid that they wont like me. I just act more laid back,



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12 Oct 2010, 5:31 pm

I try and keep everything at a level. I show I'm interested in them but I don't want to be too interested in them, and I don't want to drown them with a load of questions otherwise I sound too overpowering. I just try and keep limit it at a normal sort of level.
First of all though, I will explain my greetings to people. A few years ago people used to say to me, ''hello, how are you?'' and I used to just reply, ''fine'' without no attitude. Now when people greet me I have learnt to ''colour in'' my attitude a bit. When they say ''hello, how are you?'' I say, ''I'm fine thanks, you?'' or, ''not too bad thanks, you?'' It's always best to add the word ''you'' on the end, even though they don't reply to it. (Some people don't - I don't know why).

Secondly, when they tell me mundane things I give eye contact, then look relaxed, and just try to convert the ''small talk'' into a little conversation without waffling on too much. It's just nice to appear chatty - NTs will like that. So if someone said, ''ain't it warm today!'' I say, ''yer - it is rather muggy out there'' and they say, ''yeh it is'' or something. Or you could say, ''yes it's too warm, but I heard it's supposed to get cooler by the end of the week.'' Usually talking about the weather is easy - even if you don't really know what the weather's going to do. I usually just know, and if you make a mistake in small talk, it doesn't always matter. So if I said, ''I heard it might cool down by the week-end,'' even if I wasn't sure, they will just say, ''I hope so,'' then forget about it. The only time when they might worry about the weather more is if they are going to go on holiday in the next week - but then again, it's OK to get it wrong because nobody can predict the weather.

Bigger conversations are how people are responding to their life. For example, if someone I knew saw me in the street and said, ''oh I went for another job interview yesterday'' I just said, ''did you? Where was that then?'' and they would just say for example, ''oh it was in the newsagents,'' and I would say, ''how did it go?'' or ''did it go OK?'' Small questions like that mean a lot to NTs, and can build up a good conversation. So if you're a shy Aspie, just asking a few little general questions will still make up a good conversation. But also try to talk about yourself aswell. In the interview conversation, try to say, ''yer, I remember my last interview...'' and they will say, ''where was that?''or if they already know they might say, ''when was that?'' This applies to other conversations. Asking little questions like that can go a long way when it comes to NTs and conversations.

These are just examples of greetings, small talks, and conversations. I hope it's helped. :D


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Last edited by Joe90 on 12 Oct 2010, 5:42 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Mouldy
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12 Oct 2010, 5:33 pm

To seem more NT i act less aspie :P


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IdahoRose
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12 Oct 2010, 6:06 pm

Wow Dr. Horrible, I think it's great that you know so much about NT interactions! :D Could you please post some more tips? I myself am doing much better socially than I was in previous years, but learning social skills is a lifelong process, and every little bit of advice would help. Thank you!



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12 Oct 2010, 10:29 pm

I give off a very friendly, happy, positive attitude.
I smile excessively.
I use a lot of humor and do all of the joking around that NTs do, even if I don't see the point of it or understand why they find particular things funny.
I talk about things they are interested in and ask questions about things they like even if I'm not interested in them.
I always steer the conversation onto them unless I know them well.
I keep conversations very general unless I am with a close friend who I trust considerably. I do a lot of chatty small talk.
I have an open body posture instead of having my arms crossed.
The list goes from there.


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This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


PangeLingua
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12 Oct 2010, 11:02 pm

Joe90 wrote:
First of all though, I will explain my greetings to people. A few years ago people used to say to me, ''hello, how are you?'' and I used to just reply, ''fine'' without no attitude. Now when people greet me I have learnt to ''colour in'' my attitude a bit. When they say ''hello, how are you?'' I say, ''I'm fine thanks, you?'' or, ''not too bad thanks, you?'' It's always best to add the word ''you'' on the end, even though they don't reply to it. (Some people don't - I don't know why).


For some reason I find this so hard, remembering to ask people how they are! Maybe if I can train myself to tag it on at the end like that, it will become habitual ... all seems rather pointless, since no one really cares how you are anyway, and even if you really do care how the other person is and you ask them, they don't actually tell you how they are. Oh, well.



PangeLingua
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12 Oct 2010, 11:09 pm

Callista wrote:
I don't, really. The goal shouldn't be to act more NT; it should be to communicate effectively. So I focus on things like using words more precisely and efficiently, using tone-of-voice to substitute for punctuation, and reciprocity in conversation. Copying NT doesn't really work all that well; better to use my own style in a way that can be understood by an NT.


I didn't mean acting NT for its own sake, but as a means of communicating with NT's. I think compromise is good. On the one hand, I wouldn't want to behave unnaturally or lose my identity by copying others. On the other hand, growing up, I tried doing only what was natural to me - didn't work too well as far as having good relationships with people.

Maybe I worded my post poorly, but it appears that most of the people who've been posting understood what I meant. :)



Dr_Horrible
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13 Oct 2010, 4:18 am

IdahoRose wrote:
Wow Dr. Horrible, I think it's great that you know so much about NT interactions! :D Could you please post some more tips? I myself am doing much better socially than I was in previous years, but learning social skills is a lifelong process, and every little bit of advice would help. Thank you!


I am afraid that is difficult, given that NT interactions are very culturally dependent. It is really nothing too special. Perform in front of a mirror, write little RPG's or imagine little RPG's, look a films and instead of seeing the environment look at the eyes and body language of the characters.



squonk
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13 Oct 2010, 1:17 pm

I just can't act.



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13 Oct 2010, 2:20 pm

Nothing, really. I try to talk to people some. That's about it.



PangeLingua
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13 Oct 2010, 6:36 pm

jmnixon95 wrote:
Nothing, really. I try to talk to people some. That's about it.


I didn't do anything when I was your age, either. I guess the prospect of having to find a job has increased my motivation to at least seem passably social.



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13 Oct 2010, 7:50 pm

I bought some "video modeling" DVDs for my son from the Model Me Kids website and some kids' manners books and videos for him--then realized that I didn't know/wasn't practicing all the "correct" social skills and manners myself. I'm trying to be better about not hogging conversations, talking about myself and interests too much, and asking about other people's interests (even if I don't really care about what they are into).

It's okay to apologize if you catch yourself going off on a monologue about your favorite subject--then ask about the other person.

Also, being nice and polite and well-groomed/appropriately dressed goes a long way--people will forgive a lot if they think that you mean well and you have a pleasant appearance.