Need advice to edit this letter to doctor - very, very long

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The trouble is I have self harming scars and past overdoses (were not serious suicide attempts.)

Also my ex repeatedly told professionals - NOT GPs, psychiatric professionals, that I abused him. I also have professionals, not GPs, psychiatric professionals, stating that in their opinion I was psychotic and would be sectioned.

I HAVE to mention the self harming to the US visa doctor at the mandatory medical otherwise he will find the scars and that will land me in real hot water.

If you have self harming you WILL need a letter from doctor and a full psych assessment. Letter from doctor is where they will summarise your history. Mine is TERRIBLE.

There has been a tendency for medical professionals to link my depression in the past to an "unidentified brain disorder" and the later "aggressive outbursts" to Aspergers.

I NEVER mentioned the abuse.

Today I brought my mother into the GP's surgery and she admitted the abuse to the doctor.

Now this is what we are trying to escape, re US visa law. The possibility of fitting into the first two categories:

1(a) You currently have a physical or mental disorder and a history of behavior associated with the disorder that may pose or has posed a threat to your property, safety or welfare or that of others; or

1(b) You had a physical or mental disorder and a history of behavior associated with the disorder that has posed a threat to your property, safety or welfare or that of others and the behavior is likely to recur or lead to other harmful behavior.

Instead of any of the following:

2(a) You currently have no physical or mental disorders; or

2(b) You have or had a physical or mental disorder without associated behavior that may pose or has posed a threat to your property, safety or welfare of that of others; or

2(c) You currently have a physical or mental disorder with associated behavior, but that behavior has not posed, does not currently pose nor will pose a threat to your property, safety or welfare or that of others; or

2(d) You had a physical or mental disorder with associated behavior that posed a threat to your property, safety or welfare or that of others, but that behavior is unlikely to recur.

Now, here's what I believe:

Past self harming and aggression to others were caused by 1. Depression, 2. Abuse.

But I HAVE a mental disorder, namely Aspergers.

So I fit categories 2b and 2d.

But the question is whether I can EVER persuade the US authorities that I am not 1(a).

1(a) or 1(b)= Ineligibility for any visa, by the way.

And you DO have to persuade them. When you go in on visa waiver, it's really your own opinion (and you can argue you thought you told the truth if ever pulled up for it.) But when you do a permanent visa, you must PROVE this is the concrete truth.

As I have such a terribly extensive, negative history and accusations of an arrest that never happened, I don't think I have a cat in hell's chance of ever being with the man I married.

I have thought about it long and hard and I think I am going to ask the NHS for a non private psych, to go over my issues with abuse from others as it related to my Aspergers, my desperation to escape my father, how I ran straight into inappropriate relationships and why I am not in one now.

I gave up the place I have been most happy in on earth to try to have a chance of being with this person.

I have spent my entire life running from issues and only in one place did they go away in all areas except from home and it took me 12 years to admit to myself that I had married an "issue."

Whether I will be believed is anyone's guess.

I know the lack of mental issues in the past few years have been thanks to the absense of abuse. I know this because I don't freak out and cry and get hysterical any more, I don't argue with my new partner, I hold down a job that is very lucrative (I have gone from full disability to 23,000 a year - about $35000.) Aspergers does not result in self harm (except for possibly things like headbanging in childhood, most of us grow out of it.) It does not result in violence to others. All these are caused by depression or environment. Yes, having Aspergers can cause them to be more likely. Do I think they will reoccur (the golden question, as it is the one US immigration are asking.)

If they give me my husband, my family (his American family that have accepted and embraced me into normality that I have never known before) then no, I think things like severe depression, self harm, aggression in response to repeated abuse are EXTREMELY UNLIKELY.

If they refuse then I simply don't know where I'll be. It's basically conditional. My husband is in the final 2 years of a degree in the USA, I can't make him ditch it and I can't wait 2 years.

I am already 35 years old.

Other peoples' reaction to this condition have robbed me of my happiness, all my life. Literally ALL of it. And for 30 years of my life I have been beaten with shoes, belts (old fashioned father), been strangled, bitten, and verbally put down by my ex husband. I went straight from one to the other with no gap in between. And yes I admit I was violent to my ex, and from age 18 I was also reciprocally violent to my father.

Difference is my dad did not go bleating to my psych about it.

Asperger's is not a mental disorder. If you do not currently have a psychiatric disorder, then the answer to this question is "no".

https://esta.cbp.dhs.gov/esta/WebHelp/E ... Help_1.htm :-
Answer ”No” if:
(a) You currently have no physical or mental disorders; or
(b) You have or had a physical or mental disorder without associated behavior that may pose or has posed a threat to your property, safety or welfare of that of others; or
(c) You currently have a physical or mental disorder with associated behavior, but that behavior has not posed, does not currently pose nor will pose a threat to your property, safety or welfare or that of others; or
(d) You had a physical or mental disorder with associated behavior that posed a threat to your property, safety or welfare or that of others, but that behavior is unlikely to recur.

Sorry, much as people try to sugarcoat it, fact is Aspergers is classified as a mental disorder. Saying to the US government "But it's not a mental disorder, just a DIFFERENCE" is never going to wash. If it's in the DSM, it's a mental disorder.

Besides, how many of us here have an organic REASON for the Aspergers?

I've had MRI and EEG scans. My brain is broken. Cyst in the middle fossa, poorly developed temporal lobes. Aspergers is just how the symptoms of this manifest. I'll never be able to argue that I thought it was just a difference, because it's clearly an abnormality.

I am not sugar-coating anything. The fact is that Asperger's syndrome and autism are not mental disorders, or psychiatric disorders. If an autism spectrum disorder is the only issue, then the correct answer to the question is "no". You can confirm this by calling the US Embassy and asking for advice to complete the form.

You don;'t understand. The US embassy form is not my problem. I know I can answer "no" to "do you have a mental disorder" by following the advice to only tick yes if it comes with LIKELY risk of harm to self/others in future.

THIS is the problem.

This right here.

The US visa medical form.http://travel.state.gov/pdf/medical/LND ... 1-0808.pdf

Last page.

Now the questions, if I answer honestly are going to look like this.

1. Yes (for brain scans - they'll want the horrible results. And for an overdose. They'll want a letter from doctor about it. Oh and for seizures. That I faked.)
2. No
3. No
4. Yes (doesn't matter)
5. No
6. No
7. No
8. Yes (Aspergers, depression, anxiety)
9. No
10. No
11. Yes (Self harm, overdose in past)
12. No
13. No
14. No
15. No
16. No
17. No
18. No
19. No
20. No
21. No

But when they inevitably write to my GP for info on the above (which apparently they alweays do), they'll decide the following is true:

1. Yes (for brain scans, and for seizures THAT I FAKED. And overdose.)
2. No
3. No
4. Yes (doesn't matter)
5. No
6. Yes, I've completely had seizures!
7. No
8. Yes (Aspergers, depression, anxiety)
9. No
10. No
11. Yes (Self harm, overdose in past, OH AND HIT MY BOYFRIEND. YES INDEED.)
12. Yes I got arrested for carrying a knife!
13. No
14. No
15. No
16. No
17. No
18. No
19. No
20. No
21. No

And ther US embassy WILL consider Aspergers to be a mental disorder. Heck my GP does. I've already rang the freaking US embassy re. Aspergers and I've had one guy say "Only mention if it means you'll harm yourself/others" and one OTHER guy say "I think you need a waiver if you have that."

Obviously your Asperger's syndrome is not an issue.

Your past history of violence etc is an issue, and so is your difficult relationship with your doctor.

You mean the history of violence that only occurred because my ex was abusing me right?

This would not be a problem IF I could get them to believe that it was my ex abusing me amd not related to my Aspergers. UNFORTUNATELY they are fairly convinced it is related to a "unknown development disorder" wghich was later reclassified as Aspergers.

There is a very strong possibility they are going to decide I have BOTH Aspergers and a brain disorder that makes me hit people.

The last doctor's surgery had me down as having BOTH aspergers AND a "biological affective disorder." The biological affective disorder is precisely what I NEEDED to be reclassified as Aspergers. THIS surgery has it down as JUST Aspergers. But how long before they decide I have both?

It doesn't matter that the cyst in my brain is commonly associated with ADHD. Which is not usually a violent disorder either (although I don't think I have it.)

Or that lesions of the temporal lobes are found in autistics.

OR that lesions of the temporal lobes are found in DEAF PEOPLE. I've omitted to say I'm deaf, I think? And that the cause is cerebral ie. - there's NOTHING wrong with either of my ears, physically. And I've never been given a reason for that.

No, this crap in my brain has been attributed to my behaviour.

The stupidest part is for the longest time was saying things like "I have anger issues but I think it's biological, give me a brain scan" because i wanted a diagnosis. I KNEW I was different.

Then when we found out about AS we skipped trying to find a biological link

Sorry man I'll just slink off to my cave of "Not really aspergers, just some violent ret*d."

Sorry to darken this forum with my violent tendencies. I know you don't want the likes of me associating with your "next evolution of humanity" non mental disorder (that USCIS will consider to be a mental disorder, seeing as it's in the WHO guidelines they use to define mental disorders - you can believe I've already researched this heavily.)

Oh and a Dr Digby Tantum of Sheffield also wrote on my diagnosis that my aggressive outbursts could well be related to people being unable to deal with my Aspergers. So even HE relates it to that.

Believe me I want more than ANYTHING to disassociate this stuff from Aspergers, as if I can it meabs I'm still able for a visa. But the ONLY way I can do this is to get them to accept my ex's abuse.

BTW Aspergers has completely ruined my life, even if vicariously (parental, spousal abuse.) I try to be of the "LOL it's just a difference" crowd, but I find it very, very hard.

Hi again.

Sorry I am really not trying to have a go (in case you;re not either) but my Aspergers is definitely a problem because it is a lifelong disorder on the list of "Biologically affective mental disorders" in the WHO manual used by USCIS to define what you do/do not need to disclose at medical.

I have VERY HEAVILY researched this.

I have Aspergers which is lifelong, and pre-Aspergers diagnosis they had me down as "Biological affective syndrome" which means a brain disorder of unknown name.

Now a GP in one area had me down as having both but my current GP has me down as just having AS. I don't know whether that's because they are more understanding or what.

Now IMO the brain disorder is quite likely my deafness (it has never been linked to it.)

What I'm scared of is this:

That violence will be attributed to the Aspergers by a psych who doesn't understand it (it is not unfeasible. This is Britain. Aspergers is widely misunderstood.)

That violence will be attributed to the pre Aspergers labelling of "Non specified biological affective disorder."

I wish I'd never agreed to those brain scans.

I want the self harming to be attributed to depression and the violence to be attributed to abuse. Both are non permanent problems. Both are unlikely to reoccur now I've left my ex.

This would mean I get the visa.

IF they are attributed to Aspergers or a spider in my head - this spider http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arachnoid_cyst

Then I'm finished.

I have the ADHD variant cyst btw in the "left middle fossa" with associated damage to temporal lobers (that is ap[parently common with it) I am oprofoundly deaf in one ear.

There's a possibility the cyst or the temporal lobe damage is causing my Aspergers symptoms. ALL my symptoms mimic Aspergers EXACTLY though.

And temporal lobe damage is common in autism.

As I say though it's also common in the deaf.

I am not trying to have a go, and nobody darkens any forum by asking for help. As far as I can see, you perceive a very negative reaction to your application before you have made it. If you currently attend a doctor who believes that you are psychiatrically well and do not pose a risk in the terms of the application, then I don't see a major problem. The doctor writes a letter expressing an opinion, nobody else sees your history.

The thing is I don't have a doctor who thinks I'm psychiatrically well. I have a doctor who has tried to withold my records for me, on the grounds that I'm probably not. A doctor who won't write me a letter which basically says the following:

Dear Knightsbridge Surgery

I confirm this patient is under my care. She is diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. She has had issues of self harming in the past circa (when it was), and a hospital admission for an overdose in (when it was) which was not deemed to be a suicide attempt. She is not currently under psychiatric care and I can confirm that she is not under medication for depression or anxiety at this time. She feels her past issues were environmental. I am not however a psychiatrist and I am at her request referring her for an assessment at (xyz) hospital.

What happens if they DON'T do this? They get a letter back from Knightsbridge visa medical services saying "Dear Doctor xyz. Please give us a brief rundown of all psychiatric conditions suffered by this lady, past and present, hospital admissions, anty histopry of violence or drug taking."

I have been advised by basically everyone uin a similar plight (although NOBODY'S had it half as bad or as complicated as me) to get a pre-emptive letter as this shows your doctor is cooperative, it pips them at the post for requesting a letter, and it confirms you are doing your best to show you are telling the truth in advance.

Thing is I'm going to tell the truth, but it doesn't actually MATCH my medical records.

I faked the seizures. So no, no seizures.
I haven't been arrested for issues relating gto mengtal health.
I don't feel like I was violent to my partner. I certainly did not "inflict harm" as specified. Pushing and shoving=no harm inflicted. I have never been in custody for "inflicting harm" on him. This all shold be a moot point as I have to give USCIS a full police record - it's clean, by the way.

I can therefore legally refrain from telling them any of this as it's NOT the truth to say "yes" to seizures, "yes" to violence, or "yes" to "In trouble with the law" - you can actually argue can't you anyway, that if you are never charged with something or found guilty of something you're NOT in trouble with the LAW. Even if you ARE arrested.

As far as I would interpret it, being in trouble with the law would mean having either been found guilty of an offence or accepted a caution. I am unsure of the wording though, which says "Have you ever been arrested or convicted for any offense or crime, even though subject of a pardon, amnesty or other similar legal action?", because "arrested" seems to be too broad.

I should have said earlier that I have Asperger's syndrome and a history of self-harm and have been detained in secure psychiatric care for "being a danger to myself or others", but it did not occur to me. I have not had any difficulty with international travel.

(Also, you have included some names and places in your posts that you might wish to remove - you can click on edit and modify them.)