Going out alone

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I go to bars alone too.

I don't really go out. At all. I live in the country, so to speak - there's simply nothing to do.

What kind of things do they say about you? Do they just tease you for being quiet or is it something more than that?

I'm thinking the same thing as Ah_Q. Friends shouldn't be saying things that make you ashamed. If it's unintentional on their part, then you should let them know (in as nice a way as you can) that it upsets you.
I do lots of things on my own, including going to movies. I know other people think it's weird, but I don't care.

When I do go out, I tend to find myself either going out with my husband and younger son or to organized group activities. I have trouble making close female friends and have to work up to asking someone to hang out, and when they decline, I feel rejected. I'm not sure that I understand normal female friendships. So much easier to belong to a Meetup group, church group or something like that with scheduled activities.

Men are so much easier to deal with.

blondeambition - Amen sister @ everything you said.

I have, IMO more success that way than with asking the few friends I have. I go out alone quite a bit - it's more enjoyable not being shackled...

corroonb, it's nice to see someone who knows that "I could care less" means that they, well, could care less; but I hear it so much that I think it's become an abbreviation as in

"I could' care less"

Anyway

I'm out alone more than most people are

That's if I go out

Doesn't bother me, but I wouldn't go anywhere alone to "just socialize", there has to be music or a goal or something. Currently I have a friend who is briefly (I'm sure) single & she wants to go out a lot "to be seen" so she can get her next man.

She's been treated by her husbands/bfs/lovers/friends with b's just about as well as I have (um BAD) so I'm not sure why she still thinks she's going to find someone to grow old with.

But she's younger & I guess she has the stamina for another round.... not I, I can't stand it when guys hit on me, and I can not believe this is still happening to me. I'm middle-aged, flat-chested, skinny, no butt whatsoever (the skin part is still there haha) (Oh, so I guess jeans maybe make it look like I still have at least a tiny part of a butt). My hair is ordinarily a mess, I can't wear makeup, well I could but I hate the way it feels & it gets rubbed all over my face (by me) b/c it's itchy..... I have weird posture.... raggedy clothes.... I dance alone & only alone, and I ignore everyone around me when I'm dancing, maybe that's attractive somehow? Challenge? Or because I'm not overweight anymore? idk

Usually I just blow them off because I don't think they would really like me if they get to know me. And if they did, I probably would grow to hate them pretty fast, because that's my life. Last year I gave some guy my # at a concert (after he followed me around all night like a puppy; I had to keep moving b/c I have no clue how to dance "with" someone and he thought he could just start dancing near me & attract my attention & then we'd be dancing "together" and we aren't talking ballroom --- it's way less formal, how am I supposed to know what he's going to do when there's not a diagram of step here, step there---) He called after a week or so, I met him at a bar once, but during the initial questioning period, he decided I was a pill-head like his ex, and he cooled off noticeably. (He asked me if I took pills & I said yes.... he asked me what kind, I named two of them that he might have heard of and he lost interest.....whatever) If I didn't take the meds I take, I probably wouldn't even leave the house. I'm not sure what was up with his ex, but it was definitely a problem for him, whatever she was up to.

Speaking of leaving the house, it's not something I do a lot of nowadays. Mainly I do it if I "have" to, or if I have (what I call) a gatekeeper, i.e. extrovert best friend, boyfriend, my kids, etc. - someone to drag me around & by their presence, sorta make others think I'm more normal? Or maybe they overlook my oddness because my "gatekeepers" tend to be the opposite of me?

If there's a band I want to hear & I am well enough (physically) (Ok, emotionally too, depending on the details).... I will go out alone without hesitation. I'd rather, actually, be alone at concerts because when I go with someone they are always trying to talk, get me to dance "with" them or whatever. ,

I have some days that I label "chore days" and I go out to do a list of things - but it's usually things that have to be done (new shoes or underwear, groceries, etc) and those are done alone every time. In and out and home again. Lock door and unwind.

I have some days - usually on the invite of others - where I will go with them to movies, or to write at a friend's house (though I never make much progress in unfamiliar location) or at a restaurant. Sometimes to do yard work / gardening (interest) or play video games (done mainly just to maintain the friendship).

I sometimes go out to public places with one of my pet chinchillas riding on my shoulder. I do this to encourage attention about one of my favourite topics.... chinchillas! (I also have 'rescue' chinchillas on a regular basis, looking to be rehoused.. this is 'marketing') I usually head for the used bookstore downtown and then circle back home. Or the pet store. Need to have a destination, though the idea is to stop along the way for that a-formentioned attention.

And yes, I sometimes go to movies on my own. Since I really only have one friend, and some of our tastes differ, and there are some movies I'm unwilling to wait for the DVD.... I go to the cheap theatre. Because their sound system isn't as abrasive and the seats are wider.

I go some places alone (shopping, for a walk in the park, beach, etc). I don't really like to go places with lots of people alone, like restaurants, movies, etc that people usually go to with others. 1) because I don't like groups of people to begin with, and 2) because it makes me feel more alone to be in crowds of people with their friends all interacting smoothly. I prefer to go places with a companion, however, that's often not feasible so I do go places simply because the alternative is not to go at all. I especially dislike eating in restaurants by myself (I'd rather take the food to go and eat somewhere else) or going to the movies by myself, though I have done it when absolutely necessary.

It has been much easier since I had my son (he is now 2). He goes most everywhere with me (except sometimes when I need to go shopping alone, which is easier now that he's running around) and as he is cute and friendly, it makes other people friendly to me and to approach and deal with me much more nicely. I realize this won't last as he gets older, but it's been a nice change from what I've been used to all my life.

Edited to add: Going out to actual Parties, etc. isn't usually an option (unless it's a "family gathering" which I attend since I'm supposed to). I very rarely get invited to parties. If I get invited, I usually go, but that would mean not by myself. And I don't go to bars. The whole idea is distasteful.

I've developed a taste for going out alone. Before I gained friends, I would always go to things alone because I had no choice.

Even though I have lots of friends now, they simply don't have the same interests as me. I like going to art galleries, vintage and thrift shopping, sipping espresso, seeing underground/foreign films, going to indie clubs, seeing bands and going out to eat at interesting, eclectic places.

Everyone I meet, even if they seem quirky or individualistic, seems to like things that are more mainstream...for example, going to mcdonalds or going to the mall instead of going to the cute independently owned resto around the corner and shopping at Value Village. Or they like sitting around and watching TV instead of going out, which I find BORING. And even if they're different from everyone else, they will fit into groups that are heavily stereotyped...for example, I know tons of "ravers" and "goths" who adhere to those cultures as a lifestyle. The problem is, I don't fit into any sort of mold, and I don't care to.

My best friend, when she lived in the city, ...she and I did everything together until she moved to Florida. Another formerly close friend of mine was also the same way, until she started working at American Apparel, found her place in the world as a hipster...and ditched me.

(epiphany moment!) It was one of the reasons I got into binge drinking...it was one of the only things I could use to connect with people, simply because I found the rest of themselves boring.

(/epiphany moment!)

I'm not quiet at all. I talk a lot and I keep putting my foot in my mouth as you can imagine. I've been called a "social ret*d", jokingly, by a friend. The things they say are like advice, but in order to give me advice they need to point out everything I did wrong, and it hurts to hear that. I guess I'm just very sensitive to criticism. Sometimes nobody says anything to me, but one day, completely out of the blue I have an epiphany about something that happened ages ago. And I keep playing that situation in my head and it's like torture but I don't know how to stop.



Maybe I do need to let them know. One of those "friends", I guess I don't consider her a friend anymore because she says really hateful things like how I'm not successful in relationships with men because even though they're interest in the beginning, once they realize I'm crazy they lose interest. And that men are human and need social interaction, too. But that was just one person. I think the other people mean well, but to be honest I'm not even sure anymore.

I feel the same way as anneurysm. Great picture, btw.

I usually go out when its warm or hot enough outside so I can play some basketball or walk around and think inside my head. Although I'm use to being in the house because I can play music, draw, relax, etc.

Not me. I would get lost.