Alternate Personas

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, I completely understand this. It takes a lot of energy to maintain, and so I find myself making other errors when I have to use my social persona. I find myself exhausted and stressed after work every day.

And when I'm out of public view at work, I notice that all of my other twitches and stims and habits are much worse, especially if I'm mid-interaction (i.e., running upstairs to get a pass for an irate patron).

Hi Spyral,

I had been trying to express my alternate persona to my therapist for a long time -- how pervasive it is and completely different than whom I am at home. So, I finally went on the Internet and found out the correct terminology in a book called "Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships," by Ashley Stanford. Her husband has the same coping mechanism that we do.

It is interesting that you mention therapist not understanding alternate personas. When I went in to be diagnosed for Asperger's I had a pretty good idea of what I had, yet one of the first test they gave me was for schizophrenia.

The only voices I hear are from people I do not want to talk to.

Trying to act NT is such a pain and so tiring. The bed is basically my ultimate refuge so I spend a lot of time there. My wife calls the bed my mistress, but fortunately for me, she understands what I am going through. Why she put up with me I am not sure.

I am a graduate student, so in addition to working on my dissertation, I also teach at least one class a semester and also work for a professor in the electrical engineering department. My department is political science, but they do not have any money beyond the first three years of support they gave me. Teaching can be an absolute nightmare, but I make all my students aware that I am an aspie and expect a little odd behavior from me. The job with the professor is great because I get my own office and am left to my own devices for the most part.

My biggest problem with the alternate persona is not that it doesn't help me cope, but that it works too well. I feel like I am lying to others and myself by putting on this dog and pony show to fit in. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I hope you are able to find a more capable therapist. I went through a lot of them before I found the guy I work with now. In fact, the first lady I went to wanted to end every session with a hug – that did not last long.

-Johnathan

I'm often violently sarcastic among other people. I'm not actually like that - at least I hope so.

I was going to talk about my rock star persona. Not that I was ever a star, but it's just as others have said. On stage I'm fine, I'm into the performance and the show and the crowd doesn't bother me. Once off stage claustrophobia sets in immediately. I also seem to have developed a 'survival' personality. I can worry myself to death over piddling problems, but let things get really pear shaped, and someone who is very calm and clear-headed mysteriously appears in my place, and thank goodness for that, it has saved my bacon more than once.

I've done this, and it is exhausting as hell.

The worst part? Encountering a situation in which two groups of people to whom you apply different facades, meet. Coworkers and family, two groups of friends. This would give me a segfault.

It's best expressed by George Costanza's Two Worlds argument. You can't combine those who see you with personality A, with those who see you with personality B, unless you want a whomping headache and a complete collapse of both facades.

Since I am intelligently lazy, I learned that it's much easier to stop using facades unless absolutely necessary AND in a manner indistinguishable from expected social relationships. For instance, one expects interactions with a superior to be formal, interactions with clerks to be formal with a quota of informal, etc. The facade, hopefully, should mimic the expected level of communication.

I sometimes think Confucius had a point with his attempt to classify a handful of human relationships with separate rules for each.

I've had a handful of alter egos for some social situations (online and off). I actually was having trouble determining which was actually me and which were the alter egos, and the energy cost in sustaining these fronts made it harder for me to deal with other problems (like depression) and I think contributed to the depression.

I've been trying not to use them, and I am not even sure I can except in bits and pieces, and I sort of lost a good chunk of my social skills along with it.

Ah yes, putting on your gameface. It's exhausting, but well, sometimes ya gotta. Ironically my gameface is never used for gaming, when I game I'm just me. It's only when I have to play that social game with people I don't know very much that yeah, ya gotta put up the mask and play the part.

I call it being a social chameleon. Only show parts of what other people can handle, never show them everything.

But even so its mentall taxing. Because I have to filter in so much.

I just be myself at work, now. It's much easier that way. Coworkers are treating me with more respect, as well.

I don't have alternate personas. I just hide the parts of me that are socially unacceptable. Sometimes there isn't much that is visible.

I mentioned this in another thread, but it's more relevant here.

I have the ultimate second persona, we are involved in historical reenactment and find it a complete change from reality. In "The complete guide to Aspergers Syndrome" by Tony Attwood he talks about people moving to a different part of the world and that this change of culture can hide their lack of social skills.

I find that having a strict guide can make me much more comfortable, we are involved in English Civil War (1639 - 1660) and the historical knowledge of this period means that there are 'rules' for everything, styles of dress and clothes, how to greet people, social stereotypes, etc

This is me!

I am not diagnosed with aspergers but with social anxiety and I tend to put on a mask or persona when socialising that is not true to who I am. I have memorised scripts that I stick to and tend to appear more relaxed than I actually am lol. People cannot see my social anxiety from the outside at times as I cover it well although it can become annoying after a while...I can be getting more and more upset and distressed and no one seems to realise how distressed I am until I suddenly meltdown out the blue (although to be honest its been building up for a while, its just that people don't notice it. I will tend to try and flee though before the meltdown happens because even though people can't see my distress building I am aware of it).

Also, I don't really get the shaking thing etc (only in extreme circumstances like when doing a presentation) so don't come across as nervous. I will tend to mimic people as a guide as to what to do. Social situations are incredibly incredibly exhausting though as it takes a massive amount of energy trying to make small talk (not my thing as any friends I do have will point out...I usually just launch straight into deep conversations about whatever my brain is fixated on at the time rather than do the small talk thing), trying to remember what I'm supposed to do next and so on. I usually need to come home and be alone for some time afterwards as quite frankly I feel so drained its unbelievable.

I really do not understand how people find socialising to be a fun enlivening activity lol. I often have to pretend to be more social than I actually am or people think I am abnormal. As child I learned that it's seen as wrong if you don't mix much because I would often play on my own for hours at a time but adults seemed to be concerned by this (even though I was quite happy playing by myself) and would constantly push me to socialise.

I do want to socialise sometimes, just not as much as most people lol.