My father is trying to "cure" my aspergers

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That's horrible, wave freak. No one should have to hear that.

My father told me I was "mental", among other things.

It's like saying "you're so strong, you should be able to do math", or "you're such a good writer, you should be able to dance". They're completely different areas of expertise and have nothing to do with each other.

I have gotten "you are so smart you can go to college" and people have found it hard to believe I needed extra help with my school work. It's as if they think smart people don't need accommodations nor do they struggle in school and only people with low intelligence do. Lot of people have the misconception about learning disabilities, they assume people with it aren't very smart. Then when someone is smart, they think that person can't be a slow learner nor have a learning disability.

My psychiatrist described some ASD traits with the analogy of colour-blindness - you can see colour, you can feel emotion in response to it, you can use all your intelligence to make accurate decisions in relation to it. You just can not see all the same colours as other people.

Social / emotional / body language blindness is the same - all your emotion and intellect are useless in trying to act on things that are invisible to you. You will never train yourself to see something for which you have no vision. No amount of coaching from your father will make you see the invisible.

The biggest step to acting like you see these things is to modify the context. If you can't read an expression, then say something to provide verbal information. If your clothing causes comment or expectations that you can not handle, then dress in a way that changes other people's behaviour (a suit and tie, if necessary). If meetings are puzzling, then insist on written records or email "clarifications" to check your interpretations. If you can't tell when a potential partner is nonverbally saying "yes" then ask outright.

I wouldn't be able to tolerate someone like that. The fact that you have managed to live with that on a daily basis is nothing short of amazing. Now and again, my mother has had difficulty understanding why I might struggle in one thing but excel in another thing, but it was never that bad. A while ago, we had a similar conflict and I did not stand for it. Furthermore, I cannot begin to explain how angry it makes me when people think they can "save or "fix"" others and then resort to victim blaming when their "genius" plan fails. People may be genuinely well meaning, good people, but that doesn't mean that their actions aren't damaging. I would listen to leejosepho because they have the right idea. The good idea would be to give your father the patience that he never gave you and perhaps he might be more accepting. If he doesn't cooperate, that's his loss. You just concentrate on what you can do on YOUR terms, not his.

You're amazing for living through that, but I don't think I can offer any help.

I haven't been formally diagnosed (probably never will) but I get that a lot. The "You're so smart, WHY can't you go and talk to her?" or something like that. It makes no sense. I really liked the comparison someone made with dancing and stuff. I never thought of it that way.

My mom thinks I'm "faking" because I want her to "baby" me. I'm not. =/

Do let us know if you ever get through to your dad.

It sounds to me like he is making it worse. Doesn't he understand the role that anxiety can play with someone who is AS? No, you can't be forced. Guided, encouraged and supported - yes. Forced - that will backfire.

I do think some others in this thread had some nice, subtle ideas on how to get him to understand that. It sounds to me like he is reacting to his own frustration, without thinking all that hard about what will actually work best for you (perhaps he's just given up on figuring that out). The right formula will let him know that you want to do better, and understand his frustration, while making it clear that shouting at you is entirely counterproductive. Some things may always be an issue for you, and that can be difficult for a parent to accept; we like to think that we can get our kids across any bridge, if we try hard enough, but that really isn't true. Some bridges just are not meant to be crossed by some people. When it comes time to accept that for your child, it can be really hard to swallow.

I do that to all of my family members (except for my cousins, who are not interested in my ramblings), as well as my teachers, school psychologist, and the members of my IEP team, without any intention of harming their psyches with my erudite personality (was that used in the wrong context?).

What others said. Tell him you do understand he's trying to help but his method is only causing you stress and emotional hurt, and point out that you need guidance rather than punishment.

I don't know anybody with AS that has the social mind of a three year old.

I have an aspie friend who has the social skills of a 4-5 year old. He doesn't think he has AS and he is more severely autistic.

I see... this might be the case with the aspies I thought were just dual-diagnosed with cognitive impairment. (Hey, I didn't know and I didn't think it was my business to ask)

Uh aspies don't have cognitive impairments. It's in the criteria. But then again lot of doctors don't seem to follow the darn thing so aspies get diagnosed with it anyway despite being cognitive impaired or having a speech delay when they were young or having poor self help skills unless the have something else that would make self help skills hard for them such as arthritis or cancer or if they had a speech delay because the were deaf. And some seem to be more autistic than AS based on what they say about themselves or what someone is saying about that person.

So I figured if the don't follow the darn criteria, they will mind as well get rid of the label and make it all autism and now the are finally going to.

I don't know what you even mean. They can't have mental retardation? C'mon now.

It's in the criteria. Look:


http://www.autreat.com/dsm4-aspergers.html

(V) There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction) and curiosity about the environment in childhood.


See? No cognitive impairments and isn't a cognitive delay an impairment? So it's saying we can't have a cognitive impairment.

What.......ever.