Are aspies less affected by death? why?

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Almost all of my relatives are dead, one of my closest friends is dead, two of my dogs died, I really don't want more death coming my way but it's unavoidable, I guess. I do miss some of the ones I've lost, and it does not matter if it is a person or a pet, it breaks my heart to think of them sometimes.
I can't, however, fake grief. For an example, when my father died, I felt no pain or grief because we were never close, he never cared about his children and wife, there was gross neglect and quite an amount of domestic violence, and frankly, both me and my mother were relieved when he was finally gone. So we both (one NT, one Aspie) never exhibited much sadness about the matter (though we didn't exhibit happiness either) and, turns out, the society expected us to be sad, though people knew how my late father treated his family.
I won't ever understand this - how I am supposed to mourn the loss of a person who was never a presence in my life? Was I supposed to fake grief and why should that be more socially acceptable than to be honest? Blimey, I won't ever get it. That's just me being Aspie, I guess.

When I was younger it didn't affect me as much. Both my maternal grandfather and my father passed away within a few weeks of each other when I was 7, almost 8. I showed no emotion at that time, and didn't until I was about maybe 13 or 14 when I understood more about what happened to my father. He commited suicide. Even though when he died my classmates understood what happened, I didn't. My maternal grandmother passed away in 1998 a few weeks after graduating form college. 2 1/2 years later my paternal grandfather died and then my paternal grandmother just this past spring. It affected me more emotionally. I kind of was fearful that eventually their deaths would come, and then once it happened there was less to worry about. I remember that while in college every day I would check my mail box to see if I had a note that I had phone call from home about something.

Well, kind of. I haven't known many people who have died. They are my granddad, my best friends granddad and my orchestra conductor.
I didn't cry after any of them. I cried at my best friend's granddad's funeral a BIT, but not much.
I'm not affected my death very much myself.

my family has banned me from all funerals, because i laughed last time i was there.
i dont really care because i hardly even talk to them anymore i dont think death is funny, its just bizzare how funerals are. i mean, its so freaking serious. its hilarious

How can one generalize this?

ruveyn

I didn't cry when my grandfather died. Maybe because he was already dead to me. He wasn't the way he used to be because he couldn't care for himself nor remember. I couldn't understand why people were crying when they should be feeling like happy for him hat he passed away because he couldn't do things he used to do and I sure wouldn't want to live that way. My cousin told me it was the memories they have of when he was a live and what he used to do. But it still wasn't logical for me. They could mind as well be crying when he was still alive when he changed due to aging. Not everyone cried at the service either.

I remember when my great uncle died when I was 15 and my parents weren't sad nor my brothers nor I. He was in pain was why due to cancer and he was ready to die and my mom said she felt relieved because he didn't have to suffer anymore. But yet when my great aunt died when I was 11, everyone was crying and so was my other and I couldn't understand why everyone was crying except for my dad's cousin. It was her mother was why so of course she cry. But I was only 11 then and I remember I didn't see little kids at the funeral crying.

I remember when my great grandmother died when I was 8 and I didn't cry or feel sad. I remember feeling that means we won't go and see her anymore and be bored at the nursing home. My brothers didn't cry either nor my parents. Maybe because she was 102 when she passed and she also was ready to die. But my grandmother was sad.

Then my other great grandmother passed away when I was 16 and I wasn't sad. My mom didn't seem sad either but I am sure her mother was because it was her mother that died.


But I know I would be sad if my husband died or my baby or my parents. So anyone I need I'd be sad about. But I am not sure how I'd feel if it was my brothers that died. I remember the year when one of them got in a car accident and had to go to the hospital and once when my dad said he was still alive, I moved on and didn't care anymore. It was around the same time my cat died and I felt sad but I didn't grieve nor did I cry. I knew she was going to pass soon because of the shape she was in when I last time saw her. I knew maybe another year she be gone but nope she retired a month later after I saw her. Four times have I been to Montana I have never bothered visiting the spot where she was buried. I guess I am not that much devoted to pets but yet I cried when my pet snail died because someone killed it. I was eight then and I buried it. I don't think I ever visited that spot again.

I don't know if my Asperger's has anything to do with it, but I usually get through the loss of family and close friends fairly quickly. It's always hard to accept, but I know I can't change any of it, and I'm logically-minded. Hence, no gain by prolonging sadness or grief. I guess you could call it experience, as my Grandma (who raised me to age 5), died when I was 10, and then my mother died when I was 21. I've always had dogs, and of course it's part of nature's plan that we outlive them, thus plenty of experience losing dogs along the way since my teen years. I have a numbness to the grieving, I guess you could say.

Charles

I am no good with visiting graves too. I view it as pointless.

The first time I ever heard about anyone dying. it was a great-uncle. I was 5 and cried for hours uncontrollably. Haven't cried at a death since. Can't cry over anything when other people are crying at the same time, like funerals.

Last edited by puddingmouse on 29 Oct 2010, 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

OT, but this thread title cracks me up every time I see it. Thank you.

Its more of a belief thing than neurological.

I can cope with it because I know its not the end. If someone like Mum died though I would be quite lost.

The more blingy they are, the more pointless. Though I find it kind of soothing when I walk through a graveyard full of famous people or people who died hundreds of years ago.

I believe it is the end and still don't get too upset. I'll probably be very messed up when I lose a parent, though.

I seem to react to death no differently than anybody else. Not any more or less accepting of it. Some people with autism don't get that close to people that society thinks you "should" be close to so it can seem odd when they aren't as effected by death.

My grandfather dying wasn't easy on me, but when my cat died it was even harder and very difficult to accept. It took about 7 months to come to terms with it fully. Actually it was a big impetus to deepen my spiritual practices (i was a practicing buddhist at the time).

The only time I have been affected by a death was when my hamster died when I was 6. But since then death never affected me at all. The several funerals I have been to stirred no feelings of sadness in me. I think I just accept it now. But yeah its tragic sometimes.

I don't know if those with AS would be less affected in general. I think like with every other person on the planet it depends on who died and how you usually react to sadness - some people cry, some don't.
When my great aunt died I was seven years old. I don't remember feeling sad, because I knew that she was really sick and that she was going to die anyway. I guess I just prepared myself and when the time came, I accepted it. When my great grandfather died it was the same. He had suffered with cancer for more than a decade and about a week before he died, you could tell that it wasn't going to be very far away. He slipped into a coma and died in his bed. I was fifteen at the time so it's not like I didn't understand what death was. I just knew that he had a long life and because he was accepting about his own death, I didn't have any reason to be sad.
Of course I miss them both, but I've never been one to cry much over people's deaths. With animals though I am the opposite - can't stop crying for days and almost so sad that I wish I was dead, just so I don't have to feel it anymore.