I hate myself

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aww, man its not that bad! a different perspective is all you really need, wich hopefully you will find

To me, you are more normal than "normal" people. At least I can understand you and your feelings. The so-called "normal" people are like aliens to me. Cruel and evil aliens out to eat brains. LOL.... okay well maybe not the eating brains thing. But close to it.

Yup, I can identify. I went through a lot of the same stuff when i got my journalism degree ages ago. Lots of extremely embarrassing moments and feeling like a total idiot most of the time. However, it's very important to remember that the reality is nowhere as bad as what you're experiencing. What feels like a monumental failure for you atm is just a small glitch for the rest of the people involved. At worst, they just think you're a bit nervous. No great sin.

About journalism being for you, I don't know. Apart from the fact that the papers are dying like flies, the constant interaction with people might be a problem (whether you have AS or social anxiety). I know I felt totally wiped out at the end of the day when I had my first (and only) summer job at a newspaper. I actually thought I was sick for most of the summer and had to leave work early a few times. I don't see how I could function like that in the long run. On the other hand, if you can write, freelance work might be ok. You can do it at home and most of the communication these days is done by email. Thinking a bit differently and asking different questions can be a plus as well.