How did you learn Social Skills?

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Same as everyone else:

observing what other people do

and

trial and error!

Learn to use humor and sarcasm without being mean - that's most of the battle.

Observing and imitating and learning from mistakes. The first thing I consciously learned was to try to notice when someone acted awkward or uncomfortable after something I did, so I could figure out what I did and then figure out why that would make them uncomfortable. But I also don't try to hide things about myself very much... I can't figure out how to explain this. :B
If I like someone, I'll try to do certain things to not make them feel awkward because I like them and don't want to make them feel bad. But I won't compromise who I actually am to make them like me and I still act like myself, and if they don't like me or are just a mean person then I'll practise how I've learned to be polite in a sterile kind of way.

I still haven't learned how to get rid of unwanted conversation from strangers, though. At that point I haven't decided if I like the person or not so I'm not sure how to act so I try to be polite and nice at the same time and it makes people think I'm really interested in them. D:

Actually, I'm a disaster. I used to try to get along with people but had very bad manners. Finally and somewhat meekly I tried to learn how to do better, but the constant battle to try to say something appropriate while coming up with the correct responses as expected for certain pat phrases and at the same time not going off on a tangent and talking over people because too much of a strain. I still seemed to be driving people away and those that I didn't appeared to be remaining out of pity or amusement. I shut down and stopped making eye contact at all. I avoided conversation as much as humanly possible. I was told by a woman who had known me for several years how much I had improved in my social skills since she first met me (in a frank discussion of such). I had improved, had I? Had she noticed that I hardly spoke anymore? She might have. After we moved, she e-mailed me. I never answered. If that was rude, I confess in was entirely on purpose for a change.

I learned nothing from my parents except that I wasn't good enough, that I embarrassed them. I was scolded for having no tact. When I wanted to do something nice, I was told not to bother people. I was told that they liked me at home but not how I acted in public. No specifics. Just that. I've really never had any hope of earning back the lost respect.

If I offend and alienate people when I try to be nice, why should I make the painful effort? I can alienate them just as well with my mouth shut.

For what it's worth, when I'm not depressed as I am at the moment, and seek to do better, I have changed my tack. I have abandoned the desperate and needy way I once had of trying to show people what there was about me that was good and admirable. They're not interested, and I was spending too much time talking about myself. It will always hurt that I had to give up because no one was interested in liking me for myself. Call it a dead dream. It isn't going to happen.

But there are ways to speak to people that make them think you're nice. This isn't a lie, it's simply a different choice of things to say. I try to use reflective listening. It works well in getting kids to talk to you more and also works with adults. I don't have the mental energy to explain it right now. I'm sure it's explained on the internet.

I was lucky enough spend the last 18+ years learning them thanks to an organization known as Gold Coast Recreation & Sport.
They basically took us out into the NT social environment, then we would go back after the outing and go through all the things that were considered "Autistic" and worked on strategies on how to work on them, they also helped us with using eye contact, listening to things we may not be interested in and they got us to organize our own outings.

Acting is one of the things that helped my stepson, he was with a high school theater troupe and he enjoyed it very much.

Shadi

There's always the "technical, scientific" side of social interaction.

Learning about game theory, the science behind emotions(what factors lead to them, what chemicals are involved, their function in terms of survival and reproduction), sociology, psychology, anthropology, and the evolution of human behavior can be helpful, so can some "field work" i.e. people-watching, but while you learn it you have to be careful because what you read about will tend to stick out in your mind as you look at people day to day. You could notice Behavior A and how it seems a lot like what you read about reading about human social behavior and then blow it out of proportion. It's important to remember that there are many reasons for why people do/say things and it could always be something you haven't read about/figured out yet. Also sciences tend to look for reasons to problems more than reasons to positive things, so this strategy can lead to a very pessimistic view of social relationships if you don't spend some time purposefully seeking out explanations for "positive" things.

I learned by observing my mom interacting with people in public places. Whenever I'm in a situation with strangers, I just think to myself, "What would mom say to this person?"

I worked at a hotel for four years, a year and a half in Montana and the one here for two years and I learned to not ever correct the guests or even give them suggestions like "Did you see if the TV is plugged in" or "Did you see if the coffee maker is plugged in" or telling them "Why not just take the pen off the note pad before you listen to your messages?" when they complain over silly things like pen being attached to the pad or when guests say their TV won't turn on or their coffee maker. Yeah I learned don't even argue with the guests and just do it.

And I was shocked at how dumb people are and what they complain about. One of them even threw away his tooth brush and then he decided he wanted it back so one of the room attendants had to dig through her trash to get out that tooth brush to give to the guest and I felt grossed out. We couldn't even say to the guest "it's been thrown away, ewww and you want it, why not go and get a new one, they're not that expensive." But the supervisor did tell him his room has been cleaned and his trash has been taken but he still said he wanted it back so they obliged.

I also learned to not ever make any comments when I bring stuff to the guests. I once said something and a guest got offended and he or she complained and m supervisor talked to me about it. I never wanted to talk to another guest again because I didn't know what would offend them. I'll just speak when spoken to and not say my mind. I don't remember what I offended the guest about. If it was a topic or a comment I said but I took it to extreme. I would rather keep my mouth shut and not say anything at all if I am going to get one complaint because it might happen again about something else.





Don't look at them and do short answers and don't carry on a conversation with them. Or just play your ipod or video game or take out something to read. I find that shuts them up.

Try and look for a book on Asperger's and social skills. They usually point out the mistakes and faux pas made frequently by aspies. You just have to practice them frequently. Remember, more you practice them and put them into practice, the more you get used to them and the easier it becomes.

I learned from my aunt who worked in a lot of administrative jobs & then became a teacher. She was the one who really gave me 1 one 1 social skills training at age 12. Before then, I just followed the rules the teachers gave us in class such as - don't talk out of turn, wait patiently in line etc. I also learned from being corrected by my mother, but unfortunately some of that correction was a bit harsh at times, so that didn't do well for my self esteem. Luckily my extended family & teachers gave gentler correction & treated me with empathy so I was able to pick up that trait too.

I'd also say observation - especially in college where we learned how to observe behaviors as part of a developmental class. And it was in college where I read about normative behavior & interaction that I really started to get it. Of course, I am still learning as I go about life.

From making lots and lots of mistakes. Making a fool of myself constantly and just doing things wrong. It takes lots of practice in just everyday life. You can memorize as much social skills as you want but you have no clue what everything means until you actually apply it. But it does help to get a course in social skills so at least you can have the right way to do things in the back of your head as opposed to just messing up and having no clue. I spent about three years messing up till I started to get a grasp on myself. Also watching people and studying the way NTs act and sorta picking up on that helps too.

At university I was picked to conduct ethnographic observations on how freshmen students developed study techniques and socializing skills. I was considered a natural for the project because I spent most of my weekends either alone or sitting in a corner at a party writing notes on how people socialised (I was not exactly the life of the party). For those unfamiliar with ethnographic observation, it frequently involves observing social interactions by immersing yourself amongst the participants. Jane Goodall was famous for ethnographic observations of chimpanzees and apes (I can assure you college freshmen are not much different).

My experience writing notes and referring to them later helped me to at least identify behaviour patterns. Mimicking those behaviours, however, proved far more difficult than I imagined. I have never mastered the art of socialising. I will discuss the scientific elements of socialising and the development of rhetoric in a technological social environment to no end. (Note: Like standing in a corner writing notes about social interaction, discussing rhetorical theory will not make you the life of the party either.)

I am strongly inclined to use scientific observations and test studies to learn social skills. But I have to admit it is a matter of trial and error (more error than trial).

The most social skills I learned by talking on Ventrilo to people also Ventrilo helped my stuttering problem I have.

When I re-learn them, I'll let you know.

Lets see:
My parents constantly correcting and nagging me
My friends picking on me when I screwed up
Watching tv and emulating what the people on tv said and did
Some of the special education teachers who thought I was odd
Watching the other kids in school interacting with oneanother
Learning not to say or do something ever again when I got a negative response
Learning to laugh when others laugh and be mad when everyone else is mad
Following the sage advice of Monkey see, Monkey do