Asperger Meltdowns

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Just saying that I know a LOT of NTs who cannot control their emotions either. I haven't seen any scientific data suggesting that lack of emotional control is contributed to Asperbergs so perhaps my bad. I DO see that there are a LOT of people with Aspergers who develop other emotional disorders though....

I start to get an uncontrollable frustrated feeling and the trigger is usually a something very minor and then I am feeling like I am being pulled in too many different directions-for example this happened this past weekend-drove into the city I am looking for a parking garage that I usually use and cant remember where it was so I am on the phone with a friend who knows where it is but is asking me me where are you now and I am on a cellphone lost in a city telling him where I am at this intersection and he asks which way are you going and I am telling him and I have people walking in front of me trying to see where I am and people blowing the horn and it keeps getting more and more complex and I got overloaded real fast-all I wanted to know was the address I could put into the GPS and I get ambiguous statements about did you pass this place and there is a 7 eleven on the corner and did you pass the holiday inn yet-oh boy I just wanted to get to the parking garage-luckily the other person with me was an aspie also and knew how to not try and defuse the situation as any attempt to defuse it would have made it much worse.

I think I'm almost always having a meltdown, honestly.

I have good control over my emotions during times where I feel calm, but when I have a meltdown or what ever you might call it I flip out and panic and feel absolutly no control over my emotions what so ever.

It seems that EVERYONE is capable of having a meltdown. I've seen supposedly rational people suddenly "flip out" and do the craziest things in fits of anger, sadness, etc. Or cry endlessly when pressure got too great. It's hard to define things like this when even in a community like this everyone has different ways of "losing it".
I had something happen to me real recently, though, that seemed the worse it ever had been for me. I heard something from another person concerning my fiance ( a bad thing), and I can't even explain what happened fully. I tried to run out in front of cars ( was pulled back by someone), then tried to choke him. I couldn't seem to help myself, it was like I was posessed by demons. I was screaming and crying the whole time, could not stop. Normally I fold in on myself when I can't handle things, but this was much worse. Afterwards, I was shocked by what I had done. He's ok and so am I. What if you not only lose your emotions but also lose control of yourself totally? What is that called? And how do I keep this from ever happening again ( for both our safeties)? *note--- I was already in a not-so-great mood when this situation began.

I think I have only had a meltdown a few times-once was when I stuck in an isolated place for a holiday with the family, snowed in to be precise, and not able to see any peers or have any freedom or control over what was happening.I was so hungry and there was so little food,all I had was a supply of nuts and crackers, and I didn't have anyone to talk to. I sat in the closet and cried and people were looking for me, and my mother discovered me there. It has happened often on family holidays, too many people around, too much noise, people getting intoxicated, limited privacy and no control on my part. So I've had to ask ahead to make sure I have my own room,which sounds selfish to my family,but that's what I need.

I have yet to really figure out if there is a pattern. But, there's got to be 'cos everything has a pattern, right? Yeah, well... usually my blowouts are preceeded by a period of awkard, extended silence (maybe lasting hours) and then WHAMMO! It's like the velocity of each word coming out of my mouth could punch holes in walls. And, it is usually a stream of comments and loosely knit theories or observations. I can tell they've occurred by the looks on peoples faces after I've let all the wind out of my sails.

There are times I have control of my emotions, if you'd call it that, b/c rather it's a numb robotic-ness which I actually prefer a lot of the times b/c I'm NOT melting down and feeling intense pain/etc....but when I get upset enough to have a meltdown (and sensory stuff alone is not enough for me to totally fall of the cliff, it has to involve people--being mean to me or something or me being totally misunderstood), but I'll cry, scream, and hurt myself. It's so hard to control. I've left scars from cutting or scratching myself so I try to channel it now into something else like hitting myself just b/c that doesn't leave scars, just bruises, although I did almost break my wrist last time when I slammed it on the corner of a wall...it's really scary. I know I look psycho, which only makes me feel MORE horrible, but I really can't help it. Then I hyperventilate until I eventually can get myself back up out of the rabbit hole again.

I don.t know the thing that i have is actually a meltdown, but i can be very angry one in three month cycle,
When it begins i am already stressed and every little thing can inflame my anger.
I behave very childish,throe things at the floor yelling,sometimes i bite in my own hand.
And in some ocaasions i have actually destroyed my own glasses
Luckily i never hurt anyone besides myself
After i l lie on the bed for a few hours.
I feel afterwards very ashamed of myself

wow- really interesting. ive actually never considered what triggers mine- i am so dim sometimes. fascinating to read everyone else's...

worst ones i had were when i lived at home- from full on (yes, in public ) screaming incoherantly at my parents, screaming abuse at them, hitting them, and myself. as a teenager, this was pretty bad. id also flounce out of the sitting room if someone came in to watch tv (we had a big house, so it was often empty). its hard to express- its the feelign of walls closing in on you, and your blood boiling, bubbling in your veins, and your arms shaking as you try to prevent yourself beating someone to death.
what a joy i was to be around.
at that time, it was mainly due to being around other people too much- the most acute aspect of my AS.

now- either sensory probs- NOSIE is the second worst thing i have issues with- i cry, shake, then if its too bad, or goes on too long, collapse and have a shut down, or go the other way and scream and hit my head...

or just general life stuff. while out, it will be just general rudeness and nastiness, but when ill get home- it'll be as above, shutdown or smashing my head, screaming, crying. being out is pretty hard as there are far too many people who walk slowly, or change direction as they walk for me to remain calm. aparently i look constantly furious- which is how i feel really.

obviously, i feel an utter moron afterwards. im always having to stay away from shops for 6 months as im too embaressed to go back...

My meltdowns vary. Sometimes they are a short outburst bEcause something is overhelming me in the moment, and I'll just yell or hit myself for a few seconds. This happened just a few days ago when I was having an argument with my parents and they wouldn't give me a straight answer over something, then I was trying to talk and my dad kept interrupting me and he was talking loud, so I snapped for just a few seconds and started hitting myself.
Then sometimes I'm just overloaded from things happning around me or stress or whatever and I go into a shutdown mode for awhile. With this I just don't say much, feel sort of depressed, and kind of disconnect.. That's the only way I can explain it.
Then there's the really big meltdowns. Sort of like the first one I mentioned except it's longer and it takes more than just being overloaded in a moment to do it. A situation I feel trapped in or I can't cope with will do it, usually with over aggrevating factors present. These can vary in severity. On the lower severity level it can be some crying while having a few intermittant outbursts of hitting or biting myself, or hitting objects, and not being able to think straight. On the more severe level it's more crazy.. The most severe ones are rare, but it's like it's mixed with a sort of rage. What happened at work for example... A regular meltdown was when I kicked that thing at work that I got fired for... A severe meltdown was what it escalated to when they actually fired me. I really wanted to hurt myself, and I cut arm with a razor in front of the managers there(required 20 stitches) yelled at them, threw a bloody paper towel at the police officer when he came, hit myself, cussed everyone, insulted everyone while babbling on probably somewhat incoherently(they were holding me in the room and wouldn't let me get away at this point). I felt a sort of rage toward everyone in that room. When my Mom' came to get me the officer suggested to her that I be committed.
Because of that big one, my psych just put me on lamictal, a mood stabilizer, to help with the meltdowns. I hope it works.