Do you talk?

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I talk a lot here on WP. I don't talk much in person partly because I get my thoughts out slowly and others just move so fast I can't keep up and they move on. So, I'm very quiet.

I was selectively mute until I was 5 or so. Other people's speech also goes to gibberish so that I have to watch their mouths if there's any extra noise. I didn't know to watch mouths until I was a teenager, so there was a long span where I just looked at people wondering what language they were speaking. That made me quiet.

I think I know what you are referring to. I usually talk to my family members (including the dog), my friends and the people I am working with on some study project or other. Apart from that there's an additional "Thank you" or "Mind that step" or things like that when I'm dealing with people I do not know that well.

I move onto a kind of middle ground when I'm around people I don't consider friends, but who are not strangers either. In most cases those are the people living in our village or friends of my parents. For occasions like that I have developed some smalltalk skills and I manage to get a hold on myself where talking too much on a subject not interesting for everybody present is concerned.

If you don't feel the need to make smalltalk, that's okay. Even some NTs don't enjoy smalltalk and feel uneasy in situations where it is expected of them. Nevertheless there are some situations when smalltalk is expected, e.g. in a workplace environment. Try to figure out some appropiate topics that you feel okay to talk about, so you are prepared for those moments. I find it helpful to have a number of stories, about half a dozen or so, that remain on my "smalltalk list" for some weeks and that I use during that time whenever I feel in need of a conversation topic. You can use the same story several times with different people.

Topics that are commonly considered appropiate for smalltalk include the weather, pets, other peoples' (and your own) children and family members, current news (expecially local politics) and events like art exhibitions or fairs. Just to help you to figure out what can be safely used to fill the akward silences in a conversation.

I had the same thing growing up, people said I was shy and I guess that's how it looked. For me I don't talk a lot, but often in conversations when I do have something to say I can't figure out the timing of it all, and the moment passes with me staying quiet. I've got a quiet voice and it seems like people just run right into each other's sentences.

If I'm stressed or nervous, I talk for hours with my mother. But I frequently repeat what I've already said over and over again.
Among people, I never talk. It's not due to shyness, but I have difficulties knowing what to say, when to say things, and I usually live in my own world.

I am mute when I am in an environment full of loud, chatty NTs around my age - but when somebody asks me a question, I answer just like a NT.
That isn't good though because then they look at me and probably think, ''she spoke! All this time she's sat there really quietly, but someone has just asked her a question and she's answered like we would, then she can't be that shy! She must just be normal but unfriendly! She's a fat lot of good then!''

And they're probably right. A normal shy person (but generally friendly) would sit quietly then when they did talk it would be a normal answer but in a quiet, shy voice. But when I answer somebody, I answer in a loud confident voice - then go back to being really shy and mute again. Ohh, I hate myself for that!! !

I talk, and I try to have conversations with people around me, but most of the time I don't know what to say, and I feel very awkward. I've read in other topics too where people suggested having prepared topics to talk about. I think that's a great idea and I try to do that s little bit, but most of the time I can't even find topics to do that with. Even here n WP, I read a lot more topics than I actually reply to.

Things you can use to keep a conversation going do not have to be actually relevant or particularly interesting. Most of the time others will help you by picking up the topic you offered and adding to that or switching to a related topic. Just take a look what is going on in your house/family/social group and try to find something that won't be considered embarrassing to anyone involved. I tell lots of people about how our dog caried that really big stick through most of my last long walk with him, how that dog jumped up on the couch to curl up in my mother's lap, about how the dog almost fell down the stairs because he was going much to quickly... This will lead to people telling about their pets or about how their sister almost fell down the stairs the other day or about how they need to buy some new cushions for their couch... This kind of conversation tends to be pretty random, but usually people enjoy it nevertheless.

I started talking more these last few years. I didn't talk much at school or at work. I'd sometimes wonder when I last talked. At work I'm still reminded that I used to never talk, which isn't true, I did literally talk, just not much. When I first started working they joked how I'd only give "yes", "no", type answers. At one point I recall repeating the words this guy said to. I'm not sure how much I did that, maybe just once, but all that came out of my mouth was his words, ha. Now I talk a little more at work with some co-workers but I don't seem to have conversations in the same way I see others do. If I were to be with the co-workers that I do sort of talk with outside of the work environment I would be very uncomfortable and I do wonder what that's about.

I can talk with family and sometimes a lot. But I go off into my head as well. It feels better saying things a little bit more these days but conversations often don't interest me very much. I like being in my head but I think it might be better for me to try and get out of it a little bit more.

Last edited by Jediscraps on 21 Nov 2010, 3:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I talk too much for some people.

That's exactly how I am! Often when that happens, then people will actually say, "Hey! He said something! Hey everybody, did you hear that! He has a voice!" Which makes me never want to talk to them again.


Thanks, FluffyDog. I'll try to keep that in mind, though I generally feel that my stories are only interesting to me. XD Like how I hate when people ask me what I did over the weekend, because it's never anything interesting to anyone but me. I do manage sometimes, I guess when the other person offers a topic that I know/care about or asks me a question.

And thanks, everyone, for your replies. It makes me feel better that I'm not alone, even if you aren't exactly the same as me.

Only when spoken to, most of the time. And even then, I respond about 80% of the time.

Sometimes I talk, sometimes not. I don't like talking to new people. I like lecturing. I don't always like to tell people about stuff that has happened. If I am interested in something from a sales paper, instead of telling someone what it is, I show them the paper and let it explain. Whenever I can let a picture do the talking, I choose that, unless I feel all lecturey. Nothing is funner than a good lecture.

I've had a bad experience with that. Once I went to a concert by an artist I was currently obsessing over, and had a CD signed by the them. I wanted to show it to a friend, so I pulled it out of my bag and held it out proudly to him, intending to convey, "Look what I got!" But he interpreted it as, "Look, I got you a gift!" and took it from me, saying, "Thanks! This is awesome!" Of course then I felt like I couldn't correct him without being rude, so it was lost.

I've never had that happen because I am quick to make sure whomever I am showing something to knows that it isn't me giving them a gift, it's me showing them something. Like, when someone backed into my car in a parking lot leaving this little dent. I showed it to my mom without telling her anything first because I didn't want her to freak out thinking the car was really damaged. The damage is miniscule and I got the insurance information from the driver and everything. I thought it was better to just show and not explain in that case.
When it's a gift I make sure it's in a gift bag or wrapped.

For me thinking is talking. Sometimes I talk out loud to myself, Most of the time I talk internally.

ruveyn

thinking is talking, and part of AS "openness", which NT doesn't get, is the how the quality and integrity of the "inner" dialog is reflected outward
i can actually hear and see how other people struggling inside and be considerate but unfortunately other people can never hear me thinking so for them being polite is all about saying hello and good morning and shake hands
I'm labeled as lacking of empathy just because i have to much of that stuff