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NT: "Take care of your Autism problem."

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nilescrane
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21 Nov 2010, 12:22 pm

Jono wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
Shadi2 wrote:
I just thought of something else ... he could have perceived you as whiny just because you were talking openly about some issues, just like we do here, except they are not used to it at this other site and/or they don't want to hear about it.

And if the only thing you said was that you have Aspergers, it definitely doesn't qualify as whiny, its called telling the truth.

Shadi


That's the thing, I wasn't whining. I've been guilty of whining before on this site at times, but on the dating site, I just mentioned I had Aspergers and how that makes it even more difficult than an average guy. And what he meant wasn't changing the symptoms...the way he phrased it was that "Take care of those Autism problems" like the Autism itself can be cured.


Don't mention that you have AS on dating sites. Only bring it up after you meet. People have pre-conceptions about what that means. I've also heard of guy's who mention AS on dating sites get replies back from women who would "prefer someone with more empathy".


You seem to be misunderstanding lol. This is a dating advice site for men, one of those pick-up artist sites. My mistake for not clarifying.



Jono
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21 Nov 2010, 12:24 pm

nilescrane wrote:
Jono wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
Shadi2 wrote:
I just thought of something else ... he could have perceived you as whiny just because you were talking openly about some issues, just like we do here, except they are not used to it at this other site and/or they don't want to hear about it.

And if the only thing you said was that you have Aspergers, it definitely doesn't qualify as whiny, its called telling the truth.

Shadi


That's the thing, I wasn't whining. I've been guilty of whining before on this site at times, but on the dating site, I just mentioned I had Aspergers and how that makes it even more difficult than an average guy. And what he meant wasn't changing the symptoms...the way he phrased it was that "Take care of those Autism problems" like the Autism itself can be cured.


Don't mention that you have AS on dating sites. Only bring it up after you meet. People have pre-conceptions about what that means. I've also heard of guy's who mention AS on dating sites get replies back from women who would "prefer someone with more empathy".


You seem to be misunderstanding lol. This is a dating advice site for men, one of those pick-up artist sites. My mistake for not clarifying.


OK, my mistake.



Last edited by Jono on 21 Nov 2010, 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MollyTroubletail
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21 Nov 2010, 12:34 pm

There is no mystery to this. That guy just didn't understand what Aspergers means and thought it could be medicated or got rid of through therapy. It was simply an ignorant comment based on erroneous assumptions.



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21 Nov 2010, 3:27 pm

I can't take care of my autism problem - the problem only arises when I deal with other people, and society generally frowns upon mass murder...


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Jono
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21 Nov 2010, 3:51 pm

DeaconBlues wrote:
I can't take care of my autism problem - the problem only arises when I deal with other people, and society generally frowns upon mass murder...


No, we can't get rid of our autism but we can try to improvise by improving our social skills so as to appear superficially "normal". If this is one of those PUA sites then that's what this person probably meant. Of course, once you get a date and start having a relationship, the autism will start becoming more apparent to the other person. You can't pretend to be NT forever.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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21 Nov 2010, 4:11 pm

nilescrane wrote:
I'm on a men's dating advice site and when I revealed I had aspergers I got a private message from a guy saying something like "I thought you were just being whiny, but part of me suspected. My advice is, take care of whatever your autism problems are first before doing anything."

Are there are a lot of ignorant NTs like this and have Jenny McCarthyesque "It can be cured" opinions? Not to mention that I don't view autism as a problem, other than lacking common sense in certain situations and not always blending in with the general public.

Unfortunately for us A LOT of people share this belief and have this attitude. It's not an all embracing "that's cool" world out there, so you have to be really careful about who you reveal your Autism to. If the person seems understanding go ahead and talk about it. Over the internet, folks can be very judgmental.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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21 Nov 2010, 5:49 pm

Sounds like he thinks autism is a psychological problem, like a phobia or something. IOW, "get some psychotherapy and get that all fixed up." Also, maybe he has an extreme case of "all problems are to be 'overcome' (rather than managed, since some of them can't be dealt that way)."



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21 Nov 2010, 9:06 pm

nilescrane wrote:
Shadi2 wrote:
I just thought of something else ... he could have perceived you as whiny just because you were talking openly about some issues, just like we do here, except they are not used to it at this other site and/or they don't want to hear about it.

And if the only thing you said was that you have Aspergers, it definitely doesn't qualify as whiny, its called telling the truth.

Shadi


That's the thing, I wasn't whining. I've been guilty of whining before on this site at times, but on the dating site, I just mentioned I had Aspergers and how that makes it even more difficult than an average guy. And what he meant wasn't changing the symptoms...the way he phrased it was that "Take care of those Autism problems" like the Autism itself can be cured.


Well as I thought he was just clueless then, and I am being very nice when I say "clueless", to be honest I thought he was a jerk and he should take care of his own issues instead of judging you.


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Shadi2
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21 Nov 2010, 9:09 pm

nilescrane wrote:
My brother works at a supermarket and said there was a donation thing for autism and some rich housewife said to her husband "Maybe if we donate, we'll get lucky and won't have a kid with Autism" and even the husband said "Um I don't think that's the way it works."


Some people are so stupid lol her husband was smarter then her for sure.


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League_Girl
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21 Nov 2010, 10:17 pm

Shadi2 wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
My brother works at a supermarket and said there was a donation thing for autism and some rich housewife said to her husband "Maybe if we donate, we'll get lucky and won't have a kid with Autism" and even the husband said "Um I don't think that's the way it works."


Some people are so stupid lol her husband was smarter then her for sure.



Maybe she is one of those people who believes in karma and if you don't do bad things, bad things won't happen to you. So to her, donating to autism is a good thing and as a reward she won't end up with an autistic child if she is lucky.

I honestly think the whole karma thing is stupid because bad things can happen to anyone. Anyone can end up with an autistic child.


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21 Nov 2010, 10:18 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
Message him back and tell him he needs to take care of his ass hole problem before he begins dating.


Nice one! :D


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nilescrane
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21 Nov 2010, 10:52 pm

I've done all I can as far as improving the way I come off to others. Up until a couple years ago, I slouched (and had intense face/facial expressions on top of it) which caused either ridicule or people feeling uncomfortable in my presence.

I improved my posture and don't walk around with a "the world is out to get me" look. My very extroverted NT ex-friend (the one I made a post about) always used to comment on my body language, but he's also one of those super-extroverts, judgmental, and not used to people that aren't exactly like him. For the most part, I hardly ever see random people noticing me for bad reasons in public anymore except when I was in bars on vacation.

As far as being awkward around women I'm dating or people I'm hanging out with, it's a long time to get used to someone the way I'm used to my parents or my brother and be THAT comfortable as if there is no awkwardness at all. I talked to my ex online for a month before we met, and knew she was non-judgmental, and still was nervous on our first few dates. In other words, I can't do the whole "fake being NT" thing. At best, I can be the nerdy NT (which I have no problem with) which is basically the same thing...awkward is awkward no matter how you slice it.

A woman is going to think either I'm shy/awkward/nervous or if she's seen it before, know there's possible mild autism. I've come to terms with that a long time ago. Thus, why I look up to Niles Crane of all people because he reminds me of myself in a lot of ways...awkward, tall, skinny, well-dressed, likes the fine things in life. And he found a match in Daphne...a pretty girl with a weird personality, so there is hope.



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22 Nov 2010, 1:57 am

Well, you can take care of autism-related problems, but taking care of autism itself would require a brain transplant. :roll:


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