What will your whole life be if you don't have ASD?

Post Reply New Topic

I've been thinking about this very deeply, and I've decided to be realistic. I'm not going to just write what all of you would expect to ead on this thread: ''I would be completely different to what I am, I would be very outgoing and loud and perfect'', because that is not necessarily true. I'd probably still have the same personality, because my AS hasn't really affected my personality really. That's why I get on so well with NTs, and have a few men after me (NT men). And I still would probably get anxious over things, because my mum does, (and she's NT), so I would have probably inherited that, whether I'm an Aspie or not. And I will probably be a shy NT, because I come from a shy family. This miht not be necessarily true, but it's what I'm predicting (after all, I'm only answering the question of the thread).

BUT,

...in other ways, I will most probably be different to what I am. I will probably have more friends, because even shy NTs still seem to have that knack with finding friendships (not always keeping them - I know lots of NTs who have fall outs with others). My brother is NT, but he's very shy, but he still knows the social cues.
But I'll probably be wearing make-up, because I do actually want to wear make-up but because of my Dyspraxia, I find it so hard to put make-up on, and I just end up getting it all over the place, no matter how much I try. Also I would love the hairstyle what all the other youngsters have, but again, I find it hard to groom myself, so I just can't be arsed to get motivated with all of that. But, then again, some NT girls don't care for make-up and hairstyles either.
I think I would love shopping if I was NT, because I would be able to block all the crowds out and just concentrate on actually focusing on the items, like everyone else does.
Also, I would have got a job by now, because if I was NT I wouldn't have been panicking and worrying about not being able to persue my special interests because of a job. My special interest is buses (and some of the gorgeous drivers!), so I have to get a job where I can catch this bus every day, then I will be happy. NTs can have special interests too, but if I was NT and I fancied bus-drivers, I still wouldn't let it take over my life because I would be able to put my employment abilities first, and I would be more able to push my special interest to the back of my mind easier. Plus I would have more friends to think about, so I would not need a special interest to keep me from feeling lonely.
What else? Ah yes - the meltdowns. Yes, NTs can get angry and throw things in a temper, and lash out at people, but I don't think I would have meltdowns like I do. Snow causes me to have meltdowns because I hate snow (for lots of reasons but I won't list all those down here), but if I was a NT who hated snow, I would probably be able to push that worry to the back of my mind more, and worry more about it when the time actually comes (and without having a meltdown because meltdowns wouldn't come naturally to me, like they do with the real me).
What else? Oh, would I be getting so jealous of other people if I was NT? Would I be getting horribly jealous when one of my family members gets chatted up by a bloke if I was NT? I don't think so.
Also....oh, so many things to list! But the biggest part of all - loud noises. It would be heaven to live through a whole life without being on edge with loud noises. Yes, NTs don't like loud noises, nobody does, but I don't think noise would worry me as much if I were NT.

Life will be so much easier being a NT! f**k sake, why can't I be NT?????! !! !! !! !! !! !

It's hard to picture situations that don't exist. It's also hard to figure out, since being autistic is related to so many parts of me in so many ways, that they would leave big gaping holes to fill in (with information I don't have) if they were just ripped out.

I dont know what it is like not to have AS, but if I had to quess. I would have probably done better in college, got a good job, have a family and lived my life completely unaware of the suffering of having a disability. In some ways, I think that having AS makes me more whole in that I am more compassionate for those who suffer internally, but it has taken so much from me, not that it has but that the NT structured world is not very flexible for those with neuro-differences. Things are kinda stamped out in NT cookie cutter systems.

That's easy.

I would, more than likely, have actually ACCOMPLISHED something worthwhile with my life.

But then, I have to say I've just recently learned how much of an impact ADD has also had on me. Turns out my ADD is really serious. Add spectrum issues into that, especially the specific issues I have, and it's a recipe for failure.

I used to think I would never want to be cured of all that I have going on. I'm not so cock sure of that anymore. I once thought I knew what a wreck my life was. Then I started to think it wasn't so bad. Now, I KNOW what a wreck it is, and I would never wish this crap on ANYONE.

Neither ADD, nor AS are anything I'm "proud" to have anymore. They both SUCK, are NOT fun, and neither have added anything tangibly positive to my life.

Don't get me wrong. My life doesn't suck entirely. There is a lot in my life I'm very thankful for. But none of it can be attributed to having AS or ADD. The positive things in my life would have come without them both. And a lot of other positive things would have too, if NOT for them.

I am now of the firm opinion that those who believe they are proud to have AS or any other disability, may really have the condition(s), but for them, it probably doesn't amount to a true disability at all. If you think AS is "cool" then it definitely isn't affecting your life the way it does mine. For me, it is NOT cool.

If you were to dig into posts I've made here over the past several months, you'll probably find statements from me that say otherwise, or at least appear to. Call that the "afterglow" of finally finding the explanation for everything that had been going wrong in my life if you will. Well, I've since "woken up" and realized that even though I have the explanations now, I STILL have the friggin' problems, and they are not any better than they ever were. Knowing why is great, for a while. Realizing that knowing the cause doesn't solve the problems, SUCKS.

Now the challenge is getting everyone else that matters to understand it, and help me deal with it, because there is no way I can do it on my own. That's a fact.

Different.

dp

I'm outa here. And I'm not coming back until that bouncing kid on the left side of my browser is gone.

I'd probably be on drugs and have so many STD's or at least be a very boring person. I would be fake and obsessed about what others thought about me. People say I should be a vet tech instead of a full fledged DVM becuase they think vet school will be too hard for me. If I was an NT, I don't think I would be able to that either., I would have listened to people who told me I am weird for caring about animals. I couldn't obsess about them and probably wouldn't be very smart. If I was NT, I think I would be someone else. The autism is who I am.

It's so annoying when Aspies think NTs can't be intelligent.

I wouldn't be anything like I am now, I'd likely spend my time drinking and smoking instead of making money.

I never understand questions like these. I am what I am because of my neurology and I cannot conceive of anything else. I can perhaps speculate on life as an NT, but it is nothing but a guess. If I were NT, none of my thoughts would be what they are today. My loves, hates, fears and aspirations would all be different. I would not be me. So I accept me, ASD and all, disliking much of what I endure, but fiercely clinging to my individuality. My worth is not in my neurology, but rather in how I choose to live.

Strange as it may sound, I sometimes LIKE my autistic brain. I am comfortable wrapped in the blanket of my thoughts, uncomfortable with the demands of a culture gone mad. There is place inside of me that no one else can go. If I choose to try, I can share it. But it is mine. It is a child smiling at the universe, lost in the purity of existence. It is not NT. Why would I give that up?

These days, where I come from, we're practically not allowed to have AS. Finding jobs is very, very difficult for me, and is exhausting, and because of my lack of confidence and lack of intelligence, it's so exhausting for me to look for jobs, also because of my severe anxiety disorder. And yes, I am looking for jobs, and I'm doing the best I can, and I've been taking training course to improve my confidence, but it's still hard for me, and the job center doesn't understand that. All they think is everyone in Britain are confident and willing to work anywhere as long as they're going to be earning money - and they don't stop and think of people with disabilities, who have certain difficulties like me.

So life would be a lot easier if I were NT, because I wouldn't be worrying about the change to my life what jobs bring, and I would be able to endure dealing with customers, and so on. So I wish I was NT!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

I'd ratehr not be normal. I've learned to accept everything, including myself. I love myself and I bet I'd less eccentric if I was an NT so, no. It's defined me as a musician and a human being and both those sides of me are pretty awesome I must say.

As a NT I probably would have had a wife and some kids. My parents had money set aside for me to go to college but I never went because I thought since I was in special education courses in school college it would have been too dificult for me so I never even thought of going to college. It broke my parent's hearts that I did not go. The funny thing is the doctor who did my diagnosis said I am not learning disabled and should not have been in special education. I might go for an experimental animation degree if I can get off my lazy ass to get a good portfolio ready for show to get into CalArts if I am good enough.

As above, I see speculation as pointless. If I didn't have the Aspergers qualities I have now, I would be a very different person.

Would I have more friends? Probably. Would I be more "normal" (whatever that means)? Probably. Would I have an easier time in social interactions? Probably.

Would I be a happier person? Who knows.

It would be very dull and boring.