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Are you looked down on by family members

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Shadwell
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04 Dec 2010, 10:39 am

Aspieallien wrote:
Hi all

I have always been looked down on by both my sisters. I have always been treated as if I was different and wasn't as worthy as they were. They always knew I was different to them but never knew why as it was only recently I was diagnosed AS. Even to this day I am still treated with the same disrespect as when I was a child, as if in their mind I still am. My parents obviously favour one of my sisters which clearly comes across in the way they treat me compared to her. If I mention it to them of course to my face they totally deny it. The truth is though that I have really acheived a lot of things, with a higher level of difficulty because of my AS, but that dosn't matter she is looked up to and always given a higher priority over me. This really hurts me to the core to the point that I do feel unworthy and start to believe I am. I really try to be positive but this really gets me down as I carry it with me and dwell on it a lot.


Has anyone else experienced this and how should I deal with it, should I make my feelings clear to my family or ignore it and seek support elsewhere.


Yes, I know what you mean. My parents are dead. My grandparents treated me with a lot more respect. All that's left of my immediate family is my grandpa and my brother and I've always had similar issues with my brother that you have to your sister. We are both intelligent and artistically capable people. He's has been more organized in his life and achieved a good job. He has provided me with little to no spiritual support, and recently has tried to talk me of not going into art therapy or art in general. Frankly, I don't think he even likes me. A person needs support and it hurts when the people who are supposed to give you the most don't. I would like to be able to shrug off feelings of worthlessness but its not easy. I think it would be a good idea to communicate to them how you feel. If you see a therapist you could ask for their advice of whats the best way of going about it. I think wrong planet will always love you in the meantime.



Ariela
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04 Dec 2010, 10:57 am

My younger sister, whom I normally don't get along with, told my grandmother she would like to "take care of me" when my parents die. She'll let me live in her house, work in her business etc.



Kaybee
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04 Dec 2010, 11:46 am

On the contrary, many of them look up to me. Clear evidence that they do not know me very well. :lol:


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Mindslave
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04 Dec 2010, 1:15 pm

I'm looked down upon by them unless I'm doing what they want me to do, and being who they want me to be. My family has no identity, collective or individual, so they don't like me because I have one. They all conform to expected norms; I don't. They want me to be more like what society wants me to be, and I want them to leave me alone and shut the hell up. My distrust of authority figures, as with most people like this, started with my family members. I did enough experiments to determine that they didn't know what they were talking about, and by the time I was a junior in high school, I stopped listening to their self-serving advice, and I've grown as a person ever since.



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04 Dec 2010, 1:50 pm

Parents, brother and grandparents? No. Everyone else? Yes.



Aspieallien
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04 Dec 2010, 4:46 pm

Shadwell wrote:
A person needs support and it hurts when the people who are supposed to give you the most don't. I would like to be able to shrug off feelings of worthlessness but its not easy. I think it would be a good idea to communicate to them how you feel. If you see a therapist you could ask for their advice of whats the best way of going about it. I think wrong planet will always love you in the meantime.



This is what has hurt me the most, the feeling that I am unworthy,or second in the pile. Not at all somthing you can shrug off, it stays with you. I blame my sister for this most of all, she always had to be at the top at all costs. My parents did do a lot of great things for me, and I think they did their best for me. I have forgiven them, which I think is important. But I can't shake off the way I feel when they always favour my sister and put her at the top. It seems to have become an accepted family dynamic. I think MollyTroubletail is right, I really think I need to make a point of standing up straight away in certain situations when I am looked down on. It seems I need to teach people how to treat me, and that I deserve respect, perhaps this is the only way they will learn.


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superboyian
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04 Dec 2010, 4:49 pm

Quote:
Are you looked down on by family members?


I used up until something happened in the summer which involved huge dramas, since then it has been the complete opposite to the point that I'm actually looked up to, even my mum does now... I actually find that rather creepy tbh.

I would prefer to be looked down by elders which only my big sister does, but that is just the whole point in the first place.


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richardbenson
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04 Dec 2010, 6:24 pm

mgran wrote:
Yes, but it no longer bothers me.


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danandlouie
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04 Dec 2010, 10:16 pm

the extreme way to deal with family is to do what i did........left and never looked back. my situation was a bit more extreme than yours....well.....way more extreme. if things get so bad you've got to get away, it is possible.

i joined the air force at 17 and when i got out at 21 i remember standing outside the sfo airport with a duffelbag and the money i saved, and, being completely alone. no where to go and no one to see. i thought that was 'great'.

free at last-free at last.......to quote a great man.



CockneyRebel
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04 Dec 2010, 11:21 pm

The story continues...

Back in 1998, I was diagnosed with Depression and Psychosis. My mum told me that she didn't think the Mod thing was working for me and that I needed a counselor. She wanted to take my identity away from me and turn me into a typical woman. She talked me into buying feminine clothes that I never did wear. She also kept asking me what I ever wanted with horn rimmed glasses. She also gave me flack for being the way that I am. She got on my case for telling those younger girls that I hung out with, that I would not have sex, whatsoever. She didn't like that I grew up to be masculine and innocent, so she taunted me for turning out to be just like Mick Avory, saying how close I came to him 2 times under the same breath. I agree with her there, but with self pride. She was embarassed that I was masculine, sensitive and innocent. She wanted me to be a mentally tough sex kitten.

My dad stated the obvious to me between 1996 and the time that I moved out in 2006. He'd state facts to me that I knew at the age of 6, because he confused AS with having an Intellectual Disability. Maybe he didn't see himself doing that deliberatly, but I saw it differently. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten those horn rimmed glasses. I should have been honest with the eye specialists. Maybe it would have been better for my natural looks to shine through.

That's enough for now.


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