Are aspies bad at replying to communication?

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Uh, I have no problem with responding to communication. I dislike the obligation to respond to certain things, like sending a thank-you note when someone gives me a gift, but generally speaking, I'm good at responding to emails and things.

Huh?











Sorry, I just had to.

I will respond to e-mails/ texts/ PMs more often than not as I've learned over time that a response is generally expected in those situations. When I don't respond, there can be a couple of reasons, and they're virtually never personal. There are generally a couple of possible reasons.

(1) I read the message when my mind was occupied with something else, and it didn't occur to me to write a response.

(2) I read the message at a time when I didn't have the mental energy to write a response, and I meant to get to it later, but forgot. The next time I remembered the response I was supposed to write, I was in the middle of something and meant to get to it when I got the chance, but by the time I had the chance to respond, I had forgotten again. Time kept on passing as the cycle repeated itself indefinitely.

The second reason occurs more often than I care to admit.
In a more "public" space, such as an internet forum, I'm far worse about responding. For instance, in this forum, on the rare occasion someone actually responds to something I write, I find that I usually fail to acknowledge it in any way. That has never once been personal in this forum. If you respond to something I write, and I don't acknowledge it in any way, all that means is that I can't think of anything to say and don't know how to keep the conversation going. That's pretty typical for me on internet forums, and IRL as well. I'm not so great at knowing whether or not I should be trying to keep a conversation going, or how to go about doing that in those situations when I should.
Anyway, the most likely reason for the lack of response in the situation described by the OP is the first one I mentioned, at least if the aspie in question is anything like me.
Those are my long winded thoughts, in any case.

I am. Can't speak for us all.

There is a reason why an autistic person is autistic. We usually have poor communication skills and something called 'social blindness.' Social rules do not come naturally to us. Some of of have a hard time even picking them up with a lot of experience.

My sister's friend made a big lasagna and some friends and I ate it before my sister and friend came home. I didn't see this as rude. I was famished anyway and if I don't eat at 6pm I'm going to become distressed. This was 3 hours after I would eat dinner too. But my sister was furious.

That's just one example of me not getting it.

I could go into a very long detailed process of under connectivity in the social network in the brain in autism. It's why we have face blindness, why we don't look at eyes and have some type of bond with that person and why we feel better on our own.

When I get sms' wishing me happy birthday I don't reply to them. I may reply to an e-mail but usually don't on Facebook. I will say thank you in my status. I used to struggle saying thank you to people or even goodbye.

So it's either a case of not knowing it's polite to reply or because being courteous doesn't phase us.
I know some things are rude to say but you either get me saying nothing or saying what I want. I do try to be polite sometimes.

I only respond to things when a response is absolutely necessary. For a Happy Birthday... no, I wouldn't respond.

I'm actually not too bad when it comes to replying but I'm sometimes abit slow at that.
But then again, I took to a lot of people all at once so I don't know if that counts?

No, that actually wouldn't occur to me... What would be the point of replying to something like that? I thought I had all this social stuff down by now, but i guess not :p

I am extremely bad at responding to emails, voicemails etc. I usually explain to my friends that just because I don't respond to them right away doesn't mean I don't like them. I'm just off on a vacation inside my head and I'll get back to them when I return.

I'm not sure if that's a typo or on purpose, but automagically is my new favorite word!

Back on topic: I usually respond to texts or facebook messages quickly, because only my friends and immediate family can contact me there, and it's usually something relevant to me ("wanna go get some lunch?" "can you help me with this homework question?" "do you need any groceries?")

Emails are usually hit or miss with me. Everybody has my email address. I rarely receive personal emails, just junk and newsletters mostly. I don't check my email often, so by the time I see that I have a personal email, it's usually past the deadline for a timely response so I just ignore it.

I hate talking on the phone. Calling me and seeing whether or not I will answer is a good gauge of how much I actually like a person. I will answer for my mom, one grandparent, one aunt, one uncle, and my closest friends. Other people I will text back. If I miss a call and you don't leave a message I will assume you didn't actually need to talk to me. If you do leave a message I may or may not call you back, depending on the context and content of the message.

On the birthday/thank you note thing, I'm horrible with that. I just don't really see the point. If they gave a present and require a thank you, it's not so much a gift as an obligation. I will say thank you in person, but my mom practically had to threaten me to get me to write thank you notes after graduation. I especially don't see the point in saying it in person and then having to write a note. Does the one in person not count? So I would let your friend off the hook on this one. I'm sure the happy birthday was appreciated.

Oh, I'm totally like this. I would reply, but I feel bad if I just say a one word "thanks".

Oh, I'm totally like this. I would reply, but I feel bad if I just say a one word "thanks".

I cannot speak for anyone else, but I am an aspie and I am poor at keeping up with correspondence and the like.

completely agree.



not necessarily because .. here's my thought process here. the person said happy birthday because they meant it. i wouldn't think they're waiting for a response .. why would they? did they say it because they wanted to earn my gratification? or are they concerned the message got lost in the mail or in my email inbox or wherever it is and i never received it? sometimes i will say thank you - i truly feel gratitude that someone thought of me. but the idea that i might be expected to means that the "happy birthday" was just a ritualistic or required nicety in the first place .. and if that's the case, i would rather someone didn't say it.

this goes for email or text or something. in person i do try to come across as polite, so if anything i say 'thank you' far too often.

sometimes i type up my response to something and then before i post it i actually read some of the other responses and someone has already said what i was going to post, but has been clearer about it.

i think this is one of those times but i'll post it anyway.

Couldn't agree more.

I would also add I'm not likely to reply if I'm in a bad mood or feeling tired. When I'm tired my brain is slow and my reply might come out as 'tphkoyu' instead of 'thank you.' I would prefer to be refreshed (and somewhat medicated) to give a nice long reply. Sometimes it's too long.