How to tell someone socialising hurts

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I just say that being around too many people gives me a headache.

I agree; it is like an allergy. You can only eat it in moderation. I can have scrambled eggs for breakfast OR I can have eggnog. I can be polite to everyone I meet all day OR I can really talk to people for an hour. That also explains how and why it can differ-- maybe you see me for a weekend in the summer when I haven't eaten any eggs for weeks before, and you see me have them at every meal. You'll be surprised if you see me again in a couple of months with just as little context and I tell you I can't have eggs. You might not believe me if I told you I'm allergic. After all, you'd know I could eat them; you would have seen me do so.

But I really am being honest. And if you let me go about it my way, I can enjoy plenty of eggs. Carefully.

It's not "how to figure out that someone who is socializing is in pain." It's "how to explain to someone that socializing causes you pain."

It's draining. Very.

Trying so hard to conform to norms and behave as people want you to and not be seen as "different" or "weird".

After a funeral I had to go to sleep halfway through idle chitchat between family and friends of the person who died, because the strain and draining of the chitchat was too much.

It takes a huge amount of energy to try to be normal, constantly vigilant about all the little things I'm doing, how I'm sitting/standing, etc. And if someone talks to me, most of the time I feel like there's just nothing there to say. Surely there must be something to say, because other people say it, but I just can't dig it out of my head. I end up totally forgetting really simple words, so I sound like an idiot and get even more anxious. And not only that but if I'm trying to listen to what one person is saying to me and other people are talking nearby, it's a real challenge to hear anything at all.

I can handle socializing with one person at a time in a quiet place okay, but the thing I said about constant vigilance is still true even then.

I find that coming up with white lies beforehand works. If you're uncomfortable with lying, think of it this way: if the people in your lives are being inconsiderate enough to force you to socialize, why not be inconsiderate back by being dishonest? Tit for tat, I say. It helped me get through my father's 60th birthday party at this noisy restaurant. I stayed for only an hour, and then was able to excuse myself. Plus, in very large social settings, it's easy to slip in and out unnoticed.
For the most part, I find that letting others think you're a busy person is the trick. You can then get away with only staying somewhere for a small amount of time. In my case, I happen to be a musician, so I simply let others think I'm busier than I really am.
Often, just making an appearance is enough to satisfy people.

It's only inconsiderate if they know the truth, which doesn't happen if you tell lies.