does anyone have a "refrigerator" mom?

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My mother is the opposite of that. "Toaster oven" mom maybe. She's extremely emotional and empathic. Even so, she was still blamed for my autism (diagnosed at the time as "psychotic from infancy and schizophrenic from childhood", I'd already been diagnosed with autism but was transferred to a facility full of psychoanalytic throwbacks who changed it), which at the time utterly devastated her because the professionals were so cruel to her.

Both of my parents are refrigerators-- though I was raised by a VERY loving and warm grandmother.

I believe both my parents have As traits, my father could be diagnosed.

I think there is some truth to the refrigerator mom theory if the mom herself has AS (which then, through genetics, is handed to the child). This isn't to say all people with AS are cold but the need for privacy, routine, quiet, and devotion to obsessive interests (other than the child) do not always translate well in terms of parenting skills.

You are born with autism.
Your mum could have some form of autism. People can learn to read people.
My mum is a bubbly, a bit immature but very caring woman who had four kids, one that is autistic (me).

Came across this article in passing while doing light(?) reading on Wikipedia.
One part really stood out: scroll to the segment about "Interactions with peers and family life." (Hilarious, though, the common musical preferences they listed )
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness

When I was three, my father got custody of me and I went to live with him and my stepmother out in the middle of nowhere. A very old town of less than a thousand people and I lived three miles out of town. I've been told that after the custody change I went from being a happy child to silent and bad habits came about. My father was always out on the road and my stepmother who did care about me wasn't really the best parent. Helped me with stuff like homework but didn't work with me in the right way when it comes to stuff like communication skills. The school I went to out there didn't help matters, I was under staff of abusive and neglecting teachers that bullied me for reporting being bullied. Eventually they put me in a room to sit facing the wall in a large room occupied by a tutor and random students and they didn't bother teaching me how to do the work.

After my mother got back full custody in the city when I was almost 12, she has sheltered me for years since. When I was going on 18, I still wasn't allowed to ride my bike anywhere beyond my block except if I was going to work, which was right down the road, when my brother was 11 and had been allowed to ride all around town since he was 8. My parents have brainwashed me into believing that nobody gives a damn, and as of the past couple weeks I'm doubting all of my friends when I previously never did. They've put down all of the friends I've ever had, telling me that they all just want to use me for s**t, and yet I'm getting invited to s**t like concerts, parties. So yeah.

Now my younger brother, who I've rarely gotten along with (after living away from my parents house for over a year which has brought us closer) keeps begging me to move back in because all of a sudden is now the victim of the s**t that I envied him for having freedom from for years. My parents (my mother mostly) have issues. Big time, obviously.

Also, a few weeks ago I went to my parents house which is nearby, because I was having breathing issues that came out of nowhere and I would have suffocated if not for my mother being a caregiver and keeping an oxygen tank in her house. They gave me the oxygen tank but I had to pretty much shut up because they wanted to watch Dancing With the Stars. Nobody would talk to me except whenever I made a comment about something going on in the show.

My mom is ostensibly human.

Yes, I did. My Mom died a few years ago at the age of 74 and I miss her more than words can say, but the truth is she was like the Snow Queen -- beautiful, poised, sophisticated, intelligent and all but unreachable. I spent all my life trying to get close to her --I worshipped her -though she was next to a goddess - but the more I tried, the more she pushed me away. Now that I've been diagnosed, I realize my Mom was probably an aspie also, so it really wasn't her fault. I also had a "refrigerator grandfather." My maternal granddad was one of the strangest men you'd ever want to meet. Tall, white-haired, taciturn, he'd walk right by me and not say a word. i was his first grandchild --and named for him, too -- you would think he wouldv'e made a fuss over me or at least bothered to say Hi. When I was very small, I was fascinated by him and I used to follow him on his walks down by the river. One day we were passing by the walls of Sing Sing Prison and he suddenly turned to me and said, "This is where you're going to wind up if you're not a good little girl!" That was the longest conversation we ever had. Well. it's inherited, you know. My brother has many autistic trait as well. The whole family was Aspergian. i was the only one though, curious enough to want to know what was wrong with us so I was the one who ended up getting diagnosed. The others just found their own niche and perched in it.

My mom was blamed by the psychoanalists 80's therapists for me being autistic. She told my mom that I was just a reminant of a former life to her. She was so mad and hurt that she threw a box of klenix at her screamed at this woman. "She may have not bonded to me, but I bonded to her." I love her more than you will ever know. Later that therapist appologized for being so mean to her. It seems that all my childhood, someone was blaming her for my problems...she suffered with a bad case of mother guilt.

But she is no refrigerator mom, more like an unexpected saint mom.

My mom's always been a bit histrionic. But she never was a very affectionate or attentive mother. That i didn't grow up feral amazes me sometimes. She was there, but she was hardly an involved parent. She was too busy with her mood swings, manic phases and wine drinking. I know from some of her stories of when I was younger, she probably was overwhelmed with me. She said I screamed every time she bathed me as a baby ,which sometimes brought the neighbors over to see what was wrong--and knowing her, it was probably because she used really hot water. I have a hypersensitivity to hot water and she never believed me that it hurt as much as it did. She'd forced me to wash dishes in water that felt scolding to me, and she's just yell at me "Oh, stop it! It's NOT that hot!" I couldn't handle loud noises either--she'd get in one of her manic phases, and start banging stuff around the house, and I would go hide in my room because it overwhelmed me so much. She was very impatient with my sensory hypersensitivities.

She also hated that I wasn't a girly girl. She was very disappointed i didn't an to wear dresses. I think between not understanding my sensory issues and being disappointed in me that I wasn't the princess daughter she dreamed of, she withdrew from me.

Mine was more of a volcano mother than a refrigerator mother.

I do recall her seeming reasonably affectionate to me when I was very small, but she'd lose her temper at the slightest little thing and withdrawal of affection was her weapon of first resort. I don't have any memories of needing her love and being pushed away, mostly all I can remember is realising how unstable and vitreolic she could be, and keeping away from her to avoid getting mauled. But I guess I lost out on a ton of affection, just that I didn't notice it because I was too busy dodging the (metaphorical) bullets and coping with the fact that she was blaming me for the problems. If you want to know what her manner was like, take a look at Cliff Richard's fictional mum in Expresso Bongo, when she yells at his agent in the early part of the film. Mum was just like that most of the time. There was no reconciliation either, she never acknowledged a single mistake and nobody had the bottle to tackle her about her behaviour, except when Dad couldn't stand it any more and started acting even worse. To this day nobody knows what was wrong with her.

But I don't believe she had much to do with my autism. Dad was very Aspie, and his mum's idea of a conversation was to talk to herself for a couple of hours without stopping, so I've always been convinced of the genetic link. I've sometimes wondered whether my mum's poor ability to relate to me was partly down to my Aspie traits....possibly she felt rejected by me and expressed her anger about that indirectly. Whatever else, it seems pretty clear that I need to take my experiences of her behaviour into account, as well as my autism, when I try to work out who I am, what I'm doing wrong socially, and what my weaknesses might be. For example, getting a relationship to work isn't just a matter of me knowing my Aspie traits and finding coping strategies and ways to bridge the "Aspie gap." I also have to think in terms of partners unwittingly triggering echoes of my traumatic childhood, etc. It's horribly complicated.

My mother is loving and kind and never understood how it was that I wasn't but accepted me even though I pulled away from her touch. I love her so much but I bet she loves me even more. My father is distant, but he has his own problems. The refrigerator mother is rubbish. There are plenty of NTs with awful mothers. Besides, a "cold" mother could just be on the spectrum herself.

My mum was a refrigerator mother in that the only thing it seemed she did was feed me. The rest of the time I ran wild. She didn't do much parenting besides providing physical/material needs.

My mom is a refrigerator mom. And freezer. It took a while to wrap up all the pieces in butcher paper, but she fits nicely now.


(Dark humor, people. Very dark)

Uhm. Hmm.

My dad I'd say is sorta like a refrigerator parent, he's never been active in my life, always more proud of my sister and my brother but never took the time to bond with me, I tried so hard to bond with him, getting into sports, learning about engineering and stuff to try and make a connection but it seems like he just doesn't care.
My mum left when I was 1 and moved to New Zealand when I was 15, I never saw too much of her but she was loving I guess.

The only family I really turn to when I'm in a crisis is my nan/grandmother whos always been there, she doesn't say she has a favorite but I kinda know I am, we share the same birthday and we get on really well, so thats good.

Definitely not. She's very warm, empathetic, and friendly. She's a great mom. Might be an Aspie.