Chronos wrote:
Perhaps you have some form of borderline personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies.
Or narcissistic personality disorder with borderline tendencies.
I agree with this statement.
BPD runs in my family and I was raised surrounded by people with this disorder. I don't want to be negative, but in my experience the moments of clarity which produce a post such as the OP, are momentary and are followed by a return to the narcissistic belief that nothing is "wrong" with them but everything is wrong with everyone else. That is why, in my experience, it is so hard for actual lasting change to come in Borderline personality disorder-the moments of clarity are short and there is not time for lasting change to take hold.
To the Op, it is very important for you to begin a long term therapeutic relationship with a therapist and that you impart these thoughts to them during one of your moments of clarity. If you can, write them down and take them in. It will be quite difficult if you do have BPD, because your instinct will be to believe the therapist incompetent when they try to help you. It takes time and dedication to break through these damaging beliefs that you have-they are not based on reality and they serve to further alienate you from everyone.