Aspergers thoughts of harming and murder

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LoL they don't exist any more, they have been ripped down.

I cannot hurt anybody. I wouldn't even touch anybody. I would never have the guts to do it, and I know I have some self-control.

However, sometimes where there's a toddler shouting and screaming on the bus or in a restaurant, I have to resist the urge to punch them right in the face, or pick them up by their hair and swing them out the door, or to strangle them. Or it's not always the kid I want to do it to. It's the parents, for bringing it near me. But I know I would never do it because I would feel terrible afterwards and would lose everybody's respect and would be sent to prison and I would humiliate myself and everybody would lose trust in me and I would be named and shamed and my life just would not be the same any more, and I would spend the rest of my life wishing I had never done the awful thing in the first place.

But som friends have said to me that most people sometimes wish they could angrily put a stop to an unruly child by strangling it. My NT friend once said to me, ''that little kid over there was standing in my way - I wanted to kick the little brat!''

So sometimes it is normal to think of doing bad things, but as long as you don't, then just because you're thinking of it doesn't mean you'll ever do it...... Right?

I don't think I have it in me to carry any act of violence out against another. I've vacillated in my life between feeling violence is wrong yet paradoxically wishing harm on specific others who I feel have bothered me intensely. It's definitely a "wishing" though, like thinking about how if they got hit by a truck or something it would make my life easier. It takes quite a bit to reach that point with someone, but there are people who, at least in theory, I think the world would be better off without, and though I wouldn't want to be held responsible, it would be cool if accidents could be somehow "channeled." I've heard that some Aspies do experience feelings of sadism but it's not the norm.

If I did anything to hurt someone who did nothing to deserve an assault would eat me up with guilt. They would have to do something horrible to me to get me to act out violently towards someone. I will only punish those who hurt me with equal use of force. You need a labotomy or be heavily medicated for the good of public safety before you hurt someone over nothing.

Despite the things I had to endure as a child like the weekly beatings, being spit on, getting set on fire in class, and the constant name calling I could never walk up to someone and attack them for no reason especially if they were weaker than me. I wonder what happened in your childhood to give you so much rage. I can understand it but I would like to know what set you off.

I have no problems with the logic of defending oneself, if somebody is out to cause harm to me. I would even stretch that logic to defending others that may need defending.
And would use necessary force to do so.
I would never not in a million years wish death upon someone. And the times in my life where I have had to defend myself I have always tried to do it causing the least possible harm to me or my assailant.
Sometimes though from a logical point of view causing unconsciousness to someone might be the quickest way of keeping the peace.

I thought I'd try my stint as a security guard/doorman, the wage packets and working hours were desirable at the time and I had been training for years, so was physically able for it.
The job itself was ideal for me as a security guard, I used to sit in a cabin alone all night and read a book, do a check of the premises every 15 mins, which didn't take long, and call in every hour.
As a doorman it was a little more difficult because your expected to engage, greet the customers, turn people away that don't conform to dress code, handle customer complaints etc etc. And I just don't have the mannerisms of a bouncer.

When things did kick off though, that's when it was my job to spring into action and remove any offending parties from the premises using necessary force with as little damage to offending parties or business premises.
So in the sense of do I think about harming people, I have needed to, when you have people throwing punches/bottles/chairs and brandishing knives and broken glass you generally have to attempt a knock out if they don't listen to reason, because they've already gone too far and have become a serious threat to the public.
I very rarely lost my temper during my job because I do like to be professional in what I do.

From that sense yes I have thought about hurting people, have even used pain to achieve a goal (Escorted Arm/wrist lock giving them the odd twinge of pain when they don't conform).

I hope this does not make me sound like a thug.
It was just the ideal job for the time based on salary and working hours.

No, I don't want to hurt anyone and I especially don't want to kill anyone, these are people you're talking about right, you're fantasizing about hurting people and killing them. If you are serious about this post, I also urge you to seek help with a mental health professional as soon as possible.

I don't believe this has anything to do with Aspergers what-so-ever. I haven't come across any one here with Aspergers who has talked about anything like this before. Infact, we are usually helpful, nice and kind human beings here even though we disagree about things at times, we're good people.

One more thing, I don't let anyone who's a stranger come through my door and I only open my door for people I know really well and they always call before they come over, always.

Yes, this. If you really do have these thoughts, a lot, then you need to find help. Whether it is actually something to be concerned about or not, it is still something you want to play it safe with, just in case.

I do have thoughts like this about people have made fun of me or seem threatening. I could probably never do it. I've only ever attacked one person while having a meltdown provoked by them.
But I'm small, ethnic, and because of all I hear about people preying on those with mental disorders there's a part of me that wants to pre-emptively defend myself.

I have no problems now, but when I was a child I had some violent fantasies, but I never took any action. In fact I have never been in a fight before. As a kid I did a lot of passive-aggressive behavior (I stole and broke stuff without them knowing) against people who bullied or hurt me. This had nothing to do with aspergers, it had to do with the fact that I felt helpless at the time.

Excellent advice. I'm a bit more flexible about people I know dropping by, but I don't know terribly many people so that simplifies things. People don't get to walk into my room without asking for permission. They don't get to put their hands on me without my permission. They sure as h*** aren't entering our house without getting permission just because their religious dependency requires them to sell x amounts of Jesus each month. For some reason we never get people selling vacuums or miracle cleansing solutions, just Jesus salesmen. Kind of a shame since we have been thinking about getting a new vacuum but have no plans to get a Jesus - he just can't keep the carpet as clean.


If there's one thing we as Aspies can excel at without even trying to, it's annoying people to the point of never talking to us again! So that's what I do. Anyone who tries to push past (has happened one time before, yeah, frigging Mormons) gets told if they force their way past me I'm treating it as a home invasion and will call the cops and defend myself. When it comes to random strangers trying to get in my home I don't have to be nice - the burden of niceness is on them for once and there's no social expectation that I must reciprocate by letting them in. If you feel a need to take it further and be needlessly threatening to them because you enjoy it, you might want to consider if you have what our American brethren call 'issues' that might need addressing. Especially if you let them in so you can intimidate them, that might be uh, just a bit of a hint that maybe you have something more going on that would be nice to work on before it gets you into a very bad place... mentally and physically.

I don't think these fantasies are anything to do with having AS. I have an afixation with serial killers and torture techniques, but I would never act out upon them, or intimidate anybody that is undeserving, only if I am backed in a corner with no other way out of the scenario.

Fantasies are a healthy and unique part of you, Only if you cannot control such urges their should be an immediate danger. Otherwise it is just your personality not a deformity etc.

I'm the paradox I suppose - I would never personally hurt or harm anyone - I'm a bit of a bleeding heart. But, in fantasy, I tend toward the dark side. Dark violent sadistic... I'm the one that gravitates to the villians, the more twisted and sicker the better. But I have never fantasized about actually carrying any of that out in reality... it has always firmly been fantasy.

I used to be afraid I would turn into a serial killer or a rapist - it was more driven by OCD and isolation than anything else though. I am a downright pacifist, in fact I'm such a pacifist I dont even like seeing evil people suffer.

As a green haired punker, I had fantasies about murdering my ex bullies. I wasn't a very happy person back than. I was very dark and cynical.

I've thought about hitting/punching/etc people that I'm mad at/don't like, but not really violent and never murderous thoughts. I don't think that's an aspie thing at all.

The same is true of me.