Difficulty Understanding My Feelings

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I suspect that, unless it's something purely bio-chemical, it's probably a thought you had that didn't impact very well on your memory, but did impact on your emotions/body.

Hmm, quite possibly - but I'd rather thoughts just stayed in my head in plain view where I can see them, instead of sneaking up on me through unconventional routes.

I really like this, you're such a great writer

This is me.

I was thinking about this earlier: My mother's been trying to convince me that I'm having a PTSD-style emotional shutdown, but my emotions have been the same for as long as I can recall. I've had some variation, but I am not sure that I feel them all that intensely as emotions, even when my body reacts to those emotions.

The thing that really prompted me to think about it was that I had to deduce that I was depressed from my symptoms, but the actual mood aspect is not often apparent to me, if that makes sense. If someone were to ask me how I feel, I would describe anhedonia and possibly suicidal ideation and fatigue, but I wouldn't say "I feel depressed."

On the other hand, when other people around me are feeling strong emotions, I seem to pick them up and it makes me feel very uncomfortable and impinged upon - the other night I was in a vehicle with someone who was extremely upset, which I was mirroring, and I really wanted nothing more than to get away. This was more intense than what I usually feel.

This is one of the many things that I just took for granted was typical, and didn't realize I was unusual until having it pointed out to me repeatedly.

Yes, the pain of others emotions. For me this is actually far worse than my own emotions. When people get upset I tend to feel so anxious and uncomfortable that I want to flee. It is almost like panic.

Funny that I'm so sensitive to others yet my own feelings creep on on me unnoticed.

It is odd but makes more sense when you reflect that you can see other's face and body but you can't see your own.

Hi.
Yes totally relate to alexithymia.
Have recently realised that my ability to identify and describe my own emotional state is very very limited. (I mean much more limited than I ever thought possible in a human).

I find that signals from my body ("feelings") do not correspond to emotional "feelings" in ways that indicate anything. When someone asks "how are you feeling?", I am supposed to identify my bodily sensations and combine this information with my thoughts, to produce an answer. However, the body input is so garbled that it makes no sense at all. I do think my hyperactive thoughts scramble this process as well.

If someone requires an answer to "how are you feeling about ....", I flip through a mental list of every emotion word that I know, until I find one that seems ok. This takes a long time though.

I have decided to bypass the "name that feeling" conundrum, by using gears to describe where I am at.
1st and 2nd gear are relaxed, 3rd is everyday functioning, 4th is irritated, and 5th is high-functioning. It is easier to tell which gear I am in because they are ranges rather than specific emotions. Also I can measure the length of time that I spend in each gear, to get perspective on where I am at overall.

This is my first post on the site having just discovered it yesterday. I figured it would be best to chime in on some existing threads for a while before I start asking some of my own questions. So anyway...

I completely relate to this. I find myself having panic attacks on a regular basis without knowing why. The increased heart rate and increased blood pressure can't be good for my body. I find myself walking around my apartment, alone, pacing in circles telling myself that there is nothing wrong with no relief for hours sometimes. Sometimes I even go to my trusty hand/finger flapping during these episodes (it seems to have had a calming effect since I was 4 or 5.. I am 28 now). I am also married to an NT and she sometimes has a lot of trouble coping with these episodes. I am currently not taking any medication but I have had xanax and lexapro in the past (I was noncompliant, go figure). Does anti-anxiety medication help at all? It didn't seem to do much for me, but I was told I didn't take it long enough. My episodes can last for hours and then just vanish and I can feel euphoric for just as long afterwards. I also can not drink any type of energy drink or it is panic attack suicide for me. I am just too sensitive to any kind of drug (caffeine, nicotine, alcohol).

Yes, some people really don't understand.
Someone Else: "You seem upset?"
Me: "I'm have been feeling really stressed right now"
Someone Else: "Why what's up"
Me: "I don't know?"
Someone Else: "Well, if you don't want to talk about it that's fine"
Me (irritated): "I said I don't know, as in I'm not sure"

I had many panic attack episodes for several months many years ago. They came out of nowhere, they did not seem to be triggered by anything obvious. Xanax works good for an acute situation, but the idea is to start an antidepressant and after being on one then you won't need the xanax. It is not good to take Xanax regularly because you will build a tolerance. I think medication is appropiate, but you need to ask yourself why you were non-compliant.

So, how is everyone on this thread feeling today?

ha ha very funny (given the name of this topic) or is it an exercise "name your feelings"?

Ooooh ooh, I got this one.. lets see, discomfort in my abdominal area, low energy, slightly restless. I'm... tired? Did I get it right? Or wait, is it heartburn Hm, I'm not sure.. no I'm gonna go with the tired guess, I think that one's more likely.

This game is much more fun when it's not being played with NTs who keep thinking you're the one with the answer sheet!

Let's see now......low physical pain & discomfort, slightly uppity, a little bit sad and resentful but nothing really awful.....I'm at work, vaguely anxious about getting today's job done without screwing up (I made a slight mistake yesterday which luckily turned out not to matter), slightly overwhelmed with responsibility (my boss is unexpectedly absent, and if he's not back in a day or two I'll try to carry on unsupported but it's likely to get messy), I've got the usual background ennui because I'm incarcerated in this workplace, every so often there's been a bit of intrusive noise around me, bit of self-loathing for eating so much chewing gum when I told myself not to. Today's threads are OK but I haven't found anything really snazzy yet, so I'm feeling like I want some excitement, then I get this "nothing good happens to me" depressive thing, stuck at work where I'm never going to have any fun, and I know I'll be too tired and apathetic to do much but chill out tonight. Slight apprehension as I see several people spreading themselves around between me and the communal kettle ("OMG! I'll never get through that horde of savages!") Resentment at having to share the environment with people I don't know. Occasional apprehension at the forthcoming appraisal.....should make a start on the form but those things scare and bore me, serve 'em right if I didn't do it, I'm not promising to meet any bloody targets. I've told them that I don't want 2 of them grilling me at the same time, and asked them for it to be one-on-one......slightly concerned that they'll see me as awkward for that.

I felt useless about an hour ago when somebody asked me a question or two about the work we do. I did my best but had to defer to the absent boss, because I don't really know the answers and he does. Then I felt a bit of self-loathing for letting myself get into a work situation where I don't know as much about the job as the boss does...I used to be practically my own boss but that work dried up and now I'm just working somebody else's instructions like a robot. So I feel a bit of anger at the system that's done that to me.

I'll be better when I get home...I always am....as long as there's no noise from the neighbours. The anxiety will go, I'll probably do a bit of useful work for myself, but it's not likely to be much....don't seem able to get really stuck into anything these days.

i was just going to mention alexthymia, but looks like i was beat to the chase. I draw total blank when prompted to describe how i am feeling. It just doesn't fit into the way i think. Not to say i dont feel things i just see absolutely no point in trying to explain, though i suppose that may just be a rationalization because i am unable to explain anyway. Dont think it could make much of a difference which came first, it is what it is.