Weird and Normal!! !

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Embrace the weird.


Maybe one thing I've gotten with age is a thicker skin. Somewhere along the way I figured out that most people place expectations on others without any thought about where those expectations come from. And for the most part, where the come from is some arbitrary social grab bag. People don't like weird because it challenges their assumptions and exposes their expectations. But that's a problem within themselves, not me. While it's true my weirdness keeps me social isolated, the energy it takes to appear "normal" just isn't worth expending when the pay back is social contact based on my ability to fake it. If people don't like me because I'm weird then that makes me a little sad. Who knows what friendship might have been forged? But I get over it quickly because they are the ones throwing up walls. I am not a complete freak. I care about people, even if I'm unintentionally abrasive, hard to understand, have an odd sense of humor and quirky mannerisms. Oh well. Take me or leave me. Just don't insist I be something I am not.

Why is it hard for you to 'fake' normal?

It makes me laugh trying to play normal when in a positive frame of mind, in fact it got me fired once, it's like knowing about a secret prank someone is about to walk into, you try and hold it but can't and just blurt out into laughter.

I worked as an I.T. engineer in a dungeon underneath a computer store.
My daily routine was basically to fix machines all day, have dinner, fix more machines.
Now in a little depth, I would go and pick up my dinner from the chip shop, and sprinkle some salt on my chips (fries to the Americans).
I would then go back to the dungeon and sprinkle some proper vinegar on my chips, not the chemically enhanced watered down condiment you get from the chip shop.
After a few days of throwing away my chips because of the sickly sweet taste I couldn't identify, the boss came down with his chips and sprinkled some vinegar on his chips.
He pulled a face and complained that he could taste vimto (I'd never drank vimto, it just tasted sweet to me), upon his identification I burst out laughing, I had sussed it, my colleague dungeon dwellers had emptied my bottle of vinegar and replaced it with vimto.
But now my boss was looking at me all angry, which made me laugh even harder, because now he thinks that it's me that pulled the prank, and the scenario I was in was so darn funny, my laughter was contagious and my dungeon dwelling colleagues also burst into laughter, one of them knowing the whole situation, the other not.
The boss walked off with the huff, which made me roar, I had tears and stitches, my jaw ached with laughter, and we could not stop, like a infectious parcel we kept passing back and forth.

The boss sat upstairs had heard enough, and he came down and stormed out the back door with a final "I'm not putting up with this", which made us howl louder.
Approximately an hour later he came back and we were just literally beginning to calm down and get some work done, when he walked in and blamed me for writing off his brand new Renault Megane he had purchased the week before.
That started me off again, he still believed it was me, and that because I've made him angry I'm responsible for him writing his new car off.
The following day the person who did switch the vinegar went and owned up, but as far as the boss was concerned, it no longer mattered who switched the vinegar, because it was me that caused his bad day with my excessive laughter.

Last edited by Digsy on 21 Feb 2011, 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

First, I don't always know what "proper" behavior or appropriate language is. You can't mimic something unless you first can perceive and understand what it is that you are trying to mimic.

Second, "faking normal" is like building an engine with a mix of Toyota, Chevy and Audi parts. If you're REALLY good, you can get it to work, but it's inefficient to do it that way and the maintenance is really high. Autistic neurology does not have the basic building blocks of NT behavior. You can assemble something the resembles it, but in the end you have something built from the wrong materials.

Third, because the "fake normal" is built with the wrong materials and is inefficient, it takes a lot of energy to keep it together. This is energy taken away from other things. And in the end, it isn't enough energy so there is the inevitable crash and burn. Then you have to pick up the pieces (which aren't the right building blocks) and rebuild the "fake normal" yet again.

So basically, I don't really know what normal is to a sufficient level of detail, I don't have the building blocks to create the parts of normal that I do understand, and I don't have enough energy to maintain the imitation of what parts of normal I am able to adequately mimic.

Because I have no workable idea of what it is.
At best I can manage an "amateur production" quality, but since that's just based on aping the actions I see others doing it's hardly convincing and falls apart quickly.
Plus, paraphrasing wavefreak, it's damned hard work.

Weird is the new normal!

I agree faking normal is draining. Of course i guess there is is behaviour therapy and medications which could help (thats if you wanted to of course).

I still don't understand why you'd want to pretend to be something you're not?
Owning what you are is the best way to be.

You know what? I'd rather just be me.

On and off, I've spent years on antidepressants because until I discovered it was all due to AS, that's all anyone could offer.
I've spent practically all of my life totally mis-diagnosed and now I know why I've been the way I have, I intend to accept all of it. Every last stim, odd reaction and zone-out.
I refuse to waste any more time & energy in faking things.

First you need to decide what is actually necessary. Is it necessary from me to adopt "normal" behaviors? Should I medicate myself to facilitate behaviors that only help me "conform" but don't bring me any real contentment?

My dad says to me that i have to confrom and be normal.

You're 21, why wouldn't you have your own mind and do as you please by now - not what your father tells you.

Just say No!

Isn't this the same man that told you you should kill yourself?

Hmm well, good luck with that.

Hey come on cornflake don't mock what my dad said because some aspies can conform.

He's just wants the best for me thats all.

From your previous posts about family, your father sounds like a real piece of work. But what do I know?