Not respecting authority - Aspie trait?

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"Respect" is a loaded and highly subjective word. I thought my mind worked in heirchy because it provided structure and a method by which to understand order. Recently though I've been proven wrong about my own perceptions.
I understand that someone may have more knowledge or experience than I do in a certain circumstance, so I will to an extent trust their assessment of something, though not without questioning and challenging (I've been told I do this a lot, instead of just following orders) but I really do not understand the concept of respect as connected to inherent worth - as another person being "better" than me. Which it seems to entail. I'll talk to people in authority the same as I would talk to anyone else, regardless of who they are. I'm always polite and helpful, but you could be a homeless derelict or a presiding magistrate, and I would naturally treat you with equal respect. You're a human and so am I. It's not my place to judge anyone as better or lesser than anyone else. This may make me seem ... well, disrespectful, but as above noted, respect in a social sense is a social convention and I'll bypass that. I never understood this automatic respect of parents, either. I often got myself into trouble as a child for it. In my circumstance, my parents were both alcoholics and low-income people, so they were literally paid by the government to keep me until I was 16. It wasn't a favour on their behalf. I attended a public school if I went to school at all. I was no trouble to them, and quite frankly, it was their decision to have children, not mine. I didn't understand why I should be grateful (which is to an extent controlled by guilt) for something I had no say in. It's illegal to neglect your children - I doubt I should automatically respect them for obeying the law.
Then again, I'll "respect" a king brown snake because I know if that thing bites me, I'm history. I "respect" the forces of the natural world because I know my life depends on those forces. But that's another meaning entirely I suppose.

If by squelch you mean shove it in the dark hole in your mind along with every insult and punch, where it ends up rotting away the innocent optimistic light parts of you until all that's left is a hollow, cynical, and bitter void covered up with a smiling mask that's as fake as Pamela Anderson's boobs... yeah, I learned that eventually.

That would be my protecting yourself from the power part from earlier. It's gotten easier for me to hide my reaction, now I usually just show slight surprise and then my face goes to the default Aspie neutral for a little bit before I can will myself to put the mask up again. I've also learned the valuable lessons of "I can see where you're coming from, but perhaps another thing to consider is.." respectful disagreement approach and it's usually subsequent "Alright, if you think that's best lets give it a go" just letting it go tactic. I care less about things that won't directly negatively affect me, so if people want to make what I think are incredibly foolish and costly mistakes then eh, sure, buy Lotus Notes and force us all to use that monstrosity - it's stupid but they need to arrive at that decision on their own. So long as they're not doing those massive mistakes with my health, safety or money, I've learned to care less. Touch those three though and I'm damn well having the last word on that discussion!

In the coming age of Aqaurius.

I agree with all three of you. (I would select specific quotes if I could figure out how to do that) but what if he ends up doing himself considerable harm when he's unable to assume a blank face that allows him to register that he doesn't buy what the authority figure is trying to force him to do but doesn't care. I'm talking about self preservation, not just a disagreement on semantics.

I think I can sit on my contempt if I know it will be very deleterious to give it free expression. I do have to try quite hard to keep it from showing. I was not diagnosed when young, but I don't think that's terribly relevant.

Controlling impulses can be difficult with asperger's and any executive function impairment.

How did you learn the difference between not showing respect to people who can harm you as opposed to those where you are just rejecting someone's wrong opinion?

its true that it isnt smart in the current western world to show these feelings, in the most practical sense i constantly have to pick my battles but some battles turn into a war for me.
at one time i seriously angered a police officer, i had just come home from 4 months working in greece, apearantly i had missed my draft(forwarded my mail, never got it down there).
next morning i woke up to someone knocking on the door, very weird since there was literally only 4 people that specifically knew i had returned to the country, or so i thought, anyway when i opened it was an officer who was there to pick me up and drive me to the draft office, i critisized the draft system fro our whole 45 minute drive, the officer was an okay sport and very nice on a personal level, but he just refused to listen to any critique of the sytem.
thing is our whole draft system only has to find around 200-500 people a year, literaly. the rest of the spots are filled with volunteer, its an expensive system and it is costing everyone a lot of money.
however if no one cares or knows about these "battles" nothing can be done about them.


**edit** so rambly

You're lucky. My son would have ended up in jail because he would have insulted the officer and that is a jail-able offense.

im so happy the law over here states that its only "insulting an officer" if that is the intention of it.

I don't know how helpful this will be, but I used to have a basic attitude of disrespect first, then let the other person perhaps win me over/prove themselves worthy of my respect. Obviously (but not to me then), this was a pretty problematic attitude.

Adopting a more easy going basic nature accounts for a lot of problems. If someone is (fill in unpleasant or distasteful behaviour here) then I'm basically a lot more accepting. I recognise the pointless suffering that arises when I get gripped by something that there's no benefit in pursuing. Letting go is much easier with awareness.

I don't really know of any quick or simple way to inculcate this in anyone, my own shift came about as part of my years on the Buddhist 'eightfold' path.

I think a lot of the problem might be in perceived threats, obsession and/or compulsion, and an over active amygdala. Meditation works a treat, but it's a long and slow transformation.

So much has been said in this thread that I agree with.

Personally my understanding of respect, which hasn't really changed since I was a child, has indeed caused me a lot of trouble. Mostly I deal with it by keeping my head down and following orders regardless of how stupid I find them to be, provided there's adequate insentive (f.ex. monetary compensation).
Every person I meet recieves the same amount of respect from me, I treat them kindly and act friendly towards them and would not consider doing anything harmfull to them. I don't know how to be more respectfull than that, in fact I consider letting them make mistakes and not sharing my thoughts with them to be signs of disrespect as opposed to signs of respect as it's generally considered. I also have an aversion to showing respect towards people who not show me respect, it can be lost and then has to be earned again.

I also never understood why it's alright for adults to talk down to children, but not the other way around. Especially when I was younger I'd get into arguments about it, I acknowledge that they have more knowledge about certain things, but it seemed to be an incredible insult to question anything they said and heaven forbid that I'd correct them.

My troubles with authority are more nuanced.

if I am at work, my boss is in an authority position. It is an artifact of the work environment and as such I simply accept that. Where I run into trouble is I grant that authority only in issues relevant to work. I do not accept his authority in any other venue. But, socially, this is not how it works. A bosses opinion on all matters is automatically assigned a greater value, simply by virtue of his position. It does not matter the veracity of that opinion, only that it comes from him. This is a fact of life. A business owner's opinion is more valued than those whom he employs.

This causes me a lot of grief because my demeanor does not readily hide my reactions to things that fall outside the automatic respect and authority I grant by virtue of the employer/employee relationship. While I willingly accept my employers authority, and even have a great respect for his abilities and insight relative to the work environment, I can't transfer that into other sphere's of social interaction. It just doesn't happen. And I suspect this is misinterpreted as arrogance and disrespect even when all it is is my highly structured and probably overly rigid mind categorizing things in atypical ways.

I don't really know of any quick or simple way to inculcate this in anyone, my own shift came about as part of my years on the Buddhist 'eightfold' path.

I think a lot of the problem might be in perceived threats, obsession and/or compulsion, and an over active amygdala. Meditation works a treat, but it's a long and slow transformation.[/quote]

You are fortunate to have found--and followed such a wise way to overcome something could harm you but that now works in your favor.

so true.... yet so hard at times.

I don't have a 'natural' instant respect for someone because of their 'position.' I never have. I minded my parents because of consequences but not out of respect of their position. As a rule I don't think I should lay down respect for a doctor, a cop, a teacher if they are talking nonsense. I don't care who they are they have to show me they are saying something logical. I don't care about 'key' people's input or if it comes from xxxxx I can take it to the bank. This has got me into huge trouble, often, because I don't bow to 'figures'. I don't even know why some people operate like they are magical because they did this or that, lots of it is luck and timing....and opportunity. There are some people that I definitely would love to pick their brain but not much more than I run across in my everyday life...even just cruising around this forum. It isn't acceptable to pm someone here and say 'omg you are wildly brilliant...and interesting...and I'd love to get to know you'. I'd get labeled a freak or a stalker....not worth it...egos become the biggest part of the human psyche. The world is either paranoid or puffed up with themselves that 'they achieved' so they are either too busy or too important to bother unless it will further them in their importance. It is sad how we celebrate the brightest stars no matter how they figured it out. No one is ever humble enough to admit they didn't do it alone. Fame is ridiculous, not sure why anyone is even interested in it.

I completely agree with this. One of the most disturbing things I can think of is people blindly following someone because they have some arbitrary label of authority. (Hitler, anyone?) I know people who say things like, "Well, he's our president. I don't agree with him, but I'll go with whatever he wants." Um, no. NO! Go with what you believe to be the right thing, not what someone with a title wants!

However, that is different from ODD, which, if I understand correctly, has to do with hostility and aggression towards authority figures, not merely not feeling respect towards them. I'm not hostile or aggressive with anyone, so I treat authority figures the same way.