Something bizarre happed with a previous bully!

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The extreme shift in personality makes me wonder if something happened to him?

He says on his website that his writings inspire people and he loves his own book.. self-involved much?

I can see the connection. It seems that extremism requires shutting down the centers of independent thought in our brain and handing all responsibility for deciding right and wrong to the ideologue at the center of the extremist view. Some people might be easily persuaded to do this since it is easier to let others do the thinking. Less vulnerable people would require a more subtle and insidious methodology (brain washing) before they could hand themselves over to such ideas.

I've been considering whether I should tell him how his bullying affected me, or if I should just be content that he's now some sort of crazy person. On one hand, it may make him feel guilty enough to actually apologise, so I could get some closure (this whole episode has reminded me that I haven't really gotten over the bullying yet). On the other, he could still be a bully and telling him that his bullying really hurt me could empower him even more...

I used to go to high school with on particular jock-asshole, who I was told became a youth counselor in a church after he changed his evil ways.
Then he died of a brain hemorrhage or some such thing.
I don't know if there's supposed to be a morale somewhere in there. But real life rarely does have any.

-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer

I would see nothing wrong with that. Just send a simple note saying you have become aware of his "life change" or whatever he claims to have had, and then ask him whether he is aware of how some of his past actions have affected you and/or others. In response, he will either "come clean" or ask for a bit of help in remembering or just toss out some pious, self-righteous BS. In my own case, I let one former bully know he occasionally came to mind and I hope all is well with him ... and his complete silence then told me everything I wanted to know.

Just the title "youth pastor" creeps me out.

My father is the same way. He was a wife beater and child abuser (me) and my mom left him and 20 years and anouther wife later, he becomes psycho religous. Cured of being an abuser and bully?
Well he no longer beats his current wife, nor step kids, but loses all his religion in a verbal arguement with his wife once a week or so.
And then he goes to church like some kind of Christian rooster looking all godly and devout. He also says "God" hates homosexuals and devil worshipers (what he calls goths) and athiests.
But he is really justifying why he hates them. I have this major issue with him...1) because he is a hyprocrit, and 2) if he knew I was bisexual...he would hate me.

I hate it that this is my father....half of my genes....and I love him in a way and I am very angry with him too. I wish there was an easy button that would make him into a decent person.

But to answer your question....bullies tend to become religious nuts for some reason. I think it is socially acceptable bullying.

As far as telling him how he hurt you and it still effects you. I think you should tell him. He needs to know that what he did cant be erased by religion. He will probably give you some religious crap, but if he really changed then he will be affected by it...but either way, you need to get that off your chest.

Jojo

I was bullied by my religious family all my life. They refused to take me to a speech therapist because they want Saint Bosco to cure it. I broke my nose as a kid, and it has been broken ever since, and I am 40 now. They shy away from doctors because of their religion, and they only visit the doctor when it is way too late. I was jobless for quite a while, almost ten years, and all they told me was "You need to have faith in God".

You WILL be saved by Christ... yeah, I can see it now. Great job for a former bully...

Makes me glad i am an atheist

Just imagine Jeffery Dahmer as a youth pastor.

Ok, so I decided to message him, and here's what I said:

"Hello XXXXX, remember me from school?

I was the one you used to bully. In fact, you and your friends bullied me so much that I ended up developing severe clinical depression and social anxiety disorder. By the time I left school I was so ill that instead of going to university like everyone else, I saw a psychiatrist for two years and a clinical psychologist for 6 years.

When I was 21, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which is a "mild" form of autism. It means I have difficulty understanding social interaction, so I tend to be quieter than most people, and other things like poor co-ordination, making me bad at sports, etc. I guess this is what made me so different, that seemed to make people like you want to treat me the way you did.

I realise it was a long time ago, and I'm not really sure why I wanted to contact you about this now. I don't even know if you remember, or if you were aware how much your behaviour affected me. But actions have consequences, and I felt the consequences of your actions for a long time.

Anyway, I'm not writing to you for sympathy, a lot of people have worse problems than I do. I guess I noticed your facebook page and saw you are a Christian. I suppose I wondered if you really had changed.

I see you are doing pretty well in life. I am glad for you, and congratulations on getting married. I hope that if you and your wife ever have children, that none of them are ever treated the way you treated me.

Just had to get that off my chest."

That was a geat PM there you sent. Very civil and it didn't sound like you were holding a grudge at all.

Twisting the knife a little there. It's a good email, but I'm not sure what kind of response (if any) you'll get..

I'm not a big fan of going over the past- it just looks like you never moved on- but I've never been bullied that badly. I guess if you missed out on college in part due to him, then you have a reason to still be upset.

I would imagine that anything other than an apology would be less than "the Christian thing to do." I'm curious to see if/how he responds.

Here's his response:

"Hey XXXX

I don't even know how to begin wording a response to your email. Sorry doesn't even seem to be an appropriate description of how I feel. It negates to cover the years of torment you have endured and the destructive power that my actions and words had on your life.

I guess when I hit 6th year in school a lot of things changed for me. The persona I put on in Junior school was suddenly hit with a connection to the spiritual side of life. Over those next two years I endeavored to figure out how Jesus would want me to live and left school a very confused young boy.

My first years at XXX were fraught with insecurities as I discovered myself and put on a persona that tried to be cool at the expense of others. It is only now in my job as a youth worker that I realise the power that words and actions can have on the formation of young people.

I am dealing weekly with young people from various backgrounds and situations and self esteem issues are rife amongst people.

I admit that at times I could be a very horrible person and I only realised this when I hit my 20's - at which it was too late - I know that's no good for you.

I would love to meet up and or hear more from you - I really have changed and would ask you to extend more and more Grace to me. Things that happened to me at school still haunt me - words that others spoke to me and how people viewed and described me are things that I have had to work through with various mentors so I assure you that I had my problems too but not to your extent.

I apologise again that you were the brunt of my and the people I hung round with frustrations and actions.

I have worked with a kid who has Aspurgers and know some of the outworkings.

Thank you for your words, your honesty and your example. Please keep in contact and I can assure you that I in no way act like I did, think like I did or treat others like that.

Thank you for your forgiveness

XXXX"