How Aspies judge people

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I know I am often disconcerted by the lack of generousity in peoples' assesments of each other. Once I wouldnt have thought anything about such a comment (simple statement of fact) but I've come to realise (unfortunately as a result of hurtful behavior on my part that I didnt know was hurtful because I didnt understand how others saw such behavour) that it is said with disparaging intent...

I think that there is some kind of a 'buzz' that N.T.s get from 'blame-mongering'.

I think 2 things are going on. Generally people 'feel good' about themselves when they are pointing to the faults of others (kind of like a contrast thing - look at that bad person, I dont do that so therefore I can feel better about me). But I think also at this time there is a large degree of social uncertainty - people really want to be 'good and righteous' they dont want to be wrong (morally, politically etc) so there is a need to stridently 'put down' people who are different in their lifestyle/political values/social values/what-have-you.

So for instance people who are 'right wing' need to reassure themselves of the morality of that position and they do so by finding 'left wingers' 'immoral' (and vice-versa). Mothers who work feel some guilt about social messages and their own concerns that they are 'neglecting their kids' and 'stay at home mothers' feel like they are 'percieved as less' socially because they are not 'productive outside the home' and dont have a 'career identity' so they villify their 'opposite' because this gives them a feeling of being 'not morally wrong'.

Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that 20 years ago people could be equally passionate about their views, their place in life and totally disagree with say someone else's political or social views, but not need to see the other person as 'immoral' (but rather as simply wrong in the case of political/social vies, and differently inclined in the case of different lifestyles), but now there are so many 'social minefields' everything seems to be about 'morality' rather than simply trying to find the best path to put your feet on and maybe taking some interest in helping others on the way.

It's like an epidemic of moralisation...and yeah it is kind of nasty but I dont think N.T.s do it to be nasty but rather because they have an non-comprehended 'drive' to do so, especially at this time when there are few 'universally shared values' (ie values that are conventional, shared and virtually unchallenged) in many societies/cultures.

So yes it does seem to me that N.T.s generally have a bit of a finger pointing/judgmental streak going on that is often triggered by insiginificant and even nonesensical (in terms of judging others) traits in others (like their weight), but I also think that at this time that 'judging others' in moral terms is more virilent and endemic (at least in much of 'Anglo-Western' society) than might be usual.

Passing/casual-'judgements' (or really nit-picks) are harsher than usual and things that once might have only been judged 'intellectually' (ie being over-weight is not good for your health so it's best to avoid it) and perhaps snidely (ie -'teasing/snide jokes) are now more likely to be judged morally (ie being overweight means you are not being responsible and accountable, are lazy, lack drive, and lack self control, are a poor role model for others, and therefore if you are overweight you are morally and socially inferior and furthermore are not 'smart enough' to figure out how to take responsibility). To me it seems rather than simply taking a "Haha, your fat and I'm not" attitude (which is unkind of course) people now almost 'need' to take a "How dear you let yourself be fat?" attitude, like somehow it's immoral or sinful as well (as being something to snidely joke/tease/criticise)

I think your observations may be right, pandd.

We were having a discussion on a free-thought message board about how fitness has become what sex used to be. It used to be that sex was used as a barometer on how moral someone was. If a woman (men were given more slack) had the wrong kind....or too much.....sex, she was seen as a "dirty slut" and was defiling herself.

Now that we've changed our attitudes toward sex, we use food as a replacement for trying to make ourselves seem like we're somehow more self controlled or holier than the next person. If you eat too much, you're being "bad". Heck, I've actually heard women use the word, "bad" to describe themselves as when they're eating something that's high fat or sweet. And wouldn't you know it? Just like with sex, women are still judged more harshly than men if they get too much food.

I've never understood how so many people I've seen can pass judgement on someone as casually as they do... many times they don't even know the person.

I just think it's sad when our worth as a person is judged by our appearance, or some near-sighted first impression.

Ironicly I am paid to make judgements about people on a daily bases. I have to hire all the employees for my company in this region.Amazingly my boss usually thinks I do a good job and hire the right individuals for the right positions. I stink at decieding from body language but I can tell from they way they fill out the application and the cloths they wear and how they wear those cloths if they are going to be a good employee or not. The clothes can be cheap but neat and well kept or they can be expensive and fit well but the person wears them like a rag.
I am sure that I miss several good employees with this meathod but I seem immune to the BS charm that is backed up by a lack of talent or work ethic.
I think that because with me everyone starts out even that I am able to see what others can not. I do not make assumptions I observe the individual and go up or down from there.

It's a dangerous World, Baby.

Just for reference, skinny people who don't exercise aren't healthy either, but it's rare that people come up to them and tell them to exercise. And there are plenty of people who exercise more than a lot of skinny people and are still fat.

For reference, I'm fat now on a much healthier diet than I used to have, and I used to be skinny even at times when I pigged out and didn't exercise. It's called a change of metabolism and it's not really anyone's business. I never got unsolicited comments about my unhealthy eating and exercising habits when I was skinny, even though they were sometimes much less healthy than they are today. Now I get the unsolicited comments, though, even though I'm doing things healthier than I sometimes was before. (I can't exercise as much as I used to be able to at the absolute peak of my exercise ability, but that's because of health problems, not the other way around.)

For reference, one thing that can cause metabolic changes of this nature is malnutrition. As in, I may have gotten this way from not eating enough. (It's unclear, though, because I also have something that often results in an inability to put on nearly enough weight in childhood and then in adulthood being fat. And since the first year or two of my adulthood was marked by malnutrition because I couldn't feed myself very often... yeah, it's not clear which.)

One of my friends (a rather large girl) in grade school was overweight because of a thyroid problem, so that has become my default judgement (non-judgement?) for overweight people I don't know-- as in, I think first that they may have underlying health problems, even though I know statistically more people are overweight because of poor diet and exercise choices. No point in jumping to the worst conclusion when there are other possible causes.

In general I tend to assume people are well-intentioned and nice until proven otherwise, but I have been known to make totally irrational snap judgements (as in: "I dislike this person for no good reason") about people who have grating voices, particular ways of talking, insist on shaking my hand or touching my arm when we have just met (gah!), or wear lots of perfume or cologne.

Most people I've found to be so judgmental usually do so in order to try and pump themselves up. Maybe the lady in the elevator just came from the docs last week and her triglycerides are in the 300's. Skinny people die at exactly the same rate as fat people - it's one to a customer across the board.

I find that sometimes we tend to group Nerotypicals badly by suggesting that they don't understand things or that they are all out to push us into their way of doing things. This isn't always true. My parents, my friends, my teachers and classmates are all Nerotypical and they are good people. They should be proud to call themselves NTs

I think that we group people because we are human and because it's a way of showing where someone belongs.
But I think that sometimes we too go overboard and set apart a group of people negatively and discriminate against them because it makes us feel safe and sure of ourselves.
So in that way, I would risk saying that we are like Nerotypicals, and even to some existent, just like the people we condemn because we're condemning them just the same. If we truly wanted to be better then those who condemned us, we shouldn't condemn them. It is hard...maybe even impossible. Where do we draw the line?