Exactly what does ''unable to express one's feelings'' mean?

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I have a great deal of trouble verbalizing my emotions, it's usually I combination of not knowing what I'm feeling, not knowing how it say it once I do figure it out. and, even if I do "figure it out" it doesn't mean I came up with the right feeling. I mean, I thought something said at a funeral was funny, so I laughed... turns out that's frowned upon by most people. When I do show people how I feel it's usually though physical acts, not words.

Of-course I would cry if my cat died, he's my best friend... I know that day is coming, he's getting quite old, I don't know what I'll do when he dies. On the other hand, I've never cried with a family member died.... I've only ever cried because someone died once, and it was somebody I'd only known for a short time.

Part of the problem is that I don't like showing emotion around other people, and I don't care for other people sharing they're feelings with me. Opening up to someone makes you vulnerable, I don't like being vulnerable... it's the fastest way for someone to hurt you, it's easier to just keep it all inside then deal with picking up the pieces after someone craps all over your feelings.

For me its hard to xpress feelings... because of face xpression/body language/ vioce influction stuff I struggle with. But I over-express my feelings sometimes it sounds artificial... but hey its still a way of expression.

I express my feelings a little too much. When I'm out in public, and people get in my way, I like to show them that I'm irritated with them, by huffing or tutting or standing in an impatient way. But if I'm in a really good mood, and I've just heard some good news, and it's a warm bright sunny day, and I'm just feeling confident, I express that aswell. If somebody gets in my way then, I smile and say, ''excuse me, please,'' and calmly get to where I needed to go.

Does that count as expressing feelings too? If so, is that expressing feelings too much?

I don't think being "unable to express one's feelings" means being unable to make the face matching your emotions.
I relate to what you said about the faces being hard to maintain for too long, smiles feeling like grimaces, sometimes when one smile feels particularly fake , if I'm with my sister I will just keep exagerating it into a comical serial killer smile and then we laugh,because it happens to her too to fail at a smile, so we find it funny.
But I think that expression means something closer to " freezing when you're feeling sad" and keeping it for yourself. Close to a shut down. You know, those moments when you can feel that "if I say another word, I'm gonna cry in front of those people" thing and you just try to shut everything down so that it doesn't happen.
A bit like a phobia of being vulnerable in front of strangers.
At least, that's what I think it is, because when I witness NTs crying happily in front of one another, it makes me cringe from embarassment on their behalf. I find displays of emotions in sad times VERY uncomfortable, more so than being naked in the street or whatever else. But they call it "expressing their feelings" , and that's what i'm incapable of doing. I can speak about my feelings, tell someone i'm sad, but I find showing it too shameful.

I do cry easily. And if I do cry, I also tell the nearest caring person why I'm crying, especially when I have PMT.

A week before Christmas I went on a Christmas meal with my work, but I had to get home on a bus. The pub where we had our meal at was one end of the town, and the bus station was at the other, and because it was dark by the time I come out, I didn't fancy walking through the town on my own - since it was on of those rough places where you were likely to get attacked or mugged after a certain time (it's all right in the day). So I thought I'd wait at a bus stop near the pub where my bus will be coming past, then I could just get a ride down to the bus station and stay on it, so when it leaves the bus station I'll already be on it, then I could miss walking through the rough streets. But as I got on at the bus stop, the bus-driver pulled a face at me then asked me, in that I'm-telling-you-off tone, ''uh, excuse me, what are you doing? I'm only going to the bus station!'' And because I had PMT, I felt tears coming, and I knew that if I spoke I would burst into tears (plus I fancied this bus-driver, and it's not very nice when a person you fancy is telling you off, especially when they're normally flirty with you). So, my lips trembled and my voice went into a quiet wobbly tone as I said, ''is it OK if I get on here instead of in the bus station, please?'' then he saw that I was looking a bit upset so he gave me a gentle smile and said, ''OK love, take a seat.'' And when we got to the bus station I was alone in the bus with him for a few minutes, and I explained to him why I wanted to get the bus before the bus station. I was still about to cry though, and one or two tears came down my face, but I smiled through my tears and tried to make conversation, to take my mind off of crying. He was all sympathetic and said, ''OK just stay in the bus with me and keep warm, love.'' Although what he just said made me happy, I still felt like crying, because I fancied him so much that I wanted him to keep me warm by cuddling me. I didn't really want to cry in front of him because I wasn't sure if women crying is a turn-off to men or not. But I've read somewhere that crying ''gets it all out''. The more you don't cry, the more anger or anxiety or depression will build up.

It's such a horrible feeling when you feel you're really going to cry, and the only way to hold it back is to not speak. It's a bit like when you feel really sick. You sit there concentrating, and somebody makes you speak and you then most probably throw up.

It could mean inability to verbalize what one is feeling.

I have that problem to some extent, yet I have very good verbal articulation. I can talk about just about anything or anyone but myself coherently.

ruveyn

This happend to me several years back. My dog, which I had since I was 7, died suddenly in her sleep. When my mother woke me and my brothers up and told us that our dog died I froze. I went through my morning routine as usual but there was nothing going on in my mind, whereas usually my thoughts are all over the place figuring out what I have to do that day.
Anyway, for the rest of the day I was completely numb. My parents and grandparents tried to talk to me and get me to show any sign of emotion, but I didn't feel anything. Even looking back now it still doesn't spark any emotion.

I know if affected me but I couldn't recognise the sensation I was feeling, to me it felt like being numb, perhaps that's what sadness or grief feels like. I don't know what I was feeling so I couldn't put it into words, even now describing it as "numb" seems incomplete.

If most NTs are better at showing emotions than most Aspies are, then how come NTs are also good at not showing emotion? For example, if a NT is working in a supermarket, like Tesco (or Walmart), and he/she was putting out stock neatly on the shelves then along came some customers, got in his/her way, messed up all the stock items on the shelves, and walked off again, and the NT was feeling irritated - he/she wouldn't show emotion to others, but would carry on working or something. But if that was me trying to put stock out on the shelves and some customers came and stood in my way and kept messing things up and I became as irritated as anyone would, I'll show it. I usually sigh and mutter under my breath and glare and huff and puff and shuffle my feet awkwardly and stand in a stiff way what gives off very bold messages saying, ''I'm annoyed, please get out of my way.'' And that makes NTs look at me and gives me the expression on their face what I can read well. It means, ''pardon me for breathing, you grumpy cow!''

But shouldn't that be the other way round? An NT able to show that they're angry and annoyed, and an Aspie to be unable? But apparently it isn't so. I show frustration all the time, and I like to let people know that I'm frustrated (but then regret it afterwards).

Also, why do people stare at you if you cry in public? Once I was crying in the bus station because my friend was being really horrible, and I was very boldly showing emotions of how I felt - and everybody in the whole bus station was looking at me, some were laughing, as though I wasn't meant to be doing it.

I just really don't get it. They say non-ASD people show all emotions well, but they can still seem to hide it and act the complete opposite. I find that difficult. Whatever emotion I have inside me, it comes right out on the surface, whether it's happy, sad, angry, excited, tired, lonely, bored, frustrated, confused, tearful, relieved, disappointed, anxious, uncomfortable, relaxed or neutral. Sometimes my face turns into a grumpy-looking face when I'm feeling happy emotions, but my actions and voice tone still give out happy emotions.

That is exactly how I feel about most displays of emotion, ESPECIALLY sadness. I feel very embarassed and uncomfortable when people around me cry, and I never know how to react. I mean..what? Should I give the person a hug? Ignore them? Try to say something encouraging? I usually just go with the hug...which tends to shock them out of it and make them laugh since I don't really DO the Touchy Feely. Also, it's awkward which often translates to amusing.

On the rare occasion that I cry in public I become full of a kind of self-loathing rage for many days thereafter. =[ And being too happy in public? I am a "flailer" and hand-rubber....embarassing as hell. I hate not have total control over some of the things that I do.

I think this explains itself! I think those on the spectrum do attempt to express themselves to varying degrees but much of the time our efforts are misinterpreted, misunderstood or overlooked as something other than an emotional expression. I know my meltdowns are certainly emotional expression to the Nth degree. Perhaps that line, which frequently appears in the standard diagnosis, clearly demonstartes the NT inability to look beyond 'the norm'. The ability is there in many cases but it just doesn't measure up to their expectations and standards. Perhaps it should read 'unable to express one's feeling's like everyone else.'

I think the Wrong Planet/alien visitor image clearly applies to this one. We just do it differently.

Because they have better emotional control and recognition circuits than we do?

It's alexithymia and most Aspies have it as a comorbid.

When I was little I was always really pleased with myself when I managed to provoke any strong emotion in me. Now I know that there wasn't a lack of emotion in me, it was just letting it be known to people, and also in terms of responding emotionally to people, it just wasn't there, and that's a big part of 'feelings' for other people. I could get very emotional looking at a picture, but my mum had said it was badly painted in the shop, so I thought, "oh, what I felt can't be right then". Also my mum was always going on about how I was so unfeeling, so I really wanted to feel, cos I felt sort of denuded without these big expressions of feelings, even more alien.

Feeling very strongly is always quite tiring, and trying to express it is just even worse. Often I just get so frustrated that I even do the spluttering thing, or I cry because everything's so overwhelming. My dad's sort of caught onto the idea that it's not just me being awkward, so he waits there patiently and says encouraging things like "just try" and eventually I might stumble onto a cliche I've heard which satisfies them enough. But also often I feel like if I tell someone else how I feel, some vital secret part of me will be invaded by them. Stupid thing. Whenever I've come out with something really big to me, I feel exhausted and so regretful, and while my mum is beaming about this breakthrough I'll be all half pleased/half annoyed with myself for having been able to put it into words and get it across. Like when I finally had a talk with my mum about Aspergers and I (the first time she took it seriously- the first few tentative mentions don't count). Often I resort to the dreaded "you just don't understand!"- which would be a little redundant if I were NT- of course my parents know what being a teenager is like, but since I'm an Aspie and they're NT, I feel justified in using it to excuse myself from further verbal flailings. But they don't see to what extent I find things hard, so they think I don't appreciate their maturity etc.